Porn Perception - Page 9
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Porn Perception

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-03-2011, 02:59 PM   #121 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,531
Default Re: Porn Perception

I grew up with porn and didn't have any body issues. My parents were so open with sexuality that it wasn't a big deal. They also taught me to be self confident and to never do anything just because some boy wanted me to. Today we do have more body image problems from mainstream media than porn.

To this day I do things to please my husband but they are MY idea. I have the right to say no at any time. Mostly I got a good guy. He's not one to ask me to do rediculous things like wax - he knows how painful it is. I do it yes but only because it's easier than shaving and I think it looks neater. I'm not bare though just well groomed.
magnoliagal is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-04-2011, 03:29 AM   #122 (permalink)
Member
 
KathyGriffinFan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
Posts: 206
Default Re: Porn Perception

I'm cool with porn and the hubby watching it but only while I am present. I am not a tool to be used during watching it, because we speak to one another and communicate even while watching it.
Sometimes we like to try something different and our routine varies.

Early in our marriage, I made it clear I was okay with it. I grew up with parents that watched it (eventually I found it myself) and recently found their "stash" while searching for something, and they are in their late 50's. They seem to be healthy and are still together after all this time.

Everything in life needs to be in moderation. I'm not going to refuse watching porn because some other folks might be addicted to it. Gambling, drinking, and sex are all addictive, but I don't stay away from these things in fear of them.
KathyGriffinFan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2011, 03:00 PM   #123 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,480
Default Re: Porn Perception

Busy weekend, both on and off the thread. May try to address some specific posts later, but on an effort to not just toss out a long string of my own replies, my thoughts on a few of the general points that have come up--

Would I want someone I care about to go into porn?

Honestly hadn't considered it. Don't have a daughter, so that specific permutation isn't one I can truly wrap my head around. Wife, girlfriend, mother? Probably not. That's as much to do with the stigma attached and the resulting reactions others might have than anything else. If they're of a personality type who can handle the business emotionally, though, they're adults and it's their decision to make, whether I like it or not. Does that make me a hypocrite? If so, so be it. As the saying goes, do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself. I am vast. I contain multitudes.

On avoiding all porn because some productions involve illegal/harmful activity:

If we avoid an entire industry and it's output because SOME of it is produced in such a fashion...we won't have much, if anything, out there. We'd avoid ALL clothing because Kathie Lee Gifford's clothing brand employed forced child labor. We'd avoid ALL chicken because Pilgrim's Pride violated regulations in their treatment of chickens and/or because Bo Pilgrim flagrantly tried to buy support by trying to hand out checks on the Congressional floor. Heck, we couldn't even buy comic books because Warner Brothers has been involved in a nasty copyright dispute for years with the heirs of Jerry Seigel, co-creator of Superman.

On influencing others' ideas/wants/desires:

We've touched on this before. Suffice to say, while I agree porn CAN influence such things, I don't think it follows that it always, inevitably does. Regarding body image, etc. I'd say that broadcast/basic cable programming has as much or more impact on the general populace than porn, especially among younger demographics. I mean, one of the most popular shows on the Disney-owned, supposedly family-friendly ABC Family channel is "The Secret Life of the American Teenager," now in it's third or fourth season, about the sexual shenanigans of high school students, starting it's run with them as freshmen. Throw in "healthy" doses of so-called "reality" tv, and you've got a pretty nice recipe for expectations and self-image being out of whack if the individual(s) in question don't already have a firm grasp on reality vs fantasy/fiction. That grasp of what's real and what's not has to start at home.

Which reminds me of a recent comment from "Glee"'s Dianna Agron. In response to complaints about the suggestive photo shoot she and co-stars Lea Michele and Cory Monteith did for GQ magazine, she said (paraphrasing), "All three of us are adults. I'm sorry if you're upset or offended that your 8-year-old saw te photos, but I just have to ask: why was your 8-year-old looking at GQ in the first place?"
Posted via Mobile Device
Grayson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2011, 05:29 PM   #124 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,448
Default Re: Porn Perception

I don't think we know if the easy availability of internet porn will increase the proportion of men who become addicted to watching or obsessed with some sexual act. Or if the time spent watching porn will impact American productivity and intellectual development.

Or how young boys who grow up watching internet porn will be able to perform with real woman. The generation coming of age today is the first to be exposed at so young an age.

Porn is geared towards the visual stimulation and gratification of men, if it makes them masturbate then it is good sex. Real sex is nothing like that. Porn teaches men how to have sex with a vaginal, mouth or butt, not how to make love to a woman.

Some men realize that some never do. Will boys growing up getting their sexual education from porn, learn to make love to a woman? I hope so, if not, woman may lose interest in having sex with men who do not know the difference.
__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less traveled."Entropy3000

"Okay I'm going to tell you what's up. We don't want you to try to please us. We want to be the super stud who rocks your world." WorkingOnMe
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2011, 07:05 PM   #125 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,480
Default Re: Porn Perception

The problem you describe, though, is not one limited to porn. Distilled, the essence of the point you just made is someone using a piece of entertainment/fiction as their primary source of education. Someone using, say, an action movie as their primary source of information for conflict resolution is going to have equally skewed issues in the real world. Someone using romantic comedies as a source for navigating relationships will not have a true grasp of how relationships work.

This brings us right back to the root of the problem being the person who mid-applies what they see in a work of fiction to their real life, not with the genre of the work of fiction itself.
Posted via Mobile Device
Grayson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2011, 07:43 PM   #126 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,448
Default Re: Porn Perception

Gray reading your post made me think of the role of Cinderella/princess stories that little girls are fed that effect their expectations of the men in their lives. We have had the Disney fantasy films for years and look at what it does. I am not a stupid woman but an element of my expectations when I married was based on magical thinking. I suppose if we complain that some men have unrealistic sexual expectations due to porn, we have to also say that some women have unrealistic expectations of men in relationships due to princess fables.

As an example, why do some women find it so hard to be explicit about what they want of a man? Maybe because prince charming never had to be told. Why do some women expect men to be romantic all of the time, or to always have all of the answers, or to make oodles of money but still have time to talk endlessly about the relationship and buy her a castle and Bentley?

Lets admit that humans are prone to dream the impossible, which have lead to many great things in society. But in personal relationships the reality is so much richer, so full and unpredictable, ever changing and exciting, who wants a script.

I still think porn is more damaging for the lives of young girls it eats up and spits out but I see some corollaries in atitudes about the opposite gender. I am loving the one I am with now that I am older and wiser, my husband is so far and above any 1 D prince charming. I think we should strive for not growing our sons and daughters up on fantasies.
Posted via Mobile Device
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2011, 09:35 PM   #127 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,480
Default Re: Porn Perception

Great example, Catherine.

Fantasy is fine as long as we enjoy that fantasy with a firm grasp on reality.
Posted via Mobile Device
Grayson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 01:00 AM   #128 (permalink)
OOE
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: the Moment!
Posts: 125
Default Re: Porn Perception

The tendancy in porn is to:

...portray that women are objects. Really, orifices in many cases.

...establish unrealistic expectations. These expectations are both about looks (for men and women) and performance. "Why does my W never do ______?" (because she's not in a porn film)

...be degrading. Most of the time it's women that are degraded, but not always.

But perhaps the most pervasive issue with porn is how it can cross over into the real world. It's usually filmed so that the man is faceless. This is so a man will fantasize that he's the one doing whatever is being done. Eventually this can lead to the man needing whatever the actress has/does in order to be satisfied.

These just aren't healthy expectations. For example, how is it healthy in any way for a 45 year old man to imagine that he's being sexually degrading to an 18 or 19 year old girl?

I have nothing againt sex. I have nothing against experimentation. I have nothing against masturbation. I also know that there is a small percentage of porn that doesn't match what I said above. But most does... and most is unhealthy for an individual and the couple they are part of.
Posted via Mobile Device
OOE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 05:00 AM   #129 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,312
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grayson View Post
Great example, Catherine.

Fantasy is fine as long as we enjoy that fantasy with a firm grasp on reality.
Posted via Mobile Device
And the issue with and difference between these fantasies is one starts in childhood and IMO is squashed quickly thereafter. The first involves fictional characters and no men are really harmed.

The other one is not really a fantasy because it uses real women, and is fostered encouraged and excused, and moreover portrayed to women as something they really need to be living up to to keep a man happy. It also uses real women or I should say young girls, commodifies them and tosses them aside. It perpetuates the idea that women exist to pleasure men and that it's OK to have meaningless sex with people without connection.
Syrum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 06:39 AM   #130 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,312
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by OOE View Post
The tendancy in porn is to:

...portray that women are objects. Really, orifices in many cases.

...establish unrealistic expectations. These expectations are both about looks (for men and women) and performance. "Why does my W never do ______?" (because she's not in a porn film)

...be degrading. Most of the time it's women that are degraded, but not always.

But perhaps the most pervasive issue with porn is how it can cross over into the real world. It's usually filmed so that the man is faceless. This is so a man will fantasize that he's the one doing whatever is being done. Eventually this can lead to the man needing whatever the actress has/does in order to be satisfied.

These just aren't healthy expectations. For example, how is it healthy in any way for a 45 year old man to imagine that he's being sexually degrading to an 18 or 19 year old girl?

I have nothing againt sex. I have nothing against experimentation. I have nothing against masturbation. I also know that there is a small percentage of porn that doesn't match what I said above. But most does... and most is unhealthy for an individual and the couple they are part of.
Posted via Mobile Device
Thank you for that refreshing male view point.
Syrum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 08:37 AM   #131 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,480
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by Syrum View Post
And the issue with and difference between these fantasies is one starts in childhood and IMO is squashed quickly thereafter. The first involves fictional characters and no men are really harmed.

The other one is not really a fantasy because it uses real women, and is fostered encouraged and excused, and moreover portrayed to women as something they really need to be living up to to keep a man happy. It also uses real women or I should say young girls, commodifies them and tosses them aside. It perpetuates the idea that women exist to pleasure men and that it's OK to have meaningless sex with people without connection.
Enchanted.

The Princess Bride.

Ever After.

All live action, not animated, just as examples. Using live actors does not automatically eliminate something from being fiction/fantasy. Or is it your contention that, say, Avatar is a documentary?

If it's the matter of live actors on screen that, apparently in your view, makes it impossible for ANYONE viewing porn to recognize it as fiction/fantasy, then I go back to what I pointed out earlier:

Are you equally outraged at the off-kilter expectations set for romantic relationships by romantic comedies? Are you equally outraged that, for instance, professional football uses real men or I should say young boys, commodifies them and tosses them aside?
Grayson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 08:44 AM   #132 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,480
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by OOE View Post
The tendancy in porn is to:

...portray that women are objects. Really, orifices in many cases.

...establish unrealistic expectations. These expectations are both about looks (for men and women) and performance. "Why does my W never do ______?" (because she's not in a porn film)

...be degrading. Most of the time it's women that are degraded, but not always.

But perhaps the most pervasive issue with porn is how it can cross over into the real world. It's usually filmed so that the man is faceless. This is so a man will fantasize that he's the one doing whatever is being done. Eventually this can lead to the man needing whatever the actress has/does in order to be satisfied.

These just aren't healthy expectations. For example, how is it healthy in any way for a 45 year old man to imagine that he's being sexually degrading to an 18 or 19 year old girl?

I have nothing againt sex. I have nothing against experimentation. I have nothing against masturbation. I also know that there is a small percentage of porn that doesn't match what I said above. But most does... and most is unhealthy for an individual and the couple they are part of.
Posted via Mobile Device
To a point, I can agree. ANY form of entertainment plays to its primary audience. Historically, the primary audience for porn has been male. It's my understanding that, currently, with availability broadening due to the internet, mail order, etc., more women are viewing porn, as well. While currently a niche market, the niche for porn conceived for and targeted towards women and/or couples is growing.

Likewise, I wouldn't say that in all or even most cases, to use your example, a 45 year old man is "imagining that he's being sexually degrading to an 18 or 19 year old girl," but rather that said 45 year old man is simply enjoying what he's seeing on his tv or computer screen, or the pages of a magazine. You may still find that objectionable, and so be it. But I think it's disingenuous to automatically ascribe sinister motives to someone for viewing porn.
Grayson is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 08:50 AM   #133 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,956
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
Or how young boys who grow up watching internet porn will be able to perform with real woman. The generation coming of age today is the first to be exposed at so young an age.
Sex in the future will probably be done through an iPhone app or through some facebook interface.

I wonder how young boys are going to be able to speak face to face with a girl/woman without a computer between them.
nice777guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 09:27 AM   #134 (permalink)
Member
 
surfergirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 233
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
Sex in the future will probably be done through an iPhone app or through some facebook interface.
Welcome to the future! USB vibrator....comes with a handy usb extention cord.

Not sure if there is anything similar out there for the blokes.
surfergirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2011, 09:31 AM   #135 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,053
Default Re: Porn Perception

Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl View Post
Welcome to the future! USB vibrator....comes with a handy usb extention cord.

Not sure if there is anything similar out there for the blokes.

Kewl...
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
TAM has screwed with my perception of reality... mattyjman General Relationship Discussion 15 10-15-2012 02:19 PM
The perception of reality. AppleDucklings Coping with Infidelity 2 11-29-2011 03:01 PM
The Porn Perception . . . would like to know what others think Sakaye Coping with Infidelity 27 04-12-2011 01:20 PM
Can you change someone else's perception? greeneyeddolphin General Relationship Discussion 5 08-02-2010 11:24 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:42 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage