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How would i convince my wife for Anal sex

162K views 70 replies 29 participants last post by  firebelly1 
#1 ·
Hello,

I am 36 years old & my wife 34. i have greatly interested in Anal sex but my wife scared about the Anal intercourse, I often tried to make her convince saying, she will ever feel heavenly pleasure if she do that. sometimes she showing her interests, but soon after she is not. I want someone should provide me some effective idea, so that i can convince her for a great Anal sex.
 
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#2 ·
So this is a delicate subject... If not for the anonymity of this site I would be WAY too embarrassed to respond to this, and I'm not quite sure from your post if your wife is scared of receiving anal sex or if you are interested in having her use a sex toy on you as Personal's post seems to suggest, but I will fill you in on how it worked out for me and my boyfriend.

I was very nervous about trying anal sex too (receiving it), and since I was a virgin when my boyfriend and I started dating, sex in general was very new to me and still a little scary. My boyfriend asked me to try it and I flat out told him no, never.

He told me that it was ok if I truly didn't want to or if I was too afraid, he would respect that. He asked that I try it just once and told me that if I absolutely hated it or if it was too painful he would never pressure me to do it again, and he said that he would never want to make me do something that was unpleasant for me.

Hearing him say that made it much less intimidating since I then felt free to make up my own mind about whether or not I liked it.
We took it very slow, started with toys to help me relax, KY jelly to make it more comfortable, and soft music, candles, etc. to set the mood.
It was a little uncomfortable at first but it wasn't painful so I was able to keep an open mind - the important thing was that I didn't feel like I was being forced or coerced into doing it. And now, 5 years later, it is still a frequent and VERY enjoyable part of our sexual relationship.

My suggestion would be first and foremost: make sure your wife knows that you don't want it to be a painful or uncomfortable experience for her. Make it clear that if she hates it you won't force her or pressure her to keep doing it. If she agrees to try it once, make it as relaxing and romantic for her as possible. Use lubricant to make it more comfortable. And remind her that just like regular intercourse it gets better and more enjoyable with practice ;)
 
#5 ·
Agree with all of the advice so far. Get a dildo or even a cucumber about the size of your erect penis and let her use it on you first or watch as you stimulate yourself to heavenly pleasure.

Once you have gone first, she may be more agreeable to letting you do it to her.
 
#8 ·
So...yeah...communication is key. Make it clear you won't pressure her or make her do anything she isn't comfortable with.

I think you take baby steps - if you regularly perform oral on her (and if you aren't, you should) then get your tongue moving southward so she can feel your tongue in that area.

Or, if you aren't willing to put your tongue there, use a well lubed finger to just circle the outside of her anus while you are performing oral or stimulating her clit with your fingers or a vibrator. Only do that during one sex session and then ask her about it afterward - did she like that? Did it feel good? If she says yes - ask her if she would be okay with you trying to just insert the tip of your finger inside her next time. Then you can work your way up with each session to something bigger / longer inserted further in until...eureka!

The idea is that you want her to get past mental fears around pain and if she can see that it's pleasurable instead of painful in baby steps, eventually you might get there.

Also...understand the physiology of the anus. Help her to understand it. If it's at all painful, you aren't doing it right. Use a crap load of lube. Pun intended.
 
#9 ·
Hello,

I am 36 years old & my wife 34. i have greatly interested in Anal sex but my wife scared about the Anal intercourse, I often tried to make her convince saying, she will ever feel heavenly pleasure if she do that. sometimes she showing her interests, but soon after she is not. I want someone should provide me some effective idea, so that i can convince her for a great Anal sex.
It's is men who get "heavenly pleasure" from anal sex being done TO THEM because men has a prostate.

Many women do not feel much or any pleasure from anal sex. Don't promise her something that you are not sure she will ever have.

Anal sex is mostly about what you want. Not about her.
 
#11 ·
Some women do experience a lot of pleasure with anal sex. Many, if not most, do not.

I was like you with anal until it caused an anal fissure (tear occurring in the anus). From that point on there was no pleasure. It's horrifically painful. After 40 years it still does not heal right.

There are other women here on TAM who have experienced the same thing I have.
 
#17 ·
You will get advice from lots of lube to going slow. However, as a female, I'm going to say...it doesn't feel good. At all. It hurts like I don't know what going in...then, if you can get used to the stinging and burning, the rest of the time you feel like you're going to poop yourself.

No orgasms from anal here! Certainly no "heavenly pleasure!"
 
#22 ·
Don't talk to her about it.....

Be a man and take charge. Next time you guys are intimate, start touching her anal area as you penetrate. Go around it/tickle it if you will and for now, DO NOT penetrate.

Leave it at that.

Week or 2 later, do the same, but now penetrate it a little (maybe finger tip). Maybe when you are doing it doggy style or something.

If she enjoys it, go deeper, but go slow.

Eventually and in time (be patient).....if and when you are touching it and she is really wet down there and loves the finger, take it out of her vagina and slowly stick it in her ass.

She will love it....
 
#31 ·
People of both genders have lots of nerve endings around the anus because it is one of natures little devices to reward us positively to defecate, lol. Or so that is one theory that is out there. Either way, why not use those nerve endings in various ways that can derive pleasure?

If you don't like pleasure then by all means don't experiment with your body. But if stimulating the nerves in your anus, by rubbing, tugging, stretching or vibrating causes you pain, then you are doing it all wrong so learn to relax and find a better technique and or partner (don't give up a good marriage though).

OP, don't try to "convince" your wife of anything, just show her that you are up for exploring all forms of healthy pleasure together, go slow and dont put your wants above her fears.
 
#38 · (Edited)
People of both genders have lots of nerve endings around the anus because it is one of natures little devices to reward us positively to defecate, lol. Or so that is one theory that is out there. Either way, why not use those nerve endings in various ways that can derive pleasure?

As some women have mentioned here, anal stimulation does NOT derive pleasure. Why try to convince us it does?

If you don't like pleasure then by all means don't experiment with your body.

Those of us who gave examples, have obviously experimented with this and our bodies. Still didn't find it pleasurable. Again, why try to convince us we are wrong and saying we don't like to experiment? That's insulting.



But if stimulating the nerves in your anus, by rubbing, tugging, stretching or vibrating causes you pain, then you are doing it all wrong so learn to relax and find a better technique and or partner (don't give up a good marriage though).

No. We are NOT doing it all wrong. It simply isn't pleasurable to us. I was relaxed and extremely turned on when I tried it...twice. It still was NOT pleasurable. Feeling like I am going to poop myself was not sexy. The pain I felt when something entered me through a muscle that is designed to allow things OUT of the body (and not in) was extreme. We even used smaller toys first. It's just not pleasurable for me and many other women. I think the women who enjoy anal are an even smaller group than those who can have a vaginal Orgasm. Vaginal Orgasms happen at around 20% for all women. Anal...even less. Not saying it doesn't happen and can't be pleasurable for some, but for many...it's not.

I'm also not into heavy BDSM or being slapped in the face, bleeding, or excessive hair pulling (I do enjoy a tug), nipple biting (too hard and I will stop everything), or anything else that involves excessive pain. There is a line between pleasure and pain that all of us have. Some people cross that line before others.


OP, don't try to "convince" your wife of anything, just show her that you are up for exploring all forms of healthy pleasure together, go slow and dont put your wants above her fears.
 
#32 ·
I simply don’t agree with the attitude that "if a woman doesn’t like ____ (insert sex act here), she simply hasn’t had it done right". It’s invalidating. I find it troubling as to me, it implies that a woman ought not to be believed about her own sexual tastes and preferences; further, that a man or even another woman knows what’s best for her and her body because of their own experiences.

To continue pressuring or coercing, or as otherwise suggested by some men in this very thread – to not discuss with the woman but just continue to slowly groom her into doing anal by engaging in light anal play in hopes it will open her up to it also sounds invalidating and manipulative to me. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and safe (emotionally and physically) for both parties. To disregaurd one's wishes to me shows disrespect and detracts from that safety.

I HATE cilantro and coriander (same plant, but different parts) and I always have. I think it tastes like soap or the way that burning rubber smells and renders any dish indedible. Nobody ever tells me I just haven’t had it prepared right. No, most people just take it on its face that I know what I like or do not like to eat, and respect that despite how great that herb tastes to them.

If I was into masochism play in the bedroom and my partner was not, I would have to respect that. I really appreciate...no actually expect the same respect for my own desires or lack thereof from him. That is my deal breaker. If the desire to have anal is a deal-breaker for him (my spouse or OP or any man that feels that way) then maybe they ought to find a new partner who shares the enthusiasm for it, so he can be happy. This at the same time, giving her the opportunity to find someone that respects her sexuality and capacity as an adult to decide what feels good for her and turns her on.

It’s been said that everyone is different. Even men are not all the same in their sexual likes, I know of one guy who hates having his testicles touched – even lightly during sex or foreplay. He's gone as far to say it makes him want to jump out of bed. My spouse and previous boyfriends on the other hand, have all loved having them stimulated, fondled, licked etc. If I was with such a man that didn't like it though, I would never tell him... "Oh come on babe, you just haven't had it done right yet. Let me show you how it feels good."

Many women have chimed in on this thread with their own anecdotal evidence as to why they are either aye or nay for this act. While fun or interesting and perhaps educational, to talk about; in the grand scheme of things, it only matters what OP’s wife thinks as it’s her bum being penetrated and her who will either feel pain or pleasure or just like they’re taking a reverse poop from it. Nobody else can decide that or experience that for her.

Bottom line (pun intended) I think OP should respect her wishes and as an adult, her mental capacity to make informed decisions about her own body. In turn, OP’s wife can also make concessions in the bedroom that may duplicate some of the sensations/experiences that anal would provide.

Hands are good for grasping if it’s a tightness issue and mouths are good at sucking, kegals are also good for squeezing during PIV and doggy-style and reverse cowgirl also provide ample rear views... though not the same there are plenty of other sexual things to explore that both might enjoy. The options are there for compromise. Like many things in life, this doesn't have to be a zero sum game.
 
#33 ·
MissTaken, my comment was mainly intended to suggest that finding pleasure in exploring new things is all about attitude. There is nothing inherently bad about bumplay, if you don't like it that's entirely your prerogative, but when you don't like eating cilantro do you give up trying any new dish with some herb that you are not sure you will like? Just because someone might not like having a huge object rammed into their colon doesnt mean that they might not like a little tickle on the outside. Nor does it mean that you will never like it ever. When I was a kid I couldn't stand the taste of potatoes, now I love them. Though as for cilantro, there is actually a genetic marker that makes it taste truly horrible for some and very nice for others, that doesn't mean there are not certain other foods you enjoy putting in your mouth.

The biggest thing though is trusting your partner to respect your boundaries, and when there is no trust or respect there are much worse problems than if you like anal sex or not.
 
#35 ·
I can't disagree with anything in this post Lon. Although I would add that cilantro and coriander, like penetrative anal sex and bum play/rimming are not the only options out there. Thank goodness for that lol.

I do think if possible/enjoyable for the woman if she likes being played with on the outside but not penetrated then that's a closer concession/better concession than nothing at all if it's something the guy really wants. For me I am somewhat okay with a finger up there but it's still mostly for him that I allow it because it usually doesn't detract from my overall enjoyment even though it really doesn't do much for me towards orgasm/increasing arousal. Nipple-play or a kiss on the neck would be 10x better. But that's me... different strokes/folks lol.

P.S. I read about the cilantro-hating gene on Gizmodo...never felt so vindicated. :smthumbup:
 
#34 ·
Good evening all
Some women do enjoy anal stimulation. Some of them enjoy anal penetration with a penis, some are only comfortable with something smaller.

Some women might enjoy anal, but previous lovers have hurt them by being too rough or not knowing what they were doing. Done wrong is is extremely painful -and NOT in a fun BDSM sort of way, but a "bad" painful sort of way.

Some women might enjoy anal sex but do not want to try because they think it is dirty (it can be), or they are worried about pain (which can happen).

Some women don't enjoy the sensation even if everything is done correctly.


Personally I think it is worth it for women to try - but start very gently with fingers, then small toys and work up. But if they don't enjoy it - thats fine.


BTW - my wife is somewhat unusual. She finds it uncomfortable (even if we are careful) but at the same time it makes her orgasm faster than anything else. We do it very rarely. She does enjoy anal play with fingers and small toys - again it seems to make her orgasm much faster than other things. she is too shy to try it on me.
 
#40 ·
Good evening all
One more comment.
Many years ago I was very interested in trying anal with my wife. We did a little play with a finger now and then. One time when she was already very aroused she let me try.

She had a wild orgasm in just few seconds, and her reaction make it really exciting for me. We did it frequently for a while, but after a bit the novelty for both of us started to wear off. After a bit it became something she would ask for, but that frankly I was starting to tire of. (though I'd do it to enjoy her enjoyment).

She still would (and still does) orgasm very quickly from it, but gradually decided it wasn't really her favorite thing. Now its something we do maybe one a year just for novelty - though we more often use fingers or toys.

The thing is, it doesn't feel significantly different to me. The ONLY thin I get out of it (more than for PIV) is listening to her reaction.

So the OP may get his wife to try, and discover that it really isn't all that special, and that if she doesn't enjoy it, there really isn't much in it for him.
 
#48 · (Edited)
As far as I know, motor boating doesn't physically hurt the woman. This isn't about orgasms. When I first tried anal...I KNEW I probably wouldn't have an orgasm. I was still ok with trying it.

This is ridiculous. "You're doing it wrong because you don't like it or it hurts so keep trying"...ugh. The mentality baffles me. Especially since I have done it more than once.

Look, obviously, we aren't going to agree. I think it's wrong to make a partner do something that is physically painful. Your view is that you just keep chugging on until it feels good...IF that can be possible for that individual. I'm telling you not everyone is the same. It doesn't always feel good for everyone.

So, we can agree to disagree. I am ok with shaking hands on that.
 
#59 ·
Anyway listen to nurses talk about women and men that come into the ER with major issues after receiving anal sex and it will totally turn you off. Blech.
Unfortunately (understatement), I came across a Gawker article about "Rosebudding" porn today. Before I heard of such a thing, I would agree with this 100%. (Still agree on the "Blech" big time!). But apparently it's not as big of a turn off for some as you or I would think.

For those that are who like I was, naive about the term, a "rosebud" in porn is a rectal prolapse. Apparently for some, when the anal sex becomes too boring or too mundane, they've found a way to sexualize a woman's inside-out rectum - which in it's bloody, smelly glory, looks somewhat like a stinky, bloody rose.

The sky is the limit after all so don't be too closed minded ladies and knock things you haven't tried more than once. You may be a prude if he isn't seeing your entrails. :rolleyes:

Again, not said to minimize the experiences of women who can come this way but there are definitely increased risks of things like: anal fissures, hemorrhoids, and tears, and rectal prolapse. All of which come with a very high risk of infection btw.
 
#53 ·
In my experience, there really is no way to "convince" someone to have anal sex. Either they're curious and want it or they don't, and if they don't, chances are it's never going to happen... especially if they have friends in their ear, convincing them to steer clear.

My wife LOVES anal play (fingers, small toys, massaging), and achieves the most intense orgasms with this, but doesn't want to try Anal intercourse because of what two of her friends told her. They both had negative, painful experiences, so my wife is afraid the same thing will happen to her, so as much as she loves anal play, there is no convincing her to have intercourse.
 
#57 ·
Before you change lanes without signaling a few key steps can, or may, be helpful. A good tactic is to be behind her on your sides and let her slide onto you, slowly at first and after the initial breach and press can you, the man, begin to use light, slow thrusts until she is comfortable or at least tolerant because it will hurt if done wrong, or even right mind you.

A good way to introduce even the idea is to use the 2 in the pink one in the stink method......I love rhyming. Start by stimulating her Vagina then progress to using finger insertion. After a set of time start to stray either the pinky ( suggested initially) or ring finger and lightly press her anus but do not attempt to breach the plane. After a few sessions begin to try to take it to the next level but do not become impatient, this will backfire, no pun intended.
 
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