For men: sex vs. love
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-19-2011, 01:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default For men: sex vs. love

Men,

my husband says I should not confuse sex with love. He loves me, and he enjoys sex with me, but says they are not related.

I have an emotional connection during sex, although I would say I am mostly lustful rather than feeling love at those times. When we are in certain positions and I am just enjoying our closeness I do feel love, but then when I am doing things to bring me to orgasm it is just physical again.

Q: do you feel any love or emotions when you are having sex with your wife? Or is it just physical?
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Old 03-19-2011, 01:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

I can't have sex without an emotional attachment. I need an emotional bond in order to feel it and get into it. In fact, I don't "have sex" with my wife. I make love to her. I have never been one to have a one night stand, get a hooker, etc.
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Old 03-19-2011, 03:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

Perhaps if there were more DanF's in the world it would be a better place!
Here's my take on it - as a man - there is a time for 'sex' and there is a time for 'love making'.
Sex - is when I am feeling really horny and just need it, want it. Basically I need to 'shoot my load'...it might only take me 2 minutes and be on the kitchen table. Its very physical.
Love Making - starts with a romantic evening, dinner etc and is slow and very sensuous when you really get into each other. Its mind blowing and you really 'connect' both physically and emotionally with your partner.

There is a time for both scenarios in a marriage.

My only wish was that my own wife would be interested in anyform of sex more than 4 x a year!

SaraAnn - hope this helps!
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Old 03-19-2011, 04:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

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Perhaps if there were more DanF's in the world it would be a better place!
Be careful what you wish for...
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Old 03-19-2011, 04:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

But there and again.....!!
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Old 03-19-2011, 05:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

There is room for both in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having sex just for sex. However, if a man NEVER feels an emotional bond during sex then I think something is missing.

A healthy relationship needs both. I think the extreme of ALWAYS having sex represent something very serious and romantic that can only be achieved with flowers and candlelit dinners is also missing something. There is nothing wrong with treating sex as something fun that can be enjoyed without overly romantic airs.

So to each his own but I think for most people there is not a single approach to sex to be used every single time.
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:55 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

My husband said a lot of men can **** anything when they are hungry. With emotion involved or without emotion involved, young or old, pretty or plain, slim or heavy, tall or short, any type!

But he said sex with a woman you love is much more enjoyable! The feeling is different.

Sex with a call girl, you pay, she serves, you don't feel the need to do anything to please her. (He never had any serious relationships with any women before he met me, he knew he wasn't ready for marriage, he didn't want to break any women's heart. Looking for call girls was the way he solved his needs!)

But with his wife, he does all his best to please and pleasure me! He knows fulfilling my needs is very important!

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Old 03-19-2011, 09:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

Agree with Dan F and jezza-I would much rather have an emotional connection than casual sex. Incidentally, there are times when I have to "blow my load" and I would love to clear off the table with one sweep and do my W there, but unfortunately, we have this cheap IKEA furniture...
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Old 03-19-2011, 11:14 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

Again, women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex. It's not as simple as an I love you I don't love you thing.
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

I think more and more women now can enjoy just sex without love and commitments.
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

My theory is that as soon as a strong emotion connection is made by a man, he needs sex for the feeling of security over those emotions far more than women do. I stand by the idea that men connect love to "sex" (meaning SEX not all the mooshy cuddly foreplay) more than women. Otherwise they would not jump to feeling unloved when they aren't geting it from the woman.
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:17 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

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Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
Again, women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex. It's not as simple as an I love you I don't love you thing.
Actually, in my experience as a woman, I am more likely to use sex to GIVE love because that is what the man seems to take as "i love you"... Me.... I take sex for sex and though there is emotion there, it is on the lower end of my "i love you" language... it is more a result of the rest.
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

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Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
My theory is that as soon as a strong emotion connection is made by a man, he needs sex for the feeling of security over those emotions far more than women do. I stand by the idea that men connect love to "sex" (meaning SEX not all the mooshy cuddly foreplay) more than women. Otherwise they would not jump to feeling unloved when they aren't geting it from the woman.

omg....yes that makes so much sense!
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Old 03-19-2011, 12:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

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omg....yes that makes so much sense!
Recently talked about this with my SO and he had an "ah ha" moment and said "Holy sh*t, you're right"... I always knew, since our first fallout, that he needed sex to have security in our relationship, while I love the sex, I need totally different things to find that same security. Seems it has been that way in all my adult relationships. For him, with our relationship, it is not about just sex, but really is about him having a physical representation of our connection. I totally don't really get that from the sex, but do get it in spades elsewhere.
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Old 03-19-2011, 02:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: For men: sex vs. love

to quote my wife's quote of somebody I don't remember but "sex without love, is violence"... there with that said... my take...

for me I can't really call sex without love/emotion sex anymore... I, have to be into someone to have sex with them... there are things that make sex for me exciting thats too personal to expose to a "emotional stranger"...

I can't say there is a true black & white answer for a question like this... so my perspective (not to be rude or offend) without love the ugly term c** bucket comes to mind...
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