No Sex in two weeks and counting
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-04-2011, 06:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default No Sex in two weeks and counting

Gonna make this as short as I can cuz Ive posted here numberous times about my sex life..
Pretty much this is what our marriage is like..

-Married almost four years

-I Initiate sex 99.99 percent of the time, wife has only initiated once this year..

-When I dont initiate sex, we could easily go a month without sex

-In the past I have complained, even gotten angry at my wife for her not showing interest in sex..but I havent done this lately, more in the first two and a half years of our marriage, still every once in a while I complain about it..

-My wife absolutely loves being in the bottom and receiving oral..but will rarely return it without me asking her to..when I ask her to she returns it, but usually she shows very little energy, effort until shes actually doing it, then its more just dont get it over with as fast as possible..

-Wife is shy, insecure about herself..I tell her all the time how attracted I am to her, how beautiful, sex, and hot she is to me..

-This one I just cant understand..My wife finds almost everything too unclean..for example..if I go down on her then want to kiss her after she wont let me...if she goes down on me and I want to kiss her after she wont let me...if I have sex with her and want to give her oral after she wont let me because she thinks its too dirty for me now..
I have told her many times that I dont mind getting a little dirty, it actually turns me on..and she cannot bare the thought of kissing, oral, and normal sex can all be done in one time, its one or the other, completely destroying the flow..

-We have a great marriage, always take care of each other..miss each other..its the bedroom where are problems are..if I talk about it it just ends in me hurting her feelings..if I dont..nothing changes..ever...


I am sick of always initiating..so we have gone over two weeks without sex again (this whole year we have had sex at most once a week)..I want my wife to show some interest too..she claims she does but she clearly does not, and its been this way since day 1 of our marriage, I love and and dont want anybody else..I just hope for her to open up sexually..
We have done a test to check her thyroid, and according to the doctor it was totally normal.

Just wondering, do women open up more later...shes only 26 years old..do I have to wait till shes 35...
I;m in my sexual prime now..and would love to share the magic with her..
Tried watching a porn together about three weeks ago..she was completely disgusted by it...she couldnt stand all the oral and kissing afterwards..

Thanks for reading.
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Old 03-04-2011, 06:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

MG,

You did not mention if you have kids or not? If you have kids, how many and how old. I assume you do not right now and I would only guess the lack of sex, and her initiation will get much worse than it is right now when kids are in the mix and she turns on Mommy mode.

Get some IC right now and decide what you want out of life. Its would be a much less painful breakup now then it will be when mid life hits and you have some rug rats you are taking care of.

I would also recommend that you look at No More Mr Nice Guy book and website.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you man.
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Old 03-04-2011, 06:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

Women initiate differently than men. So, she may be doing stuff that she thinks is initiating sex, but you don't.

How do you initiate?
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

I will catch all kinds of hell for saying this but I for one am sick to death of hearing about 'shy'. It's laziness. For god's sake I was there when our kids were born. I hand my hand inside your Caesarian opening. I have held your head over the toilet puking, I have cleaned up your stomach flu. I amateur stitched up your hand when you sliced it open. I have given you enemas. I was there for your chemotherapy holding your hairless head. What have you got to be shy about?
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

can u get her to drink?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
Gonna make this as short as I can cuz Ive posted here numberous times about my sex life..
Pretty much this is what our marriage is like..

-Married almost four years

-I Initiate sex 99.99 percent of the time, wife has only initiated once this year..

-When I dont initiate sex, we could easily go a month without sex

-In the past I have complained, even gotten angry at my wife for her not showing interest in sex..but I havent done this lately, more in the first two and a half years of our marriage, still every once in a while I complain about it..

-My wife absolutely loves being in the bottom and receiving oral..but will rarely return it without me asking her to..when I ask her to she returns it, but usually she shows very little energy, effort until shes actually doing it, then its more just dont get it over with as fast as possible..

-Wife is shy, insecure about herself..I tell her all the time how attracted I am to her, how beautiful, sex, and hot she is to me..

-This one I just cant understand..My wife finds almost everything too unclean..for example..if I go down on her then want to kiss her after she wont let me...if she goes down on me and I want to kiss her after she wont let me...if I have sex with her and want to give her oral after she wont let me because she thinks its too dirty for me now..
I have told her many times that I dont mind getting a little dirty, it actually turns me on..and she cannot bare the thought of kissing, oral, and normal sex can all be done in one time, its one or the other, completely destroying the flow..

-We have a great marriage, always take care of each other..miss each other..its the bedroom where are problems are..if I talk about it it just ends in me hurting her feelings..if I dont..nothing changes..ever...


I am sick of always initiating..so we have gone over two weeks without sex again (this whole year we have had sex at most once a week)..I want my wife to show some interest too..she claims she does but she clearly does not, and its been this way since day 1 of our marriage, I love and and dont want anybody else..I just hope for her to open up sexually..
We have done a test to check her thyroid, and according to the doctor it was totally normal.

Just wondering, do women open up more later...shes only 26 years old..do I have to wait till shes 35...
I;m in my sexual prime now..and would love to share the magic with her..
Tried watching a porn together about three weeks ago..she was completely disgusted by it...she couldnt stand all the oral and kissing afterwards..

Thanks for reading.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

Some issues will never change in a marriage (or might change after years). You really just need to work around this one I think.

Look into love language quizes. I'm almost sure yours if physical. Hers is probably something else.

To fix this, I do clean and make food (my wifes love language is acts of service, and I couldn't care less about cleaning) and my wife is more open to being physical with me. I still initiate, but also talk openly when I need physical things from her.

This issue is VERY tricky in my marriage. Figuring this out is hard.

I really get to the point where I want to yell at my wife (i don't) when sex drops out for a few weeks due to stress, period, or whatever.
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

We dont have any kids, although we have four dogs which my wife treats like kids, so she;s already kind of turned into mommy mode, adding kids would complicate things.

I cant get her to drink, wine puts her to sleep, she used to drink with her friends but doesnt like to drink with me...she doesnt want to be a DIRTY girl, anything remotely sexy is too dirty for her...
Although she used to party all the time, she from all her friends was the only one that didnt smoke, didnt have sex, and didnt drink too much...shes a good girl, but I want her to be bad with me..but seems like she doesnt want to be that way for me.

I have read the Love Languages, she read it with me for two chapters then lost interest..we both did the quiz and both our love languages were the same, both Physical..but the quiz is kinda bull-shiat because the questions dont make much sense (like what would you rather want..flowers from your spouse, or a romantic sexy night-NO ****, anybody would say Romantic sexy night, even non physical love people, everybody likes to be loved in a physical way, or at least lusted in a physical way)

The way I do it is I just avoid any sexual confrontation with my wife, like I will kiss her, hug her, stuff like that, did some romantic stuff on valentines day..and she loved it, but still..she hardly opened up..more as a favour than anything..so I do these things but I just go downstairs and watch sports, go to the gym, workout in my garage, stuff like that so that I dont get frustrated about our lack of sex..because I know she will never come on to me..

The way That I;ve initiated in the first three years of our marriage was through various ways..

-Bring home flowers, smooth talk her and we make our way to the bedroom

-Do something special or romantic on special occasions..inviting her to the bedroom later

-just jumping her from time to time, she always enjoys me doing all the work..and I enjoy it too, but would love for her to do the work at LEAST 10 percent of the time, that would be a HUGE improvement already

-Talk her up on the phone, or send her sexy emails..when I get home its like nothing happened..but I continue anyways and again, do ALL the work..

-Ask her to put on some sexy night dresses or something, sometimes she will..then once again, I start everything and do ALL the work.


Ive tried the whole NO MORE MR.NICEGUY thing...Ive tried not calling her or being less romantic...tried dressing up for her more often...always keep myself clean, help her out with chores..take care of the dogs as well...work out with her sometimes..all kinds of stuff..but sex always seems to be the last thing on her mind..

It really feels hopeless..we will have a great marriage as long as we dont make sex any priority in our lives at all...but as soon as I thing about sex and let her know about it frustration begins..seems like we will just never have that complete marriage..unless if she changes somehow..
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

Has anything ever happened to her, maybe in her past that makes her feel things are so dirty? Is it possible something happened to her that she isn't sharing with you?
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

Quote:
Just wondering, do women open up more later...shes only 26 years old..do I have to wait till shes 35...
I;m in my sexual prime now..and would love to share the magic with her..
Oh, paging SimplyAmorous. . .paging SimplyAmorous. . .

(yes, a lot of women open up circa age 35. . .it's no guarantee though. . .she could continually spiral downward and descend into asexuality)
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

I struggled with solid analytic geometry and higher order mixed partial differential equations, in college. Anyone who tells me a woman's sexuality should be more abstract and complex than that is deluding themselves. That smacks of headgames.
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

No nothing has ever happened to her that I know of, and I know theres nothing shes not telling me..she comes from a very Loving family and has never had sex with anyone before me and nobody has ever forced her to do it...the only one who has ever asked her to do stuff is me...
She thinks everything is gross..its not just sex..you know how women always think everything is too icky, or whatever..she;s like that except alot more than most women..and I;m a lot less than most guys...theres very little that I think is disgusting.

I dont know if its her hormones, or just her personality...shes insane about always being clean, she wont let me go down on her unless if shes just taken a shower or cleaned that area..
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scannerguard View Post
Oh, paging SimplyAmorous. . .paging SimplyAmorous. . .

(yes, a lot of women open up circa age 35. . .it's no guarantee though. . .she could continually spiral downward and descend into asexuality)
I'm 34 and very horny.
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:38 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

If you are getting it once a week then you are lucky , my boyfriend only showed interest once every six months ,it's a killer when you love and fancy them so much. He is now my ex amongst other things couldn't take it anymore it's easier to be alone than lie next to someone and get nothing back.
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

Yup, your right Kendra, I got married with this fantasy in my head that we would be all over each other all the time..even though she didnt want sex before we were married..we wanted to save it for marriage, and we did, and disappointment followed..but I;m always thinking that things might change over time, as a women, I really think she;s a catch, shes everything a guy would want from a wife, except in the sex, and communication aspects...
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Old 03-05-2011, 11:56 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: No Sex in two weeks and counting

I'm sorry you're going through this, however maybe you need to weigh your options. Being frustrated for the rest of your life, because of her choices or how she feels about things doesn't sound much fun. Unfortunately, you wont be able t change her, its going to have to come from her, and she may change and she may not.
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