Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
I recently posted the "porn perception" thread. I was so very concerned with my husbands recent delve into porn etc. Now I think I have a bigger worry. . . .
Last night I borrowed his laptop. Im not a snooper, but find things because idk if he's absent minded or if he's wanting me to find them. Although I find it hard to believe the latter could be true. On it his video editing software was open, which is not unusual as my H does videos, and works in the film industry. I took a closer look at the open frames and OMFG, he has been videoing us having sex. I don't know WHEN this started, but there are a bunch of them. I couldn't believe it, my mouth just hung open as I looked at em. Holy ****!! was all I could keep saying over and over.
I shut the laptop right away. WTF? Now Im worried he's going to edit them to be uploaded onto those sites he just recently joined. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
He's never asked. I guess I don't know how to feel. In a slight sense I guess Im somewhat flattered, but more than that, I feel violated. My body is for my husband only and not to video, even if he says its only for him. Our libidos match nicely, we're both active in the bedroom. He could have me whenever he wants, but that doesn't mean I want to be filmed. Its degrading and embarrassing. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
It is a bit flattering in one regard but a total violation of your privacy on the other. I can't imagine how shocked you must have been. Heck, I'm surprised you didn't delete everything - you'd have every rite to.
So can you tell where he was hiding the camera?
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
I have heard of sites like rate my girlfriend or wife, hope it doesn't end up on those sites for people to rate you all. That would be surely degrading. Unless you thought it was flattering.
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
This is a violation in every sense of the word and there is no doubt in my mind that he is planning to post this online.
Heard of privacy laws? In 16 states just the mere filming without consent is illegal. Posting it online without verbal and in some cases written consent is illegal in 29 states.
This isn't him being "into you", this is about him taking a private act that you share with your husband and filming it without your consent. If he was so "into you" he would have asked first. Period!
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
I think you should let him know you did not appreciate his doing this without your knowledge of coarse and have a long talk about honesty from here on in -in everything.
But try to hold on to some of the flattery, it really could be worse.
Personally, if it was me, the only thing I would raise the roof about -would be his not telling me. Not the fact he did it. He is my husband, my body is his body.
I'd have to kick him in the balls if he put it online (just kidding!) now that I would see as much more damaging, keeping that from you. He should NOT be going there by any means- unless you was in it together.
But you still want his honesty, so BE "open" to anything he might confess to you -in case he did it already - so he will not further hide.
No disrespect SA. None. Her body isn't his body. It is her body. She doesn't give up the right to hers because she is married. He videotaped them with the express intent of posting it online. Her parents, kids teachers, boss, friends, clergy, neighbors, in laws could have access to this, not to mention random sickos out there who are using her acts for their own private pleasure. Without her consent.
He wasn't planning on being honest about it either. She found it. As for flattery? Yeah, no. I wouldn't be flattered in any way that somebody I trusted so much violated my trust for his own purpose.
There is a reason this is a crime in many states.
This is a violation in every sense of the word and there is no doubt in my mind that he is planning to post this online.
Heard of privacy laws? In 16 states just the mere filming without consent is illegal. Posting it online without verbal and in some cases written consent is illegal in 29 states.
This isn't him being "into you", this is about him taking a private act that you share with your husband and filming it without your consent. If he was so "into you" he would have asked first. Period!
I agree with this! Sex should only be filmed with the knowledge and consent of both partners. I fail to see how such a violation is a compliment. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.G
I agree with this! Sex should only be filmed with the knowledge and consent of both partners. I fail to see how such a violation is a compliment. Posted via Mobile Device
It isn't a compliment. It is a serious violation of her rights and he thought nothing of them. She is doing intimate things with her husband in the privacy of their home/bedroom. She has the expectation of privacy and not that this jerk is filming them without her knowledge and further planning to post them online for the entire world to see without her consent.
As I said before, this isn't about him being "into her" this is about his inability to respect his wife. If he was "into her", he would have damn well asked.
It isn't a compliment. It is a serious violation of her rights and he thought nothing of them. She is doing intimate things with her husband in the privacy of their home/bedroom. She has the expectation of privacy and not that this jerk is filming them without her knowledge and further planning to post them online for the entire world to see without her consent.
As I said before, this isn't about him being "into her" this is about his inability to respect his wife. If he was "into her", he would have damn well asked.
I added the comment about the "flattering" aspect, because I wanted to know how some of the other posters reached that conclusion. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
I am not disagreeing with anyone here at all. If you will notice - I specifically said
I didn't expect anyone to think they should agree. My point was if my husband did that (without the intent of putting it online, but for his own personal use - I would just find the HIDING of it worse than the filming.
I'm Pollyanna here, never been in such a situation, I know my husband would no do such a thing.
If she brings up this being a crime to him, if he does have anything online, he will never in a million years tell her. That is no good either.
Regardless if he plans to put it online, it is still a violation of her trust. As for him not telling her of previous things posted, of course he is going to lie. He has already proven that he doesn't respect her and her rights and only thinks of himself. What can she do? Three things. Ignore it and move on with her life albeit with concern, confront her husband and ask for the username and login id to the various websites to see if he has posted anything of them or contact a lawyer to send two letters to the ISP and the owner of the websites to see if anything comes back to her IP address. ISP's assign new addresses all the time, millions in fact. She cannot tackle this on her own. They will not respond. With a threat of legal action, they will trace it down to a single computer. The content will be deleted. Like I said, in 29 states this is illegal and for a reason. Having your sex life paraded around the internet is not something you should endure.
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
Please ignore all of my posts, (I am deleting them), because I do not belong on this thread at all, I am not aware of the legalities of this type of issue & never faced such a thing. Listen to those who know what they are talking about.
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
It's strange to me that two out of the five poster put a positive spin on this. Both of them women. Even women are now seeing themselves in terms of how useful they are sexually.
This is a criminal act, a flagrant violation of her rights as a human being and a betrayal of emense proportions. If he posted this and you are recognized, it could effect your ability to get employment, if could effect your relationships, it could be a source of embarassment and shame. It remains online in perpetuity, when you divorce this loser, you will have to tell your next long-term partner just in case some buddy of his recognizes you.
Yet the first post refers to one man's sexual attraction rather than the emotional and personal harm of a criminal act perpetrated by a snake in her own house were she should be safe. Her protector, the man she married regards her as an object for his sexual gratification.
What is the problem with women? Have we lost all sense of ourselves as humans? Are we siding with pop culture now and seeing ourself as good for sex with no human rights. Is her husbands sexual perversion more important than his wife's right to privacy.
Kick the loser out of your house, confescate the computer and store in a locked safe place for evidence. Take out a criminal complaint and divorce him. He is not worth any consideration. You are an object to him show him that you are indeed human. It will be a lesson he will not forget.
Don't take this lightly the repercussions for you are serious and long lasting but, for him, he gets perverted pleasure at your expense. Disgusting pervert. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
I have moved all the files to my personal hard drive. I kept the original files that have a date stamp to em so that the created and edited dates could be traced. When my H gets home tonight we are going to talk about finalizing our divorce, and this video taping escapade.
Prior to this we were on a rocky road to reconciliation, but with all of these new pop up issues, I now see that there can be no resolution. I refuse to be an object of sexual stimulation for him or anyone else. I am so very upset, and where there was maybe a hint of flattery, there is only anger and embarrassment left. I definitely cannot believe I truly trusted this man and felt safe with him. He is highly disturbed and needs help for sure. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602
It's strange to me that two out of the five poster put a positive spin on this. Both of them women. Even women are now seeing themselves through the eyes of men - whether or not they are eeefable
. This is a criminal act, a flagrant violation of her rights as a human being and a betrayal of emense proportions. If he posted this and you are recognized, it could effect your ability to get employment, if could effect your relationships, it could be a source of embarassment and shame. Wince it will be online in perpetuity, when you divorce this loser, you will have to tell a long term partner in case some buddy of his recognizes you.
Yet the first post refers to one man's sexual attraction rather than the emotional and personal harm of a criminal act perpetrated by a snake in her own house were she should be safe. Her protector, the man she married regards as an object for his sexual gratification.
What is the problem with woman? Have we lost all sense of ourselves as humans? Are we siding with pop culture now and seeing ourself as good for sex with no human rights. Is her husbands sexual perversion more important than his wife's right to privacy.
Kick the loser out of your house, confescate the computer and store in a locked safe place for evidence. Take out a criminal complaint and divorce him. He is not worth any consideration. You are an object to him show him that you are indeed human. It will be a lesson he will not forget.
Don't take this lightly the repercussions for you are serious and long lasting but, for him, he get perverted pleasure at your expense. Disgusting pervert. Posted via Mobile Device
I agree. It is unbelievable to me. very well said.
I have no issue with my fiance filming me or us, but he knows this, we have discussed our boundaries. He also would never ever ever post them online, and if I thought he would, I could never trust him again.
What a horrible situation to be in.
You need to confront him. Tell him that if you had known you may have consented to private movies of the two of you, but now your trust is shattered. Tell him if he posts anything online you will sue him. That's just beyond revolting.
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF?
I'm with Catherine and Brennan (and I'm a guy). It's especially concerning because (I believe) you two are in the process of separating? Or am I wrong on that? In any case, it's a huge violation of your privacy, and a huge risk to you that those videos are going to end up somewhere you have no control over.
Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF? 
Re: Recently found - sex vids - and guess who's the star?? WTF? 
