Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
All I can tell you is, I have a wonderful husband (he is a better human being than I am by far) , been looking and enjoying playboy since he was 11, learned pretty much all he knew about sex from these magazines. Does NOT at all like Breast implants, still likes hair on women, he waited till marraige to have sex with me (this was 8 yrs of waiting mind you) , and has always been 100% faithful, even feels masterbating is a form of cheating in marraige, and didn't do it, always waiting for me.
Also we've talked about if watching porn, if he "thinks" on some of these women, as it is something to discuss. It is important and bad IF a spouse is going there, I agree. He knows he can tell me ANYTHING, but swears he has never done this, and it is true, if we have it on, he prefers it off, a distraction. He has zero reason to lie to me as I have admitted I have randomly thought of other men in my head, maybe a hot porn star, and believe this little fantasy is totally normal. But for him, I guess it is not happening. (though again I think this is not the norm)
Porn has NOT influenced his mind as you speak here in your post. I am VERY sure my husband is not a total freak of nature.
I am accually thankful he had the knowledge he did so he knew what to do with me! I wish he would have had more knowledge in fact cause our sex life was very dull for too many years. Those instructional videos was helpful to us.
And my husband can not even bare to watch a RAPE scene on tv, he wants to go out & kill someone when he sees women hurt.
Not all men who enjoy at little porn LOOK upon women the way you are painting. Lord, he NEVER expected me to act like a porn star, he never even asked me for a BJ -in 19 yrs ! Watching some porn, for us, has been insightful, enjoyable and helpful. If that makes us uncreative, and my husband a bad lover, well I guess I will be insulted.
It is just MY story. My opionion. So the fact is -you are against ALL, not just women who are being abused, lured in by evil men, but all women who willingly -wantingly to take part in -even a Sex therapist' video, ALL BAD, all damaging. You view SOFT as damaging & as objectifying as Hard core .
Very Interesting.
People are not commodities and should not be for sale. And my fiance and myself have viewed porn. he has probably viewed far more then I care to think about really. I certainly don't think he is a bad person or hold it against him in way shape or form.
He treats me very well. Our sex life is very good. However that doesn't mean he hasn't been changed by the porn he has watched and that I haven't either. I can't unwatch or unsee anything I have seen.
the facts studies show porn does change you and your perceptions of things, to what degree depends on many variables. But everything we see and hear changes us and some for the worse, just like porn.
The pornification of women has permeated our culture and society, we now see it as an acceptable norm and people clearly invested in that norm will argue their right to view it and how women get to "choose" it to the death. I really don't think they can see the issue clearly.
No one should ever have the right to buy and sell people or put their sexual desire over someones human rights and suffering.
Yes , I do believe there is at least one man on this planet who doesn't let what he sees in porn drive his sex life: me.
As I said upthread, what I enjoy in my sec life tends to drive what I find enjoyable in porn. Truthfully, there are some things that, before having tried them and enjoyed them in the bedroom, I'd avoid and/or skip past in porn. Didn't float my boat. After trying it for myself, though, I came to appreciate it in porn.
Of course you've seen it on this forum. So have I. That's not a result of booth itself...that's a result of their own, existing, inflated sense of entitlement. I don't, nor did I ever, have a "right" to sex with a variety of women. Women are beautiful. There's nothing wrong with recognizing that. It's when doing so (or more) goes beyond the boundaries set within a relationship that it becomes a problem. And, going beyond boundaries is not caused by porn. It's caused by someone being selfish. Posted via Mobile Device
Very refreshing to read your perspective. It is so discouraging, confusing and dispiriting to read some of the defense of porn post. But you have to see that there are very few reasonable voices like yours.
You neither defend or condemn it. I cant be so neutral because I know that the young girls in these videos are manipulated.
I believe defending porn is supporting predation of young girls to keep the new videos coming out. No 18 year old girl knows what she is doing when she agrees to make a porn video. It is easy for a predator to inducement a young girl into doing something that will damage her, she is new everything is exciting she knows of no consequences. A woman would never accept the same inducements.
People are not commodities and should not be for sale. And my fiance and myself have viewed porn. he has probably viewed far more then I care to think about really. I certainly don't think he is a bad person or hold it against him in way shape or form.
He treats me very well. Our sex life is very good. However that doesn't mean he hasn't been changed by the porn he has watched and that I haven't either. I can't unwatch or unsee anything I have seen.
the facts studies show porn does change you and your perceptions of things, to what degree depends on many variables. But everything we see and hear changes us and some for the worse, just like porn.
The pornification of women has permeated our culture and society, we now see it as an acceptable norm and people clearly invested in that norm will argue their right to view it and how women get to "choose" it to the death. I really don't think they can see the issue clearly.
No one should ever have the right to buy and sell people or put their sexual desire over someones human rights and suffering.
Syrum,
You can win some and you can not win others. SA has clearly stated that we all have choices. Good ones and bad ones. I agree with that. She has a somewhat Pollyanna view though. A woman who has been raped by her Father or brother, a woman who has spent her childhood in sexual abuse likely views herself as worthless and thus values herself solely based on her sexuality. Could she rise up like a Phoenix and say "no more"? Yes. Is it likely? No. She is so broken that she lacks the ability to recognize it. I talked about the women I knew on the set. They all came from this background and they also all took drugs to numb their pain. I doubt any of them thought next year I am going to apply to Harvard. They have no future. That was it. I liken it the same way as why a woman stays in a physically abusive relationship. People can look through the window and chastise her for staying but why is she staying? She is broken. She doesn't know any other way.
SA talked about nobody starving in the fattest country on Earth. Education is free to all and healthcare is there for the taking.
Everyday I drive to work and see a man who tries to make a living by gathering scrap metal in dumpsters and tossed along the road. He rides a bicycle and has attached a cart on wheels in the back. He is literally the sickest looking man I have ever seen. One day I walked up to him and we started talking. He dropped out of school in the 9th grade because his Mother was sick and she had to cut back her hours. He felt he needed to work. He did. With a 9th grade eduction he couldn't help her out much. After working fast food for a few years, a man approached him and said he could make alot more turning tricks. He did. He is now 26 years old with full blown AIDS and looks like he is 60. Heath and Human services would not pay for his drug ****tail back when it was HIV because it was too expensive. $1k a month. He is given pain killers to ease his suffering and that is all. His mother has since died and he is on the streets. When I met him he hadn't eaten for days. What options does he have? If nobody starves in the fattest country on Earth, what about him? If healthcare is a there for the taking, then why is he being left to die?
I feed him every day. I make him breakfast and lunch and give him money for dinner. I drive up there on weekends and if I cannot, my husband does.
Ghandi said how you treat your sickest and your youngest is a measure of your society. When are we going to realize that preying on those who cannot speak for themselves is unacceptable?
Porn and prostitution isn't harmless. It just isn't.
Syrum,
You can win some and you can not win others. SA has clearly stated that we all have choices. Good ones and bad ones. I agree with that. She has a somewhat Pollyanna view though. A woman who has been raped by her Father or brother, a woman who has spent her childhood in sexual abuse likely views herself as worthless and thus values herself solely based on her sexuality. Could she rise up like a Phoenix and say "no more"? Yes. Is it likely? No. She is so broken that she lacks the ability to recognize it. I talked about the women I knew on the set. They all came from this background and they also all took drugs to numb their pain. I doubt any of them thought next year I am going to apply to Harvard. They have no future. That was it. I liken it the same way as why a woman stays in a physically abusive relationship. People can look through the window and chastise her for staying but why is she staying? She is broken. She doesn't know any other way.
SA talked about nobody starving in the fattest country on Earth. Education is free to all and healthcare is there for the taking.
Everyday I drive to work and see a man who tries to make a living by gathering scrap metal in dumpsters and tossed along the road. He rides a bicycle and has attached a cart on wheels in the back. He is literally the sickest looking man I have ever seen. One day I walked up to him and we started talking. He dropped out of school in the 9th grade because his Mother was sick and she had to cut back her hours. He felt he needed to work. He did. With a 9th grade eduction he couldn't help her out much. After working fast food for a few years, a man approached him and said he could make alot more turning tricks. He did. He is now 26 years old with full blown AIDS and looks like he is 60. Heath and Human services would not pay for his drug ****tail back when it was HIV because it was too expensive. $1k a month. He is given pain killers to ease his suffering and that is all. His mother has since died and he is on the streets. When I met him he hadn't eaten for days. What options does he have? If nobody starves in the fattest country on Earth, what about him? If healthcare is a there for the taking, then why is he being left to die?
I feed him every day. I make him breakfast and lunch and give him money for dinner. I drive up there on weekends and if I cannot, my husband does.
Ghandi said how you treat your sickest and your youngest is a measure of your society. When are we going to realize that preying on those who cannot speak for themselves is unacceptable?
Porn and prostitution isn't harmless. It just isn't.
Then by all means, tell him. When we first got together, I told my wife that if I'm in the mood and she's not, I don't want her to do it just to pacify me. If we aren't both enjoying it, there's no point. If I just want to get off, I've got a hand that's served me well over the years. By the same token, neither of us is beholden to do something we don't want to do.
From reading this, quite frankly, I'd say the problem isn't porn. It isn't even that he might be "getting ideas" from porn. It's that the dynamic is uneven, and one that no longer lends itsel (if it ever did) to both of you feeling secure enough to voice not only wants and desires, but what you're uncomfortable with. If he's not willing to take your thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes into account, there's far more at play than porn.
As I've indicated, while some relationships may have A "porn problem," I disagree that there is a universal, inherent "porn problem.". Porn in and of itself does not create problems within a relationship. Porn, on it's own, has no more control over anyone than they allow it to have. Based on what I've read of your posts, I wouldn't dream of denying that porn plays a part in problems within your relationship. I'm sorry for that. If I had any kind of control over that, I'd gladly change it for you. And, it's undoubtedly colored your perceptions on the issue. However, there are plenty of us out here - male and female - who both enjoy it and are able to maintain a realistic view of it. It's no more inherently "bad" than any other form of entertainment. The problems begin when mixed with personalities that don't allow for that healthy, realistic comprehension of it and oneself.
Posted via Mobile Device[/QUOTE]
Gray I did not want to leave you with the idea that my husband in any way demands anything from me that I do not want to do. I was sexually repressed when we got married and I have grown a great deal. I want to make him happy.
He accepted me exactly the way I was and would accept whatever I did as long as we have sex frequently enough for him to feel happy. But I know he wants more and so do I.
If other men are enjoying special acts that are intensely pleasurable then why shouldn't my man. If any man deserves to have a good and satisfying sex life he does. So for me it is not enough to just have sex but to rock his world every now and again. I don't really care where the idea comes from, it not about the act for me, it is about seeing him happy.
I enjoy most of what we do but as I mentioned, there are some things I have problems with and when I think too much, I feel that if porn did not create an interest in this sort of thing, I would not be struggling to make this happen.
I am not blaming men, I am worried about the effects and the complacency. I have a boy and a girl what is going to happen to them, how are they going to manage to find love and happiness in an increasingly pornified society?
This thread has gone crazy. It is either people telling others they are bad or horrible for watching porn or people who thinks its okay. I have decided I will stick to amateur but if you watch it, good for you. If your against, okay, great that is good for you too. I see it like anything else in the world, and its not closing my eye to the problem. You can pick and choose what problems you battle, because you can not do all of them. Right now, (not having a lot of money either) we donate all the time to March of Dimes, and/or red cross. I have a neighbor that refuses to buy meat from factory farm companies but buys crap made in china. I have a family member who refuses to but clothing made in another country, but has no problem buying tech from some company in Asia. 3 or 4 of you have a thing against porn, but I doubt I see you with a picket at Wal-mart.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
This thread has gone crazy. It is either people telling others they are bad or horrible for watching porn or people who thinks its okay. I have decided I will stick to amateur but if you watch it, good for you. If your against, okay, great that is good for you too. I see it like anything else in the world, and its not closing my eye to the problem. You can pick and choose what problems you battle, because you can not do all of them. Right now, (not having a lot of money either) we donate all the time to March of Dimes, and/or red cross. I have a neighbor that refuses to buy meat from factory farm companies but buys crap made in china. I have a family member who refuses to but clothing made in another country, but has no problem buying tech from some company in Asia. 3 or 4 of you have a thing against porn, but I doubt I see you with a picket at Wal-mart.
Really Big Wayneo? I happen to care about many issues, and poverty, capitalism, exploitation etc are just a few. I do tend to focus on large scale industries and I try to be as ethical as possible. I don't just pay lip service to this, i have lobbied, emailed, written etc to many companies and governing bodies and not just about porn.
This is not something that is happening in a third world country, this is the USA, this is something that effects the way men view and treat 50% of the population. That is serious. You can care about more than one thing at a time, and the exploitation, sexual slavery, buying and selling of women, abuse, degradation and women's poverty is something you can care about, and should not ignore.
It's easy to say, the issues too big, or there are other terrible things going on in the world. well none of them are right, and if you can do something about it, why don't you?
You can care about it simply by not contributing to it, by not downloading porn, by not clicking on it. it's simple really, unless you have a vested interest in ensuring women are treated this way for your own selfish sexual desires.
Also going by your signature you are religious (IDK)?
no his quite the opposite, the signature seems to call into question the very existence of God.
Ha yes, I couldn't remember what it said when I was posting, and I edited.
Any who just want to say again that any man who wouldn't want someone he loved making porn, his daughter/sister/wife/mother and still watches it is a hypocrite.
Anyone who claims he loves someone and would want or wouldn't mind them in porn is lying about one or the other.
Also if you watch it but admit you wouldn't want your daughter to go in the industry for instance, why is that? think about it really!
Ha ha, judging by what my husband told me once, that line of an argument does not fly with any man.
According to a man his own women.. be that serious girlfriends/wives/daughters/mothers... are a completely different "breed" of women than women overall.
A man, whose daughter is 19-20, would want just about to lock her up at home till she's 40. Preferable career choice? A nun. LOL The very same man would have no qualms going out with someone else's 19-20 year old daughter.
This is actually funny.. I would want our daughter to have fantastic sex. My husband would want our daughter to have zero/zilch/nada sex. Ever. LOL
Ha yes, I couldn't remember what it said when I was posting, and I edited.
Any who just want to say again that any man who wouldn't want someone he loved making porn, his daughter/sister/wife/mother and still watches it is a hypocrite.
Anyone who claims he loves someone and would want or wouldn't mind them in porn is lying about one or the other.
Also if you watch it but admit you wouldn't want your daughter to go in the industry for instance, why is that? think about it really!
well, for the first part, if anyone I cared for really wanted to make porn...more power to them. Honest. I still do not agree with you on how it effects the male perception of women, but that is an argument we could have till the end of time, (its like the violence in video game argument, which IMO is total BS) does it effect some, or hell a lot of males? Sure but so does a thousand other things. If one of my two daughters want to go pose for playboy, more power to them, will I try to steer them towards law school, I.T., or being a doc sure.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
well, for the first part, if anyone I cared for really wanted to make porn...more power to them. Honest. I still do not agree with you on how it effects the male perception of women, but that is an argument we could have till the end of time, (its like the violence in video game argument, which IMO is total BS) does it effect some, or hell a lot of males? Sure but so does a thousand other things. If one of my two daughters want to go pose for playboy, more power to them, will I try to steer them towards law school, I.T., or being a doc sure.
Why posing for play boy? Why not a sex tape, double penatration 5 guys cumming in their face? More power to them eh? Why would you steer them towards other careers? Could porn be bad for them perhaps? Don't want them to be seen as mere cum buckets?
BTW posing for playboy brings no woman any power. Real power comes from being able to make real choices. It does not come from taking your clothes off and getting men hard. In fact I think it's the opposite of power. it may make some women feel sexually powerful in the moment but if dissected it means nothing, it's false and empty. because once they have their orgasm they don't value you, they don't care for you, they don't care if you are abused, they have no human connection to you. The fact that men tell women that the most important thing is their sexuality and that their power lies in that is sad.
As a father you should be instilling in your daughter that their power lies in them, as people as human beings, and what they can bring and offer as people. Other wise I am just truly sad for them and you.
well, for the first part, if anyone I cared for really wanted to make porn...more power to them. Honest. I still do not agree with you on how it effects the male perception of women, but that is an argument we could have till the end of time, (its like the violence in video game argument, which IMO is total BS) does it effect some, or hell a lot of males? Sure but so does a thousand other things. If one of my two daughters want to go pose for playboy, more power to them, will I try to steer them towards law school, I.T., or being a doc sure.
The effects of porn and all social media can be subtle and show attitude changes and shifts in society over time, it does not mean that it turns everyone into raging loonies, more that it effects the over all tone of society and how people are treated and viewed in general. Society currently believes that is acceptable to evaluate women on their sexuality first and foremost.
If social media has no effect on us, why do advertisers bother to spend billions to try and get us to buy things? i know why, because peoples brains are plastic and can be shaped and moulded by what they see and hear.
One video game would probably change nothing, the increasing level of graphic violence and the depiction of the ill treatment of women and sometimes children, and the pornification of women in just about everything, Porn, TV, television, movies, music clips etc overwhealmingly shapes our views of women and what is acceptable and not acceptable. To you and many others it's become acceptable and it's no wonder.
I guess you might be the only person I know who isn't influenced by society and social media. Major changes in society do not occur without a shift in the dynamics and the way people view their world, these can be good and bad, these can come from all sorts of places, and the fact that porn is now mainstream and a norm shows a huge shift in society over the last 50 years. The pornification of women is now part of our culture, and women and girls and men and boys are influenced by that every single day in subtle and unsubtle ways. They just don't know it.
Re: Porn Perception 
Could porn be bad for them perhaps? Don't want them to be seen as mere cum buckets?
