Rhyno

I have been married 6 years and my wife has never had a particularly high sex drive but now it seems non existent.

There have been periods where we have very regular sex but now I can honestly say we've had sex twice (both on the same night) in the last year!!

When we do have sex my wife always orgasms tells me how she is so sorry that we don't do it more often and that she wants to every night from now on.... that doesn't materialize though!

I am out of the house 12 hours a day (5-6 days a week) as a builder and ensure we earn enough that my wife remains a housewife and mom, not having to go out and work herself. When I get in from work I play with the children, bath them and put them to bed and then help with housework. On my days off I take care of the housework.

My wife still has a relatively good social life, seeing friends and family both with and without the children several times a week. I have almost no social life anymore outside of the Gym. I still take my wife out and make lots of little romantic gestures that my wife enjoys although she does not return the favor.

My wife still looks great (we are both 29) and I let her know this. I tell her exactly how much I love her and our relationship is good in all aspects except physically.

If I attempt to hug or massage her she shrugs me off, and she pushes me away when I try to kiss her she says she feels smothered. If I then look hurt (which I genuinely am) my wife gets angry. If I try and talk about it she says 'not now' or that talking about sex makes her feel pressured. I've tried to ascertain the root cause of the issue but I just can't?

I get a lot of female attention when I'm out and about and on the few times I do go out with friends, although I'd never tell my wife this as I wouldn't want her to worry about me going out. I'd NEVER cheat on my wife although recently girls smiling and/or talking to me has given me a warmness that I haven't felt in a long while with my wife.

I'm just VERY VERY frustrated.... I'd never leave my wife, I just really want to know what I can try to make it work again.

Smackdown

I'd give her he space she's asked for. Sounds like she has too much attention from the kids/friends, she may just need some alone time w/ herself. Make it a point not to say too much, withdraw some, don't touch her @ all and see if she acts differently. When you have sex do you spend the time getting her in the mood? Are you pushy? Try not even asking for it @ all, instead try concentrating on the kids and their needs. I know it sucks but she may just need to decide for herself she wants you, it'll take a while but will be good in the long run.
Mouse

Syrum

Look up the thread on here about non sexual touching. And try being a little bit more dominant, but be caring and not a jerk.

Rhyno

Thanks guys, really appreciate the advice.

PHTlump

Your relationship is not good. Good relationships have sex more than once a year. The lack of sex is a symptom of a poor relationship.

You are doing too much. You work 60-70 hours a week. Your wife doesn't work. She should do the housework. You can pick up after yourself in order not to make more work for your wife, but it's not reasonable for you to perform a significant portion of the housework.

Your wife has time for an active social life and you don't. While it's understandable for a housewife to have more leisure time than her husband, it's unreasonable for the husband to carry her burden and have no leisure time.

When you act like the help, you get treated like the help. Would your wife want to make out with the maid?

To see if you get a reaction from your wife, go out with her to a place you're likely to get some attention from women. You don't have to flirt back very hard, but see if your wife gets jealous. A slightly jealous wife can be pretty affectionate.

I also would stop reassuring her. If she knows that you are committed to never leaving her, then she doesn't have to try to keep you around. Why not treat you like crap? You'll take it. She should believe that you have a limit.

PHTlump

I posted too fast and didn't post this fact. It sounds like you have very little time together with your wife. You work all day, then deal with the kids and housework at night. There's probably no alone time with your wife.

Try to make some time to talk alone with her at night. Her doing more housework will help free up time at night. Don't try to make it physical at first. Just try to get her talking. She may be missing an emotional connection to you since you're too busy being the provider/dad/housekeeper.

MGirl

Excellent advice

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Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde