So, I posted reasons why women don't want sex with their husbands and a solutions list to resolve this as well. Alot of women were curious why some men do not want sex with their wives but I would like to spin that from the negative and turn it more in to the positive. Call me the female Dan Savage. So ladies, if you see you are lacking in this list, this might be your key to a happier sex life.
To preface, these are 4 married men and one divorced man. 2 are happily married for over 12 years, 1 is unhappily married for 7 and another is divorced but in a serious 3 year relationship. The last is my BIL who is dealing with his wife's infidelity. Married 10 years and struggling. They often call me or email me for advice as I have known most of them for over 20 years and they are very close friends of my husband and yes he knows they all ask for advice.
So here goes in no particular order except number 1:
1. Love. They love you. They really do. They feel your love through sex. They feel the closeness and the connection. It isn't about the physical release, it is about the bond and it secures them in feeling your love for them.
2. Beauty. They think you are gorgeous. They appreciate that you take the time to take care of yourself and look good. They do view this as a reflection on them and thus feel you respect them by trying your best.
3. Stress. Sometimes no matter how much gaming they play, sex is the best relief for stress. Be it a tough day at work or something coming up, this calms them down.
4. Porn. They see things and want to try it out. It triggers a sensor and they are ready. They don't want you to be a porn star, they want you to be willing to try something different, within reason.
5. Infidelity. They want to restake their "claim" to you and want to do it often.
6. Promotion. A promotion can be a huge feather in his cap and he wants to feel love and appreciation from you. Go back to #1.
7. Job loss. Society puts so much pressure on men to be providers regardless if their wives work. A man without employment feels this. He needs to feel "manly" and sex provides this. This time is crucial.
8. Death. Losing a loved one can be very detrimental to a man. He feels his own mortality. Sex helps him feel immortal for a brief period of time.
9. Health. A man who has sex regularly lives longer and is at less risk for certain illnesses. Sure his hand can take care of that but a man who is happy and loves his partner lives years longer.
10. Thoughts of others. Most men have thoughts of others. They love the way their female co-worker laughs at their jokes and makes them feel good. They want you to do that. You are their world. Having regular sex ensures a continued bond and they are unlikely to stray if they feel you adore them.
11. Ego. Getting up to go to work knowing that last night your wife rocked your world is a huge ego boost to a man. Knowing he rocked your world is an even bigger one.
12. Becoming a Father. This is a HUGELY stressful time for a man. He often feels helpless and second class. The focus is around the baby and the new Mother and he often feels selfish for having needs. He does need to feel cherished and loved and that means sex, granted after a doctor has given the sign off.
13. He had an accident. Go back to #8 and #1.
14. You are stressed. They want to help you. They want to make you feel better. An orgasm would make you feel better in a mans mind.
15. Adoration. He adores you. He wants you. He in turn wants you to adore him. He wants to make love to you and only you. Go back to #1.
So there it is.