03-21-2011, 01:23 PM
Join Date: Feb 2011
| | Please Help Me Get Through This Difficult Time!
Here a brief on the situation up until now. Married 21 years, we became not so close out of years of not having a good flow of emotional intimacy (me not providing enough) and physical intimacy (her not providing enough or being into it when it does occur). 5 months ago she said she wanted a separation and was going to take the kids and move in with her parents. She said that because of my daughter she was going to wait another quarter of the school year before doing so. I new that our relationship was not at a place that either one of us wanted it to be but I did not realize that she was at this point so I was a little shocked and panicked. I pleaded with her that since she wasn't planing on leaving for 2 or 3 months anyways to agree to give it one last try. I found out later that she had been having an emotional affair for about 3 months with an old boyfriend (dated before we met) who also happens to be her aunt's brother. She had sent him love song type lyrics, flirted, and chatted with on facebook and had multiple phone conversation with him while I was at work and the kids were not home. She had also met up with him at least twice - once at her aunt house when he was doing some work for him and once at her cousins wedding that I could not attend and his wife did not attend. I know that he danced at least once with her and also danced with my daughter. Everything I found out about these things and any details on my own she did not give me any info. The EO contact has stopped?
Ok so we have been going to counciling and things have generally been going much better. I have become much more emotionally attached to her but she is been unable to feel the physical attachment to me that I need. I am trying to continue to do give 100% to my marriage and I feel like that she wants to but is unable. She says the EO is no longer being contacted and that it is just going to take time. I believe her about 75% on the EO contact and I am having a difficult time continuing to give 100% to someone that is not giving it back. I have had a lot of help from the Lord in allowing me to deal with everything through my prayers. I was wondering if anyone else had been through something similar or could try to put yourself in mine or my wife's place and help offer some advice to help us through it.
1. What can I do to help her?
2. What can I do that will help me?
3. It is so painful sometimes I really get in a bad way and worry myself that I will do something really stupid. Prayer usually helps but sometimes it is so overwhelming. What thoughts do you have when I am in this place?
4. If she was not going to be separated from me for a couple of months why was she telling me that at that time? It would have been even more difficult living together for that time.
5. Had she said the same thing a year ago (wanting to separate) I most likely would have just said go. However during her emotional affair she was treating me like I needed to be treated as a husband and now I feel like (even though I sure that it was acting out her feeling for someone else one me -Ick) we can have a relationship that would be everything I need in a marriage. Is this a false hope?
Last edited by timjones; 03-21-2011 at 01:45 PM.
Reason: To make more sense.