Syrum

If men really value their relationships over porn and don't have entitlement issues, then they should just give up the porn and focus on how to make their relationship wonderful. Spend that time noticing the wonderful and unique things about their wives, and notice the little things they like, spend time connecting with the women they claim to love. I can assure you if more men did this their sex lives would be out of this world.
The women in porn are asked to participate in ever more degrading and painful porn. The women in porn are for the most part not enjoying it, they are paid to make it look like they are and every increasingly in main stream porn (which is really hard core IMO) women often have pained looks on their faces.

So what's wrong with it? you are taking **** sex and getting very turned on by it, and trying to introduce that ****ty sex into your own sex life, often measuring sex with your spouse with the awful sex in porn, and begin to see that there is nothing wrong with it. It becomes a norm and obviously as you have proven my point again become completely brainwashed in the process. It is a perfect example of exactly the harm does.


Yes I would say gay porn is still bad, but ti does not have the wide stream effect that hetro porn has, which is still the most popular form of porn. anything that commodifies people and takes away the connection we are supposed to have during sex and replaces it with junk is harmful.

Moreover, gay porn (talking about male on male) is about men doing things to men. Hetro porn is about men doing things to women which is a whole different ball game when you look at social equality and past and current treatment of women by some men and that is rampant in the sex industry and the social context of that. Porn is a way of saying women are not valuable as people, they throw away commodities to be used and abused.

Porn is not harmless.

reachingshore

And we are so not projecting :/

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If you must say yes, say it with an open heart. If you must say no, say it without fear. - Paulo Coelho

Syrum

that is really awful, but apparantly easy to dismiss as long as men think you liked it and they got their orgasm.

What happened to you was manipulation and abuse, and men are basing their sex lives from that. That is just terrifying really.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I just wonder how good sex would be if we were really free to explore sexuality without the shackles of social influence, that has made men think porn sex is what they need and want. if people were free from these images, and women were free to be sexual without the negative connotations often mirrored in porn and by society, we could all be having awesome sex, with people who really cared about us. And getting off on what naturally turned us on and not what porn told us turns us on.

Syrum

As for this whole men getting a buzz thing and needing a buzz? It's a load of nonsense as far I'm concerned. Who doesn't get a buzz from new and exciting sex and relationships?

Women get just as much of a high and a buzz, and they do from flirting and other encounters too. This doesn't make it right or OK. instead of chasing the buzz and making excuses for that behaviour we need to understand there are lots of things that will make us feel good for a moment, but lets compare that to the damage it can do to our lives and decide what is more important.

I mean let's face it, people who have affairs are chasing that buzz and lots of women do that too. Anytime you choose instant gratification or getting a buzz in any form over the well being of your relationship, you have crossed a line.

Therealbrighteyes

Yeah, it was all about the "fun".

less_disgruntled

That is exploitation and obviously so. I'd guess it is common. I'm not going to try to defend the porn industry, especially not in light of something like that. I'm also not going to defend anyone's husband who is devoting any significant portion of his life to porn. As respectfully as possible, I'd also guess that stories like those of the guy in the general forum whose fiance went from a B cup to EE and quit her job to go into porn are there, too.

What I am trying to say is that it's okay to be into kink and that porn isn't the cause of all men's sexual proclivities--and that women also have unusual desires as well.

less_disgruntled

This is right and an oversight on my part--there are far less men coerced into porn than women.

Trenton

Damn. That is horrible Brennan.

Kobo

How don't you get that you are saying your needs/wants are more important than his needs/wants. Let's look at it a different way. Your husband likes to undress 20 yr old ladies. Thats his thing. He enjoys it. If you attempt to take that away because you feel upset about it then you are putting your feelings ahead
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Syrum

That is absolute rubbish. Porn isn't even a need. You can live very well without it. However most people don't live very well without loving relationships.

We all have things that are no goes in our relationships, it is perfectly Ok to set boundaries and say what isn't acceptable. or else we'd all be out doing whatever with however, and just use the excuse "Well stop putting your want for me to be faithful obove my want to fu<k everything."

Your idea is very flawed.

Kobo

Still waiting for you to show me where I said a wife should allow her husband to watch her getting DP'd.

It's perfectly find to set boundaries. My boundary can be that I watch porn. Still waiting for an answer as to why your boundary is greater than mine.
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Syrum

I didn't say you said that, I am saying it.

I have answered you, you are twisting things, and making them into something they are not. Your boundary is that porn is OK, but if your wifes isn't either you care enough about her to not watch porn or you don't.

I am saying that if you say your boundary is porn is OK and her boundary is screwing around is OK, then of course you have a right to say, that isn't cool with me, screwing around would hurt me, I class it as something that isn't OK in our relationship and she has just as much right to say that about porn.

Both people have a right to say, these are my relationship boundaries, if you cross them you will hurt me and our relationship. That doesn't make any ones want greater than anyone elses, that just makes sure both people understand and respect the relationship they are in and put the other person and their feelings first. If porn is that much of a want for you that you would risk your relationship for it, and claim it's a huge need, then you have a real problem.

MarriedWifeInLove

Just a question - does anybody work or have a life? You guys have been going back and forth for a while now - HA.

Didn't know posting this would cause such a spirited debate (or maybe I did).

I only get on TAM when I have a break at work, no time when I get home (too busy trying to keep hubby from driving me crazy), and weekends - forget it!

Just askin'...LOL

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AgentD

I can't speak for others, but I usually work from home, so I find the extra time when I can, if I don't have alot to do at the time.

But, this certainly has been a hot topic!

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Kobo

Lol now me watching porn is the same as my girl wanting me to be taking it in the anus and two in the mouth. That's what you said right? Ok
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