Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband is very interested in pleasing me. BUT that does not mean that every once in a while he does not want to just lie there and be regaled with sexual lovin without any effort on his part. I try to remember to do that every now and again. The thing to watch is that sometimes he will slip into a longer term lazy mode, and I have to say hey there bucksnort, what about me? He always responds positively.
Yeah - I think it's that long-term thing.
My hubby used to think about my pleasure as #1, then his.
That kind of tapered off when he started having physical issues (ED).
Then, after the TBI, it stopped. It became all about him. Our counselor said that his world had gotten smaller and that he was focusing on rehab, getting better, carving out a life for himself based on his issues, etc., and that I got lost in the shuffle - very common when someone has a major medical crisis.
But, he's coming around. Last week, one night when we fooled around it was all ABOUT ME - he wanted to make sure I had a good time and said I didn't need to do anything for him.
So, he's coming around - but it was a long time cumming!
My partner's satisfaction is often more important to me than my own. Really, I know I'll "get mine" no matter what happens, and the more she's turned on, the more I am as well. Plus, the more she enjoys it, the more often she'll want it. Pretty selfish, actually... We have had sessions that started out just for me (BJ, anyone?), but after, she will get hers too. Not because she asks for it or anything, but because I can't keep my hands off of her. Most times, she'll reach orgasm before and after me, as well as with me if we can time it right. I recently bought her a little "finger" vibrator, which is great for slipping between us at the right time.
She has said before that I'm turning her into a "lazy lover", as she is very happy (apparently) to let me have my way with her. Maybe I need to let her take the reins once in a while too...
Just a quick question. After talking with my wife, she wuas telling me that all her friends husbands could care less about them having a big O. I'm not saying I'm Mr perfect but am I the only husband that most of my pleasure comes from getting my wife off as many times a s possible. From what I've heard this is not the norm. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm with you. When i was married, I always made sure my wife had an O every time. I'm not trying to be Mr. Perfect either, but perhaps my wife and I were just ignorant enough to think that's how it was done. I'd feel silly and very selfish having pleasured myself and her not reaching climax.
I can't think of many reasons why someone shouldn't want sex with their spouse, but if a guy just has the O himself and doesn't give one to his wife, I can see that getting old fast for the woman.
Just a quick question. After talking with my wife, she wuas telling me that all her friends husbands could care less about them having a big O. I'm not saying I'm Mr perfect but am I the only husband that most of my pleasure comes from getting my wife off as many times a s possible. From what I've heard this is not the norm. Posted via Mobile Device
My husband also does this. He says it makes it better for him to know that he can please me the few times we do have sex.
I friend of mine mentioned in passing that her husband, who I also know, was very sexually 'demanding'. I didn't ask what that meant and frankly it's none of my business. Knowing what I know about their marriage I think it means he wants sex a lot more than she does. On the other hand I know her well enough to guess that she would practically demand to have both a vaginal and clitoral orgasm, in a specified way, at the specified time, in a particular order with the lights just so, in a bed made in a very specific way, etc. etc. etc. So it's entirely possible that 'demanding' really means, he doesn't service her like a dutiful male concubine.
It's completely false.
A. Men get pleasure from seeing their wife get pleasure. B. Men want more sex so they work hard getting their wife to enjoy it in order to get more of it.
What these women are doing is projecting that their husband's don't care since their husbands are not successful at it and don't know how to discuss it with their wives.
For me, the whole point is to pleasure my wife and enjoy being intimate with her, so I make sure she gets what she needs. I don't have to worry about getting mine cause that's a given. I don't know how a guy could enjoy sex if his wife isn't left fulfilled.
Just a quick question. After talking with my wife, she wuas telling me that all her friends husbands could care less about them having a big O. I'm not saying I'm Mr perfect but am I the only husband that most of my pleasure comes from getting my wife off as many times a s possible. From what I've heard this is not the norm.
No, you are not alone. Good Lovers FEEL this way, their wives pleasure IS their Pleasure, her O is equally if not more so important than his (but you know this is easier for guys- they will get it!) . Forplay is just as enjoyable, just as much anticipation in taking the time to get her hot & bothered -then bringing her to the mountaintops, often right along with him.
My husband is one of these men. For him, it has ALWAYS & forever been about me, as much forplay as I need-there were times be worked on me & I feel asleep (I know this is awful, but in the past for sure). Always waiting for me to get mine, many times he has struggled with that, but he has mastered it , then I tell him to let loose, plow me, give it to me good, give it to me hard, sometimes I say nothing, he just KNOWS. And we ride the rapture together, I know this brings him sheer happiness. Nothing less will do.
He has told me he would not feel fullfilled if I did not get mine, it would bother him tremendously. I asked him if he would have still married me (if I had trouble), he said probably but it would have plagued him, it is just THAT important for him. None of this is any concern cause I always do - on those rare occasions he went 1st, I got mad & made him give it to me again!
I even got a taste of what it would feel like to get MINE and him not get his, in these past couple years. And it inwardly bothered ME. I wanted him to get his! It just wasn't the same. It matters to both us of. His Pleasure is My pleasure, My pleasure is His pleasure.
Men's Health recently ran an article online about The 10 Rules of Sex (or something like that, I forget the exact title). In it, the #1 rule is to make sure the woman cums first, because it takes her longer to get there. Most guys might as well have a button grafted onto their leg that the press anytime they want to blast off, that's how easy it is for us. But it's important for men to get their women off first because:
1) Watching your wife's eyes roll back and her back arch is the greatest thing in the world.
2) The delay in our own orgasm will intensify its strength and release.
3) Once the husband has done his job, he can just relax and enjoy the rest of the ride.
But when I hear stories like this from ladies, the first thing that always pops into my head is this: do their husbands know that they're not satisfying their wives, or are the wives faking it? I have occasionally heard of a woman faking orgasm for her partner's sake early in the relationship, and gets trapped in that cycle because her partner is "just doing what he's always done," but the wife is afraid to say why it doesn't work anymore.
Dr. Rockstar, that article sounds interesting, even if it's a generalization... Things are switched in my current relationship, although I'm blaming the condoms for my slow trigger. But my lady can cum in less than 2 minutes to start with, and then even quicker after that. And yes, it's pretty obvious when she does. I'll just say that I wash a lot of towels... She always does cum first, and I get mine somewhere in the middle.
I always figured that if a woman regularly fakes an orgasm and never works to improve her partner's ability to address her needs, she's getting what she deserves. Same with guys whining about their partner's abilities, but they never speak up because they don't want to hurt her feelings.
Re: How important is her satifaction 
We have had sessions that started out just for me (BJ, anyone?), but after, she will get hers too. Not because she asks for it or anything, but because I can't keep my hands off of her. Most times, she'll reach orgasm before and after me, as well as with me if we can time it right. I recently bought her a little "finger" vibrator, which is great for slipping between us at the right time.
