I simply don’t agree with the attitude that "if a woman doesn’t like ____ (insert sex act here), she simply hasn’t had it done right". It’s invalidating. I find it troubling as to me, it implies that a woman ought not to be believed about her own sexual tastes and preferences; further, that a man or even another woman knows what’s best for her and her body because of their own experiences.
To continue pressuring or coercing, or as otherwise suggested by some men in this very thread – to not discuss with the woman but just continue to slowly groom her into doing anal by engaging in light anal play in hopes it will open her up to it also sounds invalidating and manipulative to me. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and safe (emotionally and physically) for both parties. To disregaurd one's wishes to me shows disrespect and detracts from that safety.
I HATE cilantro and coriander (same plant, but different parts) and I always have. I think it tastes like soap or the way that burning rubber smells and renders any dish indedible. Nobody ever tells me I just haven’t had it prepared right. No, most people just take it on its face that I know what I like or do not like to eat, and respect that despite how great that herb tastes to them.
If I was into masochism play in the bedroom and my partner was not, I would have to respect that. I really appreciate...no actually expect the same respect for my own desires or lack thereof from him. That is my deal breaker. If the desire to have anal is a deal-breaker for him (my spouse or OP or any man that feels that way) then maybe they ought to find a new partner who shares the enthusiasm for it, so he can be happy. This at the same time, giving her the opportunity to find someone that respects her sexuality and capacity as an adult to decide what feels good for her and turns her on.
It’s been said that everyone is different. Even men are not all the same in their sexual likes, I know of one guy who hates having his testicles touched – even lightly during sex or foreplay. He's gone as far to say it makes him want to jump out of bed. My spouse and previous boyfriends on the other hand, have all loved having them stimulated, fondled, licked etc. If I was with such a man that didn't like it though, I would never tell him... "Oh come on babe, you just haven't had it done right yet. Let me show you how it feels good."
Many women have chimed in on this thread with their own anecdotal evidence as to why they are either aye or nay for this act. While fun or interesting and perhaps educational, to talk about; in the grand scheme of things, it only matters what OP’s wife thinks as it’s her bum being penetrated and her who will either feel pain or pleasure or just like they’re taking a reverse poop from it. Nobody else can decide that or experience that for her.
Bottom line (pun intended) I think OP should respect her wishes and as an adult, her mental capacity to make informed decisions about her own body. In turn, OP’s wife can also make concessions in the bedroom that may duplicate some of the sensations/experiences that anal would provide.
Hands are good for grasping if it’s a tightness issue and mouths are good at sucking, kegals are also good for squeezing during PIV and doggy-style and reverse cowgirl also provide ample rear views... though not the same there are plenty of other sexual things to explore that both might enjoy. The options are there for compromise. Like many things in life, this doesn't have to be a zero sum game.