How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 07:01 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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The flaw in your limbic system/instinct point is, put simply - Yes, both genders are wired to compete for viable mates but, by letting him put a ring on her finger, Lisa let him know that he'd won the competition. The question therefore becomes, why does he have an overwhelming need to keep replaying a tournament he's already won? Just like a Wimbledon winner, keep playing the same final over and over again and the runner-up will eventually win.

He's actually fighting his limbic insticts which have already done their job. He's inviting competition (and failure) where none is necessary when he should be basking in his glory and polishing his 'trophy', not treating her like a worthless trinket.

A need to keep proving himself (to himself) or a desire to fail. Who knows? Whatever it is, it's something psychological in the 'higher' brain. If it weren't, we'd all be marching our WAGs off to swapping parties.
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How does him putting a ring on her finger negate what I said? He is not fighting his limbic system he is USING it for arousal purposes. He is easily bored and his "higher brain" cannot come up with new and inventive ways to be aroused beyond the instinctual, which requires no thought or effort. I agree with your post I just don't see how it contradicts mine. In fact, to me it reinforces it.
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post #32 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 07:59 AM
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How does him putting a ring on her finger negate what I said? He is not fighting his limbic system he is USING it for arousal purposes. He is easily bored and his "higher brain" cannot come up with new and inventive ways to be aroused beyond the instinctual, which requires no thought or effort. I agree with your post I just don't see how it contradicts mine. In fact, to me it reinforces it.
Lisa's acceptance of the ring is merely symbolic of her telling him he'd 'won'.

As for the rest - poor comprehension of part of your post and poor proofreading of mine. I shouldn't embark on lengthy posts when I'm tired but, like somebody with a killer hangover vowing never to drink again, I probably will.

We DO agree. I'd amend or delete my post but that'd undermine yours,, which'd be unfair. So,,,,,


- My fault. I apologise.
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post #33 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 02:14 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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Lisa's acceptance of the ring is merely symbolic of her telling him he'd 'won'.

As for the rest - poor comprehension of part of your post and poor proofreading of mine. I shouldn't embark on lengthy posts when I'm tired but, like somebody with a killer hangover vowing never to drink again, I probably will.

We DO agree. I'd amend or delete my post but that'd undermine yours,, which'd be unfair. So,,,,,


- My fault. I apologise.
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No apology is necessary my friend. I was simply confused as it seemed we were in agreement. All is well
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post #34 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 02:23 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

See it wouldn't work for me....or any woman who loved me. She would enjoy having the guy bang her for maybe the first thirty seconds, but then it would all go wrong...really wrong....

...all that blood...showering her and flooding all over her....

...as I'm hacking the guy to death with my machete.
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post #35 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 02:33 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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See it wouldn't work for me....or any woman who loved me. She would enjoy having the guy bang her for maybe the first thirty seconds, but then it would all go wrong...really wrong....

...all that blood...showering her and flooding all over her....

...as I'm hacking the guy to death with my machete.
Wow, thirty seconds....Your machete must have been far out of reach
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post #36 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 02:54 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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Mel that may be true in lower forms of life.
It's not clear that you think a lower form of life than this guy even exists.
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post #37 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 04:25 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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Ok so my husband has had a fantasy of watching me have sex with another guy for years now. A long time ago we did have a threesome with a mutual friend, I felt guilty after the incident, and after that we didn't do it again. Well this past year life had got in the way and we had a boring sex life and I remembered how happy and exciting things were after that one night so I decided if he brought up the subject again I would bite. Well he brought it up and I said I would be open to talking about it and possibly trying it. Needless to say he was excited. So I started reading more about it and I discovered that there were names for this fantasy/fetish called Cuckold and hotwife. We started off going to a swinger party and then joining a website. I warmed up to the idea for a few reasons #1 it sounded hot, two men all over me, #2my husband seemed to be so in love with me. Well I found a guy that seemed "my type" we met a few times, then it "happened". Well the guy seemed perfect, he was good looking, fun, charming but the sexual part I hated, he was really rough I mean not in a hurtful way just very "fast" and not romantic at all. I know that seems weird but I am a lady and regardless of the situation I still wanted that passion. Well after that my husband was obsessed! He fell in love with this new lifestyle but I didn't. It consumed our daily life our sex life and we went to a few more parties and I just couldn't get into it. Actually the last party I ended up crying in a corner because I felt bad that I couldn't do this for my husband. He felt bad and we left and he apologized for upsetting me just for his own pleasure. He says he will not bother me about it again but I know how happy this makes him. Well things were good for us sexually for a while but the last week or so he has been hinting little things like for example tonight he text me from work and said I want to talk dirty to you but I'm trying to be good. So I say well talk dirty to me then and he says I can't because I don't want to upset you I'm trying to change. So I say is that the only dirty way to talk to me. He said it the only thing that comes to mind. So I said ok so beside the "me sleeping with another man" fantasy what else do you get excited about and he says I'm not sure what is there to be excited about after 15 years!!!!wtf?? I'm so scared this is going to ruin us. He says he will not bring it up again but for me it's like wow nothing except for that fantasy excites him!!! Is he ever gonna be truly happy with me??

I have fantasized about my wifee having sex with another woman.

This other woman, would trib my wifee, wifee laying back on the bed, and she can't get away or stop it......other woman on top, rubbing her, complete body to body, breasts to breasts......drives me crazy as I type......but I never bring it up anymore, and my fantasy remains just that. We've been married for 15 years. If my wifee was suddenly into this, wants to experiment, I probably wouldn't go through with it in the end, because that is adultery and once you open that pandora's box, you can't close it anymore. The next time, she might do this when I'm at work.....and then again.......and I like women now and want a divorce. You're playing with fire.

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post #38 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-02-2014, 08:42 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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It's not clear that you think a lower form of life than this guy even exists.
I don't think Mel is a lower form of life. Where did you get that from? I meant that sperm competition is seen in lower life forms as in lower primates.

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post #39 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-03-2014, 05:20 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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I don't think Mel is a lower form of life. Where did you get that from? I meant that sperm competition is seen in lower life forms as in lower primates.
There is strong evidence for sperm competition in humans. Primates are generally considered higher life forms, hence the name.

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post #40 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-03-2014, 06:37 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

I'm not going to argue about the scientific reasons a guy might enjoy watching another man bang his wife, but the best way Lisa can fetter her old man desire for this is to suggest that she doesn't mind sharing herself with another guy, but she wants to do it without hubby being there.
(And who knows. Without hubby's participation diluting the activity, she may get a lot of enjoyment out of it. )
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post #41 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-04-2014, 04:48 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Lols, sperm competition. Men also produce more sperm and recharge faster when sleeping with another woman. Just look up cuckquean. Wives watch their husband have sex with other women, and the men fvck more often. Women who are cuckquean find this trait hot, and find their husband more desireable. It is not just men. There is still a stigma over women sexuality, but don't forget, those women tend to sleep with other married men.

Also, putting new people into your life is a gamble. I read the thread by sandy something, where she felt conflicted when she was in love with two men, and it was her husband that put her in that situation. He withheld sex from her and made her seek it somewhere else.

On facebook, I have read this one post from a former hot wife who left her husband for someone she was more compatible with. Funny thing, is that she is happier now with her new husband, and it is thanks to her ex.

Studies are not accurate when it comes to open marriages, but at best roughly 20 percent of them have no to little conflict. And these open marriages tend to have better communication skills than your average marriage.

Scientific research shows that people can fall in love over one night stands. Look up research by Helen Fisher. Happens to prostitute a lot actually.

It is also shown, the more you feed a fetish, the stronger it can become. Maybe , Lisa subconciously, is already losing some attraction for her husband. I mean it happens. It is one of the common issues in cuckhold, hot wife, or cuckquean fetishes. Eventually, the relationship may feel plutonic.

For those who it works for, they have a more fun life. But, if you do continue this lifestyle, just be prepared, that there is more than an 80 percent chance that you might end up falling for someone else. Funny thing about sex and orgasms, they release those darn pesky bonding hormones. So yes, you can fall in love with just sex and attraction. IN fact women are threee times more likely to fall in love. Men don't release nearly the same amount of bonding hormones as women do. Fromm a mating evolution, this makes sense. Because, those bonding hormones are needed for mates to stay long enough together to raise the offspring. Love at first sight, or instant attraction serves another purpose. In the past our ancestors didn't have time for romance, and life was short, so evolution decided to help people mate faster. Lisa is lucky she hasn't run into a guy that gives her that love at first sight feeling. Also those love at firsst sight couples have a 20 higher percentage of having their marriage work out. Their divorce rate is like 30 percent. That huge attraction factor helps out a lot. And love needs those attraction factors for mates.
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post #42 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-09-2014, 03:32 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Lisa2Marie, I totally get the cuckold thing!! Of course only under the normal cuckold stereotype of a guy with a "huge #ock". What is the appeal? I don't know watching her try to handle it, her moans, arches, watching 10+ inches drive in and out of her.

Now I'm not crazy enough to ever try that like you guys did, but like I said I get it. Back in the day we did some partner swap when we were dating.....it was alright. We have toys, high end vibrators, etc, and even a large strap on 10"+ and thick that we play with every so often. That is usually enough to keep my fetish at bay.

Best of luck!! Try to keep it hot for each other.....your hubby has some addiction issues takes one to know one

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post #43 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-09-2014, 06:17 PM
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How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Not to judge the other guy or anything, he's thinking the husband is a chump for letting him bang the wife.
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post #44 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-09-2014, 06:56 PM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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Originally Posted by ThePheonix View Post
I'm not going to argue about the scientific reasons a guy might enjoy watching another man bang his wife, but the best way Lisa can fetter her old man desire for this is to suggest that she doesn't mind sharing herself with another guy, but she wants to do it without hubby being there.
(And who knows. Without hubby's participation diluting the activity, she may get a lot of enjoyment out of it. )
I'm not sure that would make hubby happy.

Has anyone suggested another alternative? What if she agrees to try again but SHE picks the guy and the three of them have dinner or whatever together so that she can decide if she's willing?

In other words, it is his fantasy, but she is in charge of it.
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post #45 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-11-2014, 10:39 AM
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Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

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This was somewhat how I helped chose my girlfriends in college.
You should write the book "Partner Selection through Ejaculatory Excess". It would make a good "stocking stuffer".
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