Wife likes porn, but...
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-19-2011, 03:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife likes porn, but...

This may sound odd to complain about. My wife enjoys looking at erotic pictures of women and watching porn movies, but she only enjoys them with me. That is, she says that pictures and porn movies do nothing for her without me being with her at the same time.

She says that it is my reaction to these things that in turn gets her turned on. The feeling we get is fantastic and leads to great orgasms. I should be completely happy with this situation, but I find myself puzzled as to why her imagination doesn't allow her to be turned on by these materials when she is alone viewing them.

This came after I started leaving pictures and movie clips on her computer for her to look over whenever we are not home together. She tells me that she likes certain pictures and certain clips, but does not get turned on by them without me around.

My question is: how can I increase her imagination to "feel" the material the same way when she is alone as with me? And, has anyone had a similar situation?

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Old 02-19-2011, 08:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

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Originally Posted by dezhkub View Post
My question is: how can I increase her imagination to "feel" the material the same way when she is alone as with me? And, has anyone had a similar situation?
This is a first! I find it very interesting that it bothers you that she cant enjoy it on her own. Why do you want her to like it without you being there?
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Old 02-19-2011, 09:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

It's very hard for me to pin down. She often tells me that she doesn't need to watch or see anything in order to get horny enough to have sex. I do understand that, and I don't really need it either, it's just that usually things are more intense after getting worked up together with that stimulation. And to me, while sex is always great with her, it's like the difference between having a t-bone steak and fillet Mignon. One is a little tastier than the other and so makes a special treat now and again.

I know that women are not as visual as men and that this has something to do with her not needing that sort of thing. Still, I feel that a woman could learn to enjoy the visual by imaging themselves in the situation they are viewing.

One of my wife's objections to this is that she knows the participants in the materials are paid to do what they do. I understand this, but to me if one enjoys watching actors in "normal" movies (including romantic and erotic ones that are just short of porn) then one is suspending one's disbelief of what those actual persons are doing and feeling anyway. So, it doesn't seem too much of a stretch to just go with the flow (so to speak) when watching actors perform in these other movies. Indeed, many times the actors involved are actually feeling what one is seeing.

I guess that I feel maybe she is only doing it for my sake and that she gets the side benefit of how I make her feel in return.

Again, it does seem odd to complain about it, but I'd like to think she is on the same wavelength with me, if that makes any sense.
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Old 02-19-2011, 10:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

This is difficult, but as you said she enjoys you getting turned on. Like some other women she isn't much stimulated by porn when not in the mood. However, she might enjoy seeing your reaction to it. Imagine her buying you a gift. She will be happy that you are happy.

Now by seeing your physical reaction such as slower deeper breathing, widening of pupils, red flush on cheeks and lips, the concentration on you face and ofcourse you getting hard. They can be a powerful stimulant for her. The people on screen are not there, she can't read subtle changes in them. But you, you are there, you are the man she loves, and you are getting aroused. This makes her aroused and probably makes her starting to think about what you might do.

So yeah, don't worry about it. From what it seems she enjoys seeing you aroused. Would say she probably likes to seduce, but also likes to be submissive (possible, my gf is like that). I'd say try to explore what it is that exactly turns her on about you getting turned on. This might be difficult to find out, but if she likes to serve, then it is possible to find porn about serving your lover, from soft to hard.
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Old 02-19-2011, 11:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

Don't over think it - don't push her to feel something that she doesn't really need to feel.

Just enjoy it!
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Old 02-20-2011, 12:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

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Originally Posted by dezhkub View Post
It's very hard for me to pin down. She often tells me that she doesn't need to watch or see anything in order to get horny enough to have sex. I do understand that, and I don't really need it either, it's just that usually things are more intense after getting worked up together with that stimulation. And to me, while sex is always great with her, it's like the difference between having a t-bone steak and fillet Mignon. One is a little tastier than the other and so makes a special treat now and again.
If Im understanding you correctly you are saying that you want her to get really turned on so the sex is really hot? and you think if she can enjoy it on her own she will be more worked up?

If that is the case, you may want to consider getting her an erotic book rather then porn. some women can get more into that and get just as turned on by the book as a guy would over porn.
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Old 02-20-2011, 01:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

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Originally Posted by dezhkub View Post
I know that women are not as visual as men
Not true. Fashion magazines aren't visual? Looking sideways at w/ "cute" men?

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One of my wife's objections to this is that she knows the participants in the materials are paid to do what they do. I understand this, but to me if one enjoys watching actors in "normal" movies (including romantic and erotic ones that are just short of porn) then one is suspending one's disbelief of what those actual persons are doing and feeling anyway.
You probably aren't suspending disbelief as much as you think you are, and porn is actually about the opposite of suspending disbelief (hence, "money shot", because it proves it's real enough to pay to watch), but regardless, you know that on the internet that thousands and thousands of people have, for free, videotaped themselves having sex, alone, in pairs and in groups, doing all sorts of weird stuff, and are sharing it all, for free or for a very nominal price, and you are two clicks away from accessing any of that? Be forewarned, though, you may find yourself watching a video that fat HR manager playing with himself while his wife urinates on him.
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Old 02-20-2011, 08:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

You're her "kink".

This is the holy grail of marital sex.

Enjoy it.
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Old 02-20-2011, 09:05 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atholk View Post
You're her "kink".

This is the holy grail of marital sex.

Enjoy it.
I was thinking along the same lines.

I LOVE some soft porn, but I seriously have little desire to watch it alone --cause I want something to play with! I think it is a blessid thing she wants to watch & explore WITH YOU.

Too many marraiges have their own secret alone time with porn -which doesn't always lead to such great places, but some destructive habits. Always good to save it -for each other, very healthy request -your wife has , in my opionion.
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Old 02-20-2011, 08:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!!!
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:10 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dezhkub View Post
This may sound odd to complain about. My wife enjoys looking at erotic pictures of women and watching porn movies, but she only enjoys them with me. That is, she says that pictures and porn movies do nothing for her without me being with her at the same time.

She says that it is my reaction to these things that in turn gets her turned on. The feeling we get is fantastic and leads to great orgasms. I should be completely happy with this situation, but I find myself puzzled as to why her imagination doesn't allow her to be turned on by these materials when she is alone viewing them.

This came after I started leaving pictures and movie clips on her computer for her to look over whenever we are not home together. She tells me that she likes certain pictures and certain clips, but does not get turned on by them without me around.

My question is: how can I increase her imagination to "feel" the material the same way when she is alone as with me? And, has anyone had a similar situation?
She's telling you the truth -- women don't automatically become aroused at visual stimuli, as a rule, they prefer a more in-depth experience that focuses as much on context and situation as it does big throbbing anything. Don't sweat it -- you just have differing preferred modes of erotic entertainment. Consider returning the favor by reading or watching one of her favorite steamy books/shows (no matter how lame) and help inspire her fantasy life that way. Or, better yet, write your own.
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by IanIronwood View Post
She's telling you the truth -- women don't automatically become aroused at visual stimuli, as a rule, they prefer a more in-depth experience that focuses as much on context and situation as it does big throbbing anything. Don't sweat it -- you just have differing preferred modes of erotic entertainment. Consider returning the favor by reading or watching one of her favorite steamy books/shows (no matter how lame) and help inspire her fantasy life that way. Or, better yet, write your own.
for me that is not true I get very turned on and aroused by watching porn.

my problem is my husband doesn't like me watching it.
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Old 12-02-2011, 01:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

to the OP


Is it conceivable that your wife could be telling you a little white lie to you and herself. My wife repeatedly denied using a toy for some solo action she gave herself. Later I found it to be the case.
She also has admitted to me (usually after a few coctails when she is uninhibited) that she has watched S/C porn during her single days and has admitted to arousing her. There have been times that I have suggested it and she is generally not interested.
I think much of this is driven by double standard bull#$^t that women have been raised to not like these sort of things (my wife was raised catholic). As a result I think women have a hard time admitting it to themselves that they actually are aroused by it. Part of me says “bull” that she is only aroused by your reaction.
There have been studies that have concluded that women are actually physically aroused by Porn even when they reported not to have “enjoyed” watching it. The fact that she is watching it with you, gets aoused by your reaction (or otherwise) would seem to be a great thing.
That is just my thought. I say just enjoy it.
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Old 12-02-2011, 01:46 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

I agree with tj. My guess is she does get turned on by it at times and just doesn't want to admit it.
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:10 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife likes porn, but...

I would just leave it alone and not worry about it. My wife has said and shown that she liked watching some erotic films with me on the few occasions that we have done this, however, she never asks for them (with me or alone). I would like for her to want to do this with me and initiate it, however I leave it alone as I understand that most/many women feel differently about this stuff. If you push it you might end up with nothing.
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