How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

User Tag List

 91Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 116 (permalink) Old 10-15-2016, 04:09 AM
Member
 
Imissmywife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 29
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Curious how things are going for the OP. And old thread but interesting reading at 4am.
Imissmywife is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 116 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 10:35 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 452
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Well, my wife had sex with another man in a wife swap. It was not a fantasy of mine, just a curiosity and a way for my once virgin bride to experience sex with another man. I knew from past experience that sometimes former virgins become very curious about what sex is like with someone else. I would too if I only had sex with one person. What if it was twice as good as what I had?

So we tried the swap with our best friends and we both hated it. My wife was expecting love making which is what we did but instead she got pounded into a couch cushion for 15 minutes and ended up with bruised breasts and thighs. After that she said I am more than enough for her and no more sex with other guys. For the last 44 years she has refused to have sex with other guys even though we were not monogamous at the time.

As I watched my wife with another man I was neither aroused or jealous. It was just interesting to see her have sex form a different perspective. Plus it was just sex and no passion or tenderness at all, so no reason to feel jealous. Watching your wife with another man or having her do it and come home to tell you all about it is a big fantasy these days and husbands watch it in porn and get aroused but in real life their emotions that were not in their fantasy will come out. Plus it will not go according to the script in their minds. Once that genie is out of the bottle there is no putting it back. The wife may feel that she broker her personal or religious moral code or the husband cannot get the image of his wife enjoying sex with another man more than with him. It is all fun and games in your head.

True story. My wife's longtime girlfriend's husband wanted to watch his wife have sex with me. She was already having sex with me and my wife long before he married her, so I said OK. He was fine with me making out with his wife but as soon as I started to undress her he freaked out and she had to drive him home and calm him down. Surprisingly she still kept seeing us as usual. If your husband is truly submissive it can be a way to dominate him while having a little fun for yourself. Some wives are thrilled to be allowed to have sex with other guys, but most are not. My wife does not want sex with other men. As she said, her orgasms are so strong that they hurt at times and cramp up her muscles and if sex was better than that, she could not handle it.

All of our friends who did stuff like this divorced because of it. We were the lucky ones only because we kept sex among the three of us. Try to find an old couple like us who engaged in this behavior on a regular basis. They are as rare as hen's teeth. In fact, the guy who wanted to watch was in a relationship where his wife dated other men and she divorced him for one. The guy gets aroused by knowing his wife is having sex with others. I would not be able to do what he does but it gets him off and they are still married over 25 years so it works for them.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #48 of 116 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 05:22 AM
Member
 
eric1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 816
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

I was very active on infidelity boards for a few years. It is very rewarding once you get to know the system and being able to help people through an extremely traumatic situation.

However it does get repetitive on the boards and I feel I know enough participants around that when a tough one comes up that it'll be well-handled.

So I've been going extreme. I've been harvesting people from those cuckold websites. It's more interesting than normal
Infidelity because you're also forced with changing someone's worldview. Infidelity IS abuse. Some of these guys on cuckold websites, blind due to their kink, have been abused for years and are damaged as hell (Not every one of these relationships is, a lot are though). The pattern is the same - the wife loses respect for the husband not just because of the kink but because he's now focused on objectifying her. She meets a nice dude who says stuff like 'I'd never share you, you'd be my everything' and you're off to the races. The abuse starts kicking in soon thereafter - usually she is staying because of lifestyle or family.

With the infidelity sites it feels like we are in a busy ER. With these kink people I feel like I'm one of those WWII field docs, helping folks as bombs explode on top of them.

----
eric1 is online now  
post #49 of 116 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 09:17 AM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,161
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
The pattern is the same - the wife loses respect for the husband not just because of the kink but because he's now focused on objectifying her.
And that right there is the crux of why people should never enter in to this kind of lifestyle. When you start objectifying your spouse you are in a sense de-humanizing them. True marital bonds just dissolve.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #50 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 07:08 PM
Member
 
Apexmale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 300
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
And that right there is the crux of why people should never enter in to this kind of lifestyle. When you start objectifying your spouse you are in a sense de-humanizing them. True marital bonds just dissolve.
That "crux" is very exclusive to weaker relationships and even to weaker individuals as well. Non-traditional relationships mostly work for individuals where "traditional" living just doesnt meet thier lifestyle needs.

It also works for couples and individuals who have the "jealousy" emtotion well under control.
Apexmale is offline  
post #51 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 07:19 PM
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 17,161
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apexmale View Post
That "crux" is very exclusive to weaker relationships and even to weaker individuals as well. Non-traditional relationships mostly work for individuals where "traditional" living just doesnt meet thier lifestyle needs.

It also works for couples and individuals who have the "jealousy" emtotion well under control.
To each his/her own.
bandit.45 is offline  
post #52 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-12-2016, 07:45 PM
Member
 
Apexmale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 300
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
To each his/her own.
Agreed. That is exactly how relationships work.

More and more people are deciding on same sex relationships and marriages. Those types of relationships would never work for me. It doesnt mean those type relationships won't work or will end in divorce, it just means it takes a different type of person than me to be able to sustain them.
Apexmale is offline  
post #53 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:27 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 118
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
Well, my wife had sex with another man in a wife swap. It was not a fantasy of mine, just a curiosity and a way for my once virgin bride to experience sex with another man. I knew from past experience that sometimes former virgins become very curious about what sex is like with someone else. I would too if I only had sex with one person. What if it was twice as good as what I had?

So we tried the swap with our best friends and we both hated it. My wife was expecting love making which is what we did but instead she got pounded into a couch cushion for 15 minutes and ended up with bruised breasts and thighs. After that she said I am more than enough for her and no more sex with other guys. For the last 44 years she has refused to have sex with other guys even though we were not monogamous at the time.

As I watched my wife with another man I was neither aroused or jealous. It was just interesting to see her have sex form a different perspective. Plus it was just sex and no passion or tenderness at all, so no reason to feel jealous. Watching your wife with another man or having her do it and come home to tell you all about it is a big fantasy these days and husbands watch it in porn and get aroused but in real life their emotions that were not in their fantasy will come out. Plus it will not go according to the script in their minds. Once that genie is out of the bottle there is no putting it back. The wife may feel that she broker her personal or religious moral code or the husband cannot get the image of his wife enjoying sex with another man more than with him. It is all fun and games in your head.

True story. My wife's longtime girlfriend's husband wanted to watch his wife have sex with me. She was already having sex with me and my wife long before he married her, so I said OK. He was fine with me making out with his wife but as soon as I started to undress her he freaked out and she had to drive him home and calm him down. Surprisingly she still kept seeing us as usual. If your husband is truly submissive it can be a way to dominate him while having a little fun for yourself. Some wives are thrilled to be allowed to have sex with other guys, but most are not. My wife does not want sex with other men. As she said, her orgasms are so strong that they hurt at times and cramp up her muscles and if sex was better than that, she could not handle it.

All of our friends who did stuff like this divorced because of it. We were the lucky ones only because we kept sex among the three of us. Try to find an old couple like us who engaged in this behavior on a regular basis. They are as rare as hen's teeth. In fact, the guy who wanted to watch was in a relationship where his wife dated other men and she divorced him for one. The guy gets aroused by knowing his wife is having sex with others. I would not be able to do what he does but it gets him off and they are still married over 25 years so it works for them.
Damn. I must seriously be old fashioned.
Capster is offline  
post #54 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 584
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Man, I won't even let another man ride one of my motorcycles!
Posted via Mobile Device
zookeeper is offline  
post #55 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,081
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
He is not judging you. He, like me, does not get this crazy urge to watch our SO take some strange d!ck in front of us!

Honestly, the whole reason you are here with marriage problems is because you took some strange d!ck in front of your husband and you don't like it.

He needs therapy for his addiction or he needs to find someone as freaky as himself. That is obviously not you.

You need therapy to figure out why you do not have good boundaries and are willing to wh0re yourself out for your H's kink.
I hypothesize it's about power. See my other posts. Physical sexuality have very little to do with it in my mind at this point normal sexuality just doesn't do it for the guy. I see it as kind of like emotional version of S&M. You control your wife's body and give it to others, that gives you a sexual gratification. It should be called pimp my wife.

Last edited by sokillme; 11-16-2016 at 03:34 PM.
sokillme is online now  
post #56 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:27 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,081
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
I was very active on infidelity boards for a few years. It is very rewarding once you get to know the system and being able to help people through an extremely traumatic situation.

However it does get repetitive on the boards and I feel I know enough participants around that when a tough one comes up that it'll be well-handled.

So I've been going extreme. I've been harvesting people from those cuckold websites. It's more interesting than normal
Infidelity because you're also forced with changing someone's worldview. Infidelity IS abuse. Some of these guys on cuckold websites, blind due to their kink, have been abused for years and are damaged as hell (Not every one of these relationships is, a lot are though). The pattern is the same - the wife loses respect for the husband not just because of the kink but because he's now focused on objectifying her. She meets a nice dude who says stuff like 'I'd never share you, you'd be my everything' and you're off to the races. The abuse starts kicking in soon thereafter - usually she is staying because of lifestyle or family.

With the infidelity sites it feels like we are in a busy ER. With these kink people I feel like I'm one of those WWII field docs, helping folks as bombs explode on top of them.
I suspect this is true I wonder if there is not something disconcerting for a woman knowing her husband isn't lustfully jealous of her sexuality. Values it like it's one of the more precious commitments in his life. I wonder if deep down in the recesses of her less progressive mind she wonders if he really that into her. I suspect deep down most woman still want a man who will passionately say (She is mind and I am hers). I would think this is her honor. To have her husband covet her. How disappointing it must be that to him it is like a lawnmower to give away to a total stranger. No real value at all.

Last edited by sokillme; 11-16-2016 at 03:32 PM.
sokillme is online now  
post #57 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:54 PM
Member
 
Apexmale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 300
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I hypothesize it's about power. See my other posts. Physical sexuality have very little to do with it in my mind at this point normal sexuality just doesn't do it for the guy. I see it as kind of like emotional version of S&M. You control your wife's body and give it to others, that gives you a sexual gratification. It should be called pimp my wife.
No man control's a woman body. Just ask some of the betrayed husbands in these forums who thought they "owned" thier wives. Or the men here who would never "allow" their woman (as if a woman really needs to ask us for permission) to sleep with anyone else and they did. It wasn't until thier wives cheated that they realized they didnt own any part of her.

Some women are physically more sexual than other women just as men are. And also just as men, are coming to realize that with these changing new times, they can openly pursue it.
Apexmale is offline  
post #58 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 04:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,903
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Its not ownership.....its respect, respect for one self, respect for the other, and respect for their relationship.
Lostinthought61 is online now  
post #59 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 04:12 PM
Member
 
Apexmale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 300
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenote View Post
Its not ownership.....its respect, respect for one self, respect for the other, and respect for their relationship.
All marriages in open relationships lack respect?
Apexmale is offline  
post #60 of 116 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 04:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,903
Re: How do I handle my husbands fantasy of me sleeping with another man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apexmale View Post
All marriages in open relationships lack respect?
I was simply addressing the word ownership. and since i am not in an open relationship, I therefore can not comment if there is respect or not.
Lostinthought61 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I Fantasy my Wife having Sex with another man while I Watch Gooch78 Sex in Marriage 47 03-10-2014 09:51 PM
How to handle husbands insecurity anony2 General Relationship Discussion 8 08-22-2012 10:16 PM
Husbands Fantasy angiewatson17 Sex in Marriage 37 01-25-2012 05:41 AM
Cant forgive husbands fantasy into reality! pollyanne Considering Divorce or Separation 15 09-22-2009 11:29 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome