It is good you have come to these forums. There is the solution to exactly your problem.
I'm new to these forums, and I joined to try and find some advice...
I've been married for three years, and my wife and I were together for around 4 years before that. We have a beautiful and happy 1 year old daughter whom we both love dearly, and would do anything for.
The problem is, our sex life has dwindled to insignificance, and this was starting to happen well before the baby was even born.
I love my wife very much, and I think she is very sexy, but I don't think she shares the sexual need as much as I do.
Your woman will be as sexual to you as you make her feel.
Think about what ways do you make her feel that she is a very sexual woman, married to a sexual man that is worthy of her.
And think about what ways perhaps you do you NOT make her feel this way.
- I am always the one who initiates sex, and more often than not she comes up with some excuse or other (i'm too tired, I have a headache, there are things that need doing etc)
Learn what a "fitness test" is, and stop failing and instead learn how to pass them.
- We haven't had sex for over a month, this is the norm.
A month without sex, not good.
- She hasn't gone down on me in years.
What kind of man were you when she did "go down" on you? And what kind of man perhaps are you now?
- If I try to have a discussion about it, she turns the conversation away to other issues, or gets defensive, and the issue turns into an argument
Talking, begging, pleading, negotiating for sex, this will never work.
Unless your woman is driven to rip off your clothes, or is aching for your touch or to be ravished by you, then you are not doing all that you need to be doing in this area.
Sex is primal, ancient, emotional.
Talking, speaking, using words, negotiating, this is not primal, merely intellectual.
Therefore understand talking is not going to work for sexual attraction.
- I have recently began to get upset and frustrated and even depressed when she turns me down, and my attempts to initiate sex have become less frequent
This is the spiral of resentment.
Your woman, her respect and sexual attraction to you diminishes, and your resentment increases, leading to increased behavior on your part to continue to lose her respect and lose her sexual attraction (behaving as a defeated man).
Tonight I even stopped talking to her after she turned me down. I'm too upset to talk to her and I don't even know how to bring the subject up any more.
Your solution, not to "bring up subject", but instead, start doing things to increase respect and sexual attractoin, and stop doing things to kill respect and sexual attraction.
I think I'm a good husband overall, and I take my share of the housework and childcare responsibilities without bragging or boasting about anything I do.
Well and good, but nothing to do with sexual attractoin.
The man that lights a woman's fire, is not the man that kisses her butt or does much housework. This is simply barking up the wrong tree completely.
Instead, the man that is a challenge, has mystery, who knows what he wants and has the courage and strength to pursue it, is the man who is not deprived of sexual affection.
The man who creates in his woman a FEELING that she must be a very much beautiful and sexual feminine woman to attract the attention of such a man, this is the man who does not go over a month without sex!
I'm attentive and caring about her emotional needs. I feel I'm a romantic person, and regularly reassure her about how much I love her and how much my family means to me, but I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken for granted, and It's very hurtful.
Less words, and more action on your part.
Can anyone please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong,
You are doing much wrong.
Being needy, begging and negotiating for sex, making your woman feel that you are LUCKY to be with her, instead inside her only makes her feel like she is in a relationship with a sexual charity case, which makes her feel like a charity case as well. This is the root of her own resentment and emotional and sexual distance from you.
A woman, she is wanting to FEEL as if her man is the greatest and sexiest man in the world. Therefore to be in a relatoinship with such a man, makes herself FEEL as if she is the greatest and sexiest woman in the world.
and if I'm being too demanding? I really don't know what to think any more!
Not demanding at all.
The lack of sexual connection and affection, is a symptom of a larger problem.
Most importantly, the fact that you even worry about being "too demanding" is itself a great red flag!!!
Your solution, become the kind of man that is worthy of "being demanding".
Start here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-cl...reference.html
I wish you well.