My husband has a problem with orgasms
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-03-2011, 09:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband has a problem with orgasms

This has been going on for a while, maybe 3 years or so. My husband is totally interested and is very affectionate but sometimes when we have sex he can't orgasm. This happens mostly at night but sometimes during the day. He apologizes and claims that he doesn't know what is wrong with him. That it's not me. I'm very secure in our marriage except for that part. Doesn't every guy orgasm during sex? Oh, and he is in his mid 30s so age shouldn't be a problem. Any experiences with this? Is this normal?
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Well I like it best when my wife has the big "O" w/ me, when that doesn't happen I get turned off. There have been other times when stress will prevent me from cumming. I go thru spells when I can't get enough and then there are times when I'm just not in the mood. There have been several times this year when I haven't been able to cum but it's not anything to worry about, at least for me.
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

It may be fatigue. Does he get enough rest? What kind of schedule does he work?
I know-I work a 24/6 on call schedule, the W and I don't get a whole heck of a lot of time to be intimate, and I have to be very rested to cum. If I had a particularly intense work-week (sometimes, 72+ hours), all bets are off.
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Unfortunately rest isn't a problem. 9 times out of 10 I orgasm. He just said that guys sometimes don't orgasm all the time. Is this true? Should we seek medical help? Its not for lack of trying bc he will go and go and go until finally he admits that he cant orgasm.
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Opiate pain meds can make a guy go and go and go, but he is not feeling it enough to have an orgasm. Same happens to women.
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:35 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Opiate pain meds? No, he isn't on those either. Is he just weird?
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:47 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Sometimes I either can't come or it takes me a very long time. I don't think that it's anything to worry about. Some guys complain about premature ejaculation and some of us take a while to get there. As long as you are both happy, don't worry about it.
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Can't orgasm or can't ejaculate? They two distinctly different biological things.
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Old 04-04-2011, 08:09 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

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Originally Posted by zoku32 View Post
Doesn't every guy orgasm during sex? Oh, and he is in his mid 30s so age shouldn't be a problem. Any experiences with this? Is this normal?
Worst thing you can do? Put YOUR focus on his orgasm. All that will do is put more pressure on him to perform ... which he won't be able to do because of the expectation.

No, every guy does not orgasm during sex. Some guys struggle with premature ejaculation ... others have the opposite issue.

I do find it interesting that for all of the women that will reassure their male partners that "it isn't them ..." when they can't have an orgasm, if the shoe is on the other foot, women wonder "What's wrong with him?" and they feel insecure.

Gives you just a hint of insight as to how much we in general worry about performance and acceptance.

Enjoy the ride, don't sweat the destination. Yep, I have the same issue. Certainly doesn't mean that I don't want sex.

Have had girlfriends that were amused when the event would go beyond the 5 minute mark, and eventually be horrified and self-conscious when we'd hit 30 minutes. For a very long time, I didn't know better. I didn't know that 'normal' was under 5 minutes. I thought everybody had sex for hours.

In my case, much like a large percentage of the female population ... intercourse is one of the least likely methods through which I will achieve an orgasm.

Go with what works. Don't sweat what doesn't. Trust me, he's still having a good time ... or at least he should be telling you if he isn't.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Is he on any medications? My dh had trouble with sex taking this one particular antihistamine (zrytec I think). It totally dried him up evidently too well.
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

It doesn't matter. It is only an orgasm. Enjoy the journey not the destination!
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:25 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

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It doesn't matter. It is only an orgasm. Enjoy the journey not the destination!



My husband has this problem. And because of menopause I have my own orgasm issues. We are currently seeing a sex therapist and her first advice to us was stop worrying about orgasms. We were to focus on the journey and the pleasure. This was hard for me as the "O" is sooo good. lol However we have both found the less we focus on the the O's and the more we enjoy the pleasure and the journey, the more easily the orgasms come (for both of us). There are still times where one, or both of us does not reach orgasms, but we are learning that the journey is most pleasurable in and of itself.

Relax - the brain is the biggest sex organ. When we stress about parts of our sex life - it only makes things much worse.
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Old 04-04-2011, 03:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

Hmmm... I was just watching a TV show last night about something related... Is your husband circumsized?

C
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

No, he isn't on any meds and yes, he is circumsiced.

Thanks for all the positive comments. I really needed to hear that. I just hope this isn't leading to a life of bad sex. I'm more of a 5-10 minuter and he is more of a 30 minuter or more. My body can't handle all that.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband has a problem with orgasms

zoku32... You can do some research on "foreskin restoration". The TV show dealt with lowered sensitivity over time by guys that had been circumcised. I have no idea if that's right or not, but there you go...

And you two don't use condoms, do you? You could also try stimulating him through oral or manual sex till he's close to orgasm, then regular intercourse.

C
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