Refuses different positions. Then what?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Refuses different positions. Then what?

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-21-2011, 11:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Refuses different positions. Then what?

My wife just wants to do it missionary and has no interest in other positions. The few times we have had sex the past year that's the general theme. If I were to suggest a different position right before or during sex, and she says no, should I say I'm not interested anymore? Let her win? Say I'm bored doing it the same way? In the past I have just let her get her way. I'd like a response that has a positive effect but doesn't end on a too sour note. Any particular response as a potential to do more damage.

Thanks guys. FYI, I find this forum very educational.
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Last edited by Hurra; 02-21-2011 at 11:14 AM.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

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My wife just wants to do it missionary and has no interest in other positions. The few times we have had sex the past year that's the general theme. If I were to suggest a different position right before or during sex, and she says no, should I say I'm not interested anymore? Let her win? Say I'm bored doing it the same way?

Thanks guys. FYI, I find this forum very educational.
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My advice? Get her out of the bedroom. It's easier to suggest other positions if missionary just isn't convenient. I understand she might be reluctant, but then again if you held her to higher standards over-all, a change of position isn't that big a deal to her. Now having sex in the first place . . .
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

I would try to say things like she is very sexy and you want to see her body during sex.

You also want to try some new exciting things to pleasure her.

I had a girlfriend like this during college, and nothing worked. So I broke up with her, she begged me to come back and said she would do any position I wanted lol.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:17 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

Getting her out of the bedroom is another challenge. Seeing her body is also another challenge. She rarely does it in the light. And yes, having sex is also a challenge right now. I think it would be easier to train a monkey to race the Indy 500. lol
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

Hurra, female sexuality is linked more to attraction than function, so while different positions may do it for you, she's not receptive because she's not finding you very sexually attractive right now.

There are a number of posts on nice guy stuff and creating sexual attraction with you wife. I'd focus on that and not positions. If you can get yourself to a point where she finds you attractive again, I think you'll find the sex gets better.

Atholk, MEM and BigBadWolf have a lots of good info on this.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

It could be that she is insecure about her body image. I had this problem with my Wife and she would rarely do it if it wasnt dark.

It took a lot of time of me telling her how sexy she is and seeing her body turns me on. After a while she was cool with it.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

Is she having O's in the missionary position every time?

That in itself seems a miracle to me.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:29 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

So she says no when you ask for a new position, does she give a reason why?

You might want to try saying something like "Babe I'd love to try this (name the position) with you, I think it would make you feel real good" she how she reacts or maybe try a diferent approach (be warned she may not like this), a lot of women like little force in bed, maybe while in missionary just grab and move her into the position you want don't ask, just do!, my H sometimes does that and I'll put up a fake resistance (playfully), then I'll let him have it.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

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So she says no when you ask for a new position, does she give a reason why?

You might want to try saying something like "Babe I'd love to try this (name the position) with you, I think it would make you feel real good" she how she reacts or maybe try a diferent approach (be warned she may not like this), a lot of women like little force in bed, maybe while in missionary just grab and move her into the position you want don't ask, just do!, my H sometimes does that and I'll put up a fake resistance (playfully), then I'll let him have it.
And some women would take that akin to spousal rape. It sounds as if the OP's SO would likely lean towards that. The "lights out in the missionary position" is about as close to "try not to disturb me too much" sex as I can think of. She's not going to be into him "forcing" anything. She'll only use it as an excuse not to have sex with him any time soon.
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Old 02-21-2011, 01:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

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And some women would take that akin to spousal rape. It sounds as if the OP's SO would likely lean towards that. The "lights out in the missionary position" is about as close to "try not to disturb me too much" sex as I can think of. She's not going to be into him "forcing" anything. She'll only use it as an excuse not to have sex with him any time soon.

And that's exactly why I said "be warned"
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Old 02-21-2011, 02:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

Perhaps a good way to get her out of her comfort zone a little and hopefully get her to open up to other positions would be to just modify how you are doing it today. For example, wrap your arm around her leg behind her knee and pull it up/support it. She'll end up with one leg down and one leg up. It's still missionary, just a little different. Obviously there are other modifications you can make, use your imagination. If you can get her comfortable with this, maybe she'll start to open up to entirely different positions all together.
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Old 02-21-2011, 04:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

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If you are asking for too many sex acts that don't get her an orgasm then I think you are boring her.
A flat-out refusal to try any other position than missionary would seem to indicate a lot of things. Boredom being one. Hostility is another.

BTW, whatever happened to speaking up about making sex more enjoyable?

Asking to try a different position sounds positive.

My presumption would be for any position to be fun if wanted. a spouse who doesn't climax? Not good. The spouse who doesn't climax? He or she has a certain obligation to thine own self be true!

No guy wants to find out they don't satisfy. finding this out after years of not satisfying? That is more on the person who doesn't speak up and make changes, alert their partner to needed changes.

Nobody is a mindreader.
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Old 02-21-2011, 05:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

it could be she just isnt sexual, but it is probably your fault somehow
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Old 02-22-2011, 10:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

She is very self conscious with no reason to be. She was making an effort prior marriage to overcome it and was doing well but once we got married that progress was erased.

I wouldn't force her to but years ago I would get her where I wanted her you could say and she never seemed fully comfortable but didn't refuse.

But some good replies here. Thanks.
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Old 02-22-2011, 10:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Refuses different positions. Then what?

Had a man who didn't catch that hint when I downloaded an app for that on my ipod!!!

Will only offer that my first venture into the world of positions came from finding out that some make for better pleasure for women than others... just plan for a silly play night and initiated myself... Maybe she just doesn't know how good certain positions can make it for her?
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