For the last year I have been under the impression that I could have cervical cancer. I had 3 abnormal pap smears and have been told I have a serious type of HPV that can cause cervical cancer. I have no want to have sex currently because sex is what gave me the HPV to begin with and I'm AFRAID - stupid or not I'm scared and my husband isn't giving me any reason to cling to him as my support
I am 25 and was diagnosed with HPV at 24, while my husband and I were engaged. We were abstaining from sex before marriage for his sense of marital peace with God, and I guess to an extent I wanted the same. On the wedding night sex was seriously and absolutely painful. Honeymoon was the same thing and both instances he got angry with me - but I WAS trying. Now, 9 months into our marriage and a 2000 mile move across the country and job changes, we, as he puts it, never have sex. I have tried but it hurts.
It turns out because of my fear of cervical cancer my vagina and cervix muscles are extremely sore because I am so very tense all the time. I have eczema in my vagina which is another reason sex is painful. My husband knows all of this and was told by my gynecologist face to face. In the last month I had to have 4 biopsy's and it was found that I had moderate dysplasia (precancerous cells) and had to undergo a LEEP (surgery). I am currently healing from the surgery.
I want my husband to be ok with not having sex for a little while. We have been married 9 months as I said before and sex has been hard for me since it is physically and psychologically painful. I have tried to talk to him and open up about my fear and worry, but most of the time it starts a fight or he gets angry with me. This pushes me away and makes me not even want to try to be sexually active with him. I feel it has diminished our intimacy because I don't trust him as I feel he does not care for my well being. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't feel like I want to have sex with him once I heal because of the way he has treated me and made me feel about the sex issue since our wedding night and honeymoon.
I feel like this feeling is getting deeply rooted and I resent him for not upholding his vows - 'to love in sickness and in health' and he turns it around on me and says I don't have sex so it's my fault. He wonders why should he support me if I don't give him sexual attention - so we are stuck at a crossroads. I feel like I just WANT OUT! and unfortunately I have told him that. i feel unloved, unsupported, and depressed. He feels the same way I guess. But doesn't my fear and the reality of what has happened warrant him to give me time love and support??? I feel like if he had handled my condition better and had been more understanding we wouldn't have gotten to this wanting out point. I don't know what to do and I guess I just needed to vent. Part of me wants to go to marriage counseling - part of me wants to leave and start over. HELP!!!
Also, when I try to be sexual, he forgets that I tried. That makes me so mad because I feel so fragile and when he acts like I don't even try it hurts and then again makes me not want to give him anything he needs.
...help...
I am 25 and was diagnosed with HPV at 24, while my husband and I were engaged. We were abstaining from sex before marriage for his sense of marital peace with God, and I guess to an extent I wanted the same. On the wedding night sex was seriously and absolutely painful. Honeymoon was the same thing and both instances he got angry with me - but I WAS trying. Now, 9 months into our marriage and a 2000 mile move across the country and job changes, we, as he puts it, never have sex. I have tried but it hurts.
It turns out because of my fear of cervical cancer my vagina and cervix muscles are extremely sore because I am so very tense all the time. I have eczema in my vagina which is another reason sex is painful. My husband knows all of this and was told by my gynecologist face to face. In the last month I had to have 4 biopsy's and it was found that I had moderate dysplasia (precancerous cells) and had to undergo a LEEP (surgery). I am currently healing from the surgery.
I want my husband to be ok with not having sex for a little while. We have been married 9 months as I said before and sex has been hard for me since it is physically and psychologically painful. I have tried to talk to him and open up about my fear and worry, but most of the time it starts a fight or he gets angry with me. This pushes me away and makes me not even want to try to be sexually active with him. I feel it has diminished our intimacy because I don't trust him as I feel he does not care for my well being. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't feel like I want to have sex with him once I heal because of the way he has treated me and made me feel about the sex issue since our wedding night and honeymoon.
I feel like this feeling is getting deeply rooted and I resent him for not upholding his vows - 'to love in sickness and in health' and he turns it around on me and says I don't have sex so it's my fault. He wonders why should he support me if I don't give him sexual attention - so we are stuck at a crossroads. I feel like I just WANT OUT! and unfortunately I have told him that. i feel unloved, unsupported, and depressed. He feels the same way I guess. But doesn't my fear and the reality of what has happened warrant him to give me time love and support??? I feel like if he had handled my condition better and had been more understanding we wouldn't have gotten to this wanting out point. I don't know what to do and I guess I just needed to vent. Part of me wants to go to marriage counseling - part of me wants to leave and start over. HELP!!!
Also, when I try to be sexual, he forgets that I tried. That makes me so mad because I feel so fragile and when he acts like I don't even try it hurts and then again makes me not want to give him anything he needs.
...help...