Originally Posted by Draguna

Man, Marco, I completely feel you and what you have said. I'm also a high drive (and higher drive) man. My luck is that she is a med to high drive (but lower than mine) gal. I feel the same as you do about this stuff and I really like your passion about sex. I'm not here to bash and I feel you might have been criticized harshly by some. However all are trying to help.

What we are trying to say is that you should be less like a hammer and try to futily drive your opinion through. The pressure on her won't work. Try to be more like water. Accept changes, adapt and work your way around them. Sometimes a frontal assault will be halted by a wall that is always stronger, no matter how hard you try.

Now, back to your topic. Yeah I agree, any HD spouse should be completely ok with himself and not try to change.
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Originally Posted by greenpearl

Marco,

I want you to reach the goal, we want you to reach the goal.

I really don't know what is going on in your relationship.

All I can see is one day you are excited, then one day you are not.

And I keep on saying here on TAM, sex is not about one person, sex is about the couple's pleasure. Both of you have to enjoy what you are doing.

If what makes you excited makes her painful, then we can't blame her for not wanting to try again.

My husband and I usually just have normal sex, I on top or he on top, cum, feel the physical intimacy. Sometimes I am just happy lying in his arms.

We tried anal once, we haven't tried again, one day maybe I will muster up the courage and let him try again, but he won't feel that I don't love him just because I don't let him try anal again. We have never tried double penetration, I can handle two fingers in my asshooo, anything bigger than that I find it painful and nervous. My husband never feels he is lacking love just because of lacking this kind of excitement.

The more he respects me, the more I want to fulfill his fantasy. The more he is concerned about my feeling and my pleasure, the more I want to make him happy.

Sex is about two, love is about two. In a marriage, a lot is about two!

Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous

Maybe "Venting" wasn't the best term to use. It generally means letting off steam in a negative manner.
Urban dictionary's 2nd meaning here Urban Dictionary: venting I guess what I really meant was "Sharing/ Expressing", trying to find understanding -even if on an Anonymous forum such as this.


Many years ago, I volunteered for an 24 hr hotline where people could call "just to talk"- some were on the verge of suicide, you never knew what dire story was on the other end of that line or how your words could affect that person. I learned something very very valuable in the classes we took BEFORE I was allowed to answer these calls. >>> People often do NOT want others advice, at least not initially, they deeply NEED to 1st feel "heard", understood -even in their flaws & anger, their feelings acknowledged along the way.

Once this is felt by the "venter/sharer", he is generally more RECEPTIVE to a little constructive criticism, chances are he will even give himself some-as his heart suddenly feels lighter.

Some go to Confession, some pray to a higher power, some use punching bags, some write letters-whether they send or burn, some use a journal, some explode because they held it in too long, some stuff & hide & resentment builds, and some use Online forums to gain new insight from others experiences.

Marcopoly, I hope you will be on your way to some emotional Healing. The Definition of Emotional Wellness | Seeking and Finding Wholeness


When emotions are managed by the heart, they heighten your awareness of the world around you and add sparkle to life. The result is new intelligence and a new view of life."~~~Doc Childre and Howard Martin



"Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness, is an essential lifetime skill."~~~Joan Borysenko

Originally Posted by marcopoly69

to me this is also amazingly satisfying...so am i a sex pervert?...maybe but can you really punish me for being this passionate about my gal?

Originally Posted by reachingshore

Has anybody of you HDs tried changing tack? Instead of harping to the LDs how sex is important in a relationship and that's why they should go for it.. ask them why would they deny themselves the pleasure (assuming that once they do have sex, they climax)?

I guess this particular attempt to changing a mindset is more applicable to those LDs who are women.

What I am trying to say is make it about them the LDs, not about you the HDs or the relationship.

After all I will not deny myself a box of ice-cream, something I find pleasure in eating, just because "it's bad for you"

Originally Posted by greenpearl

Today you are optimistic,

I just hope you keep this mood.

Be more stable!

Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous

I think she is very very blessed. If she lost you, she would surely be missing all of that passion she has woken up for all of these years. It is not a stretch for some of us to be "spoiled" terribly and not even realize it -until it is gone. I really believe that. SOME women, not all, would kill for all that pleasurable intimate attention. ha ha I know I love it & crave it.

I tell my husband, it would likely take 5 men to feel his shoes in the affection department (of coarse 1 Marcopoly might be adequate!). It is great to be on the receiving end of such spoiling!! But it is kinda a damper for the spoiler if they feel it is not appreciated in all it's fullness. Still doesn't mean she doesn't though, she is just the more quiet type.

Her wetness speaks her enjoyment.

Originally Posted by marcopoly69

interesting point...i guess, the LD likes sex and have orgasm...is only that they dont think about it afterwards, and the not thinking about it is what hurts the most....because when you think about how to help to make a sex experience with you partner exciting and loving, i.e., buying lingerie, show enthusiams, kissing you passionatly, etc...is when the HD really feel connected because the HD is always thinking about this things because he / she really believe in the power of great and abundant sex to connect with the other person in a level of intimacy and love that no other form can.....NOT OTHER FORM CAN...

Originally Posted by reachingshore

I am a HD, so I may be off the mark here. I imagine that if I was an LD and was told that I should do it more often because it's important in a relationship.. I would think of sex as a chore/obligation/something I should do to please another.

The objective for an HD would be, I should think, for their LD partner to genuinely want sex.

If I don't find my own pleasure in sex, why would I want it? If I do find my own pleasure in sex, why on earth would I not want it for myself more often?

Try making it into something that is about an LD and for LD alone. It's not about pressure/guilt or placing blame on the LD. It's about making the LD realize it's unreasonable for them to refuse themselves their own pleasure.

Instead of her thinking "I should do this for him, for my marriage", make her think "Why should I deny myself the pleasure, for myself?". It is, in essence, a brainwash. Can't one say the same about religion/upbringing that quite often cause one's inhibitions in their sex life?

Originally Posted by HelloooNurse

I've read a lot of your posts Marco and it sounds like you have some sort of sexual addiction. Always "chasing the dragon" as they say. One of these days you are going to have to learn to be happy with what you've got. That is the only way you can catch that dragon!