Wife only wants quickies
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-20-2011, 12:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife only wants quickies

I have been married for 24 years, and over the years our sex life has gradually diminished to the point where we are having sex about twice a month. I am the one who initiates sex 98% of the time, and when she is agreeable she only wants a quickie. I find my wife extremely attractive and desirable, and after waiting a long time for her to be "in the mood", I want to spend some time having fun. She will say something like, "ok, but be quick about it", or "let's see if you can set a new record for quickness". I am all for quickies, but not when that is all that she wants!

She used to love for me to be playful (or at least she seemed to) and let me touch her often. Now she seems to be annoyed when I try this. I have pretty much given up any playful behavior after constant scorn and rejection. It really hurts when she does not reciprocate any of my gestures. She also does not understand that it is not a real turn on or confidence booster when a man is told to "hurry up and get it over with". She has not given me oral sex in almost 5 years, and she rarely wants me to perform oral sex on her. She seldom likes anything but missionary, and we only have sex in the bedroom late at night

I absolutely love my wife, and have no desire to leave or cheat, but the frustration is building up. I feel very unfulfilled sexually, and I do not know what to do. When we do have sex, she always orgasms and it is extremely enjoyable. She says that she has not lost her attraction for me, and that I just need to not be so focused on my desires. She says I should be thankful for when we do have sex, and just look forward to the next time. The problem is that the "next time" is usually far away, routine, and rushed. Any advice?
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Old 03-20-2011, 10:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife only wants quickies

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Originally Posted by gtsanchez View Post
I have been married for 24 years, and over the years our sex life has gradually diminished to the point where we are having sex about twice a month. I am the one who initiates sex 98% of the time, and when she is agreeable she only wants a quickie. I find my wife extremely attractive and desirable, and after waiting a long time for her to be "in the mood", I want to spend some time having fun. She will say something like, "ok, but be quick about it", or "let's see if you can set a new record for quickness". I am all for quickies, but not when that is all that she wants!

She used to love for me to be playful (or at least she seemed to) and let me touch her often. Now she seems to be annoyed when I try this. I have pretty much given up any playful behavior after constant scorn and rejection. It really hurts when she does not reciprocate any of my gestures. She also does not understand that it is not a real turn on or confidence booster when a man is told to "hurry up and get it over with". She has not given me oral sex in almost 5 years, and she rarely wants me to perform oral sex on her. She seldom likes anything but missionary, and we only have sex in the bedroom late at night

I absolutely love my wife, and have no desire to leave or cheat, but the frustration is building up. I feel very unfulfilled sexually, and I do not know what to do. When we do have sex, she always orgasms and it is extremely enjoyable. She says that she has not lost her attraction for me, and that I just need to not be so focused on my desires. She says I should be thankful for when we do have sex, and just look forward to the next time. The problem is that the "next time" is usually far away, routine, and rushed. Any advice?
You need to tell this to her. Communication is key in the road to have a satifying marriage. You have the right to have a wonderful sex life with your wife, so you need to talk to her about this. Firs, educate yourself in this forum, do research looking facts about men sexuallity and how we feel loved and why we seem to have a so much more powerful sexual desire than our wifes, but you can turn things around, it will take some time, work, and being a man in the sense that you cannot give up - you have to fight the good fight. With my wife our sex life was nothing, but nothing what it is today.....today I feel like I can ask her for anything and she will be receptive....I meant is like I can have her anytime i want and everytime is so hot....i mean she goes nuts.....so it takes time and committment on your part to work in your relationship so this is what I recommend:
1. take her to a place where you can talk without being interreputed and tell her how you feel. But before educate youirself about man and woman sexuality and share the info with her....tell her that it is important for her to read since it is a big problem for you and should be for both of you....she needs to understand that you are not happy with your marriage...you have to tell her that without a vibrant sex life you are not happy and cant feel close to her.....it is primal - we need sex and feel wanted to feel loved the closest to our hearts...
2. you need to tell her that this situation of yours has to change or you will recent her someday when looking back and realizing all the sex related things you did not get to experience and now you cant because of your age - it will bite you in the butt someday...and you will stop loving your wife....
3. the most sex,the better marriages.....everywhere you can find this info, go google it as many as you can and share it with her.....she can go so far rejecting the idea she is not doing anything wrong, until she realize that she may be the one neglecting your marriage
4. dont give up, dont give up, tell her that you are suffering that you want to experience the closest level of connexion two human being not bounded by blood can experience...
5. it is just love after all - read and read and you'll realize that it is not your fault feel like you want sex so much, is God given gifts to human where we can explore and experience levels of pleasures and love only recerved for human..

Think it this way, human have messed up with the way woman are up brought around the world, my wife came from a very catholic, conservative, poor communication, ignorant family....she didnt even let me finger her or licking her pussxxx, today I can enjoy my wife the way i need where she shows me enthusiam (she initiates now 50% of the time) and even when she doesnt she is very much into it. we have sex around 7 to 8 times a week - which includes saturday or sunday morning anal....which is amazing because I first eat her ass out like the world is gonna end which really satisfy my very primal instincts and i am good the whole week...happy and want to please her...ah!.....

the most imporant thing that happens to us was no so much the incredible sex we are having right now but the level of feeling close to each other.....is amazing...the other day we kiss in the middle of the evening and it was incredible...so much passion, she would open up her mouth and I pushed my tonge inside that I promised you it hurts at my end and i touched the end of her throw it was so incredible hot, I was so hard that I thought i was gonna explote.....and we kiss like wanting to swallow everithing...wow...and this sort of hot passionate kissing is happening very often now which is another way to show sex without being in bed.....what I want to say....being with a female that understand how to be happy with a high drive sex male, and she is accepted the idea of embrace his sexuallity and enjoyed it before is gone, is the best think it can happen to you...to me is my heaven...good luck
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Old 03-20-2011, 10:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife only wants quickies

my wife also goes though these moods from time to time...bad thing is when my wife does goes into these moods it (give me doggy style or go to sleep)...so what i started doing is compromising... IDK about your wife but i know when my wife goes though these give me a quickie moods its always because of what she calls a Pitty screw she dont want any just wants you to get it over with...the goal is to get her to want it, she says ok give me a quicky tell her ill pass lets just make out no sex see where it goes. How old are you and your wife? i see you said you been married 24 years...is she old enough to be going though the change? if so consider that and sit her down and talk it out tell her you need more then just a quick toss in the sheets, and dont give in every time to her hurry ups...if she says hurry up let her know thats not what you want and just hit the bed.
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Old 03-20-2011, 06:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife only wants quickies

Sanchez, you must be married to my best friend! She and her H have a fabulous relationship, lots of lunches and talks, but little sex. Every few months they have sex and she has multiple orgasms just from penetration (no clit stim). She laughs at my sex drive! She has none!!! Yet she loves him. I can't figure this out.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife only wants quickies

Sara,

I sure wish I could figure it out as well. She says that she has no complaints and that her attraction for me has not faded, but yet she does not want to have sex often. I don't think it is menopause since it has been gradual for many years, and the way it is now for at least 7 years. She does not seem to want to change at all, and says that it is all me. She says that I just need to learn to be happy with what I get. I am very frustrated, but not enough to leave. I hope I can figure it out some day.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife only wants quickies

Marriage counseling. if she loves you and is a healthy person, she will want to go.
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