Kity

Firstly im new here and wanted to say hello

Got married in 2009 things were good before we got married but the last time we have been intimate was on our honeymoon. There has been nothing since despite me telling him how it makes me feel, not wanted, unattractive etc, he said it would change but again nothing. I then told him i couldn't do this anymore, he promised it would change but yet again it didin't. I don't know what i can do as he doesn't want to talk about it. Just wanted a wee bit of advice.

Syrum

Leave. He has deceived you in a major way. You deserve to feel loved, sexy and wanted, everybody does.

Kity

Thank you for your reply - i appreciate it greatly.
All i want is to feel loved and wanted.

Syrum

Clearly he has some major issues. You have given him times to do something about them. He has showed zero interest, this tells me he does not care about you and your needs.

I would move on.

Runs like Dog

Gay? Green Card Wedding?
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Kity

i think thats why im so upset because i realise that our marriage is at an end. I feel like such a disappointment given that i have only been married for just over a year.

Kity

green card wedding? No we are both from the same place.
gay? dunno i have never asked him. Never thought about it.

SimplyAmorous

You have not had intimate relations with your husband for well over a full year ! Why the hesitation to leave him?

What do you feel is HIS issue? Porn addiction? Does he masterbate, do you see him looking at other women? Men?

Is he on any new medications that affect his Libido?

Kity

Because i feel like i would be letting a lot of people down and because im in my early 20's i don't want anyone to think i just gave up which is why i have tried over and over again but i don't seem to be getting anywhere.

I have no idea whatsoever what his issue is, never found any porn or anything. If we are out in the car i would see him have the odd glance.

He isn't on any medication - nothing.

notaname

What have you done to initiate sex? Does he turn you down? Are you waiting for him to approach you? Has he seen a doctor about his lack of desire? Have you been to a marriage counselor?

Kity

Well for example he would just announce he was going to bed and walk on leaving me to turn off lights, lock door etc so by the time i get up the stairs to bed he is "asleep" (the quickest person i know to fall asleep so quickly).

Rang to see if we could get an appointment today with a counselor and i told him. He said ok but didn't want to talk about it!

Syrum

This is your life and as you said you are only in your early 20's. You have plenty of time to have a full filling life. Do not stay and regret it later, because the only person you are really letting down is your self.

If other people are upset that you leave him, well quite frankly they should marry him.

Kity

lol Syrum you really made me laugh there about them marrying him.

but you do have a really good point i know i shouldn't care what others think.

notaname

So it sounds like neither one of you initiate sex. You might try it and see what his reaction is.

That is good that you've made an appointment. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of the problem. Then you will know if it is something you can work on or if it is time to part ways.

SimplyAmorous

Please listen to me. You are YOUNG, you have an entire life ahead of you, Sex/making love/intimacy/affection , these things are beautiful, they are meant to be within marraige shared on a regular basis with pleasurable enjoyment, these things are stress relievers, what we do to make up after fighting, Biblically it is 2 people becoming "one", it brings us emotional connection, keeps many from resentment.

NEVER worry about the Judgers in life. It makes no difference if you are a Saint, someone will come along and JUDGE, this you can count on. Syrum is right, let them "marry" him and walk a month in your shoes.

YOU will regret wasting these years if you stay in a sexless unfullfilling marrraige. Terrible regret. Read some stories from this site http://sexlessmarriage.yuku.com/ this will open your eyes to the pain that never ends.

You need to sit him down, have a long talk. You said he doesn't want to talk about it. This is NOT acceptable! If he is NOT willing to go see a counselor, go see a medical Doctor to look into his Test levels, this IS & should BE a DEAL BREAKER.

Move on, find happiness with another, at your age, most men are dying for sex!