I have a dry marriage and I see there are lots of others on these blogs who suffer the same. I don't want to leave my wonderful partner, but I really cannot live another 20 years without a love life. So I need tips - more than ideas, though. I would like people to post success stories here. Give me hope. Give me evidence. Talk about results and how they really happen. Talk about misteps, goals, and accomplishments.
So here is my story, to get us started. I've been married 18 years. The first 5 were fantastic on the intimacy scene. then a series of stressful things happened - a very bad job for me, a promotion for my husband that made his job very busy, a death, a fight with my mother-in-law that caused a bad riff between us. it is not surprising that a bit of distance developed, but then we really never recovered. (my mother and law and I did recover after about 3 yrs - it is all okay now)
Fast forward, 10 years after all that happened. How did we get here? I think he has become convinced that it is my fault - but mostly I find that his timing stinks. I find he never has time. So, (1) I decided I can't take this lack of love life. (2) I have read every blog I can find (we tried counselling and it failed miserably. Neither he nor the counsellor wanted to talk about sex and he thought the whole thing was a huge waste of time). (3) I have been talking it up like fury. "Remember when..." "I sure do miss...." etc. It took quite a while for this to make an impression - I think he was quite skeptical that I was serious.
okay, so that prepared us. Now is just the shaky step to actual action. bodies are not what they used to be, so I bought some lube. (Boy was that embarassing, but actually, they were really, really nice at the sex store). I insisted on meeting him on a business trip (good to be away). Unfortunately he insisted on going out for dinner, even though I had said quite a number of times that I thought it would be good to order dinner in - treat ourselves (wink, wink, nudge-nudge). When we got to the room, finally, at 8:30, he wanted to read the paper. Okay. whatever (really, some people are so dense!). Finally I presented the lube, which surprised him quite a bit! And we sort of went at it. It was awful. Ironically, a couple in the next door room had a very successful romp just at the moment things should have been good for us. You know, ooo-ooo-aah-aaa, thump, thump, groan, oh-oh-aaaayyyh. Hilarious.
So, that is my success story. He got off. I did not. But never mind. We broke a barrier. he now wants to do it again. If we do, that will be the 5th time in 10 years, and 2nd time this year. What next? I really need to improve his technique. Please share your success stories - evidence. not suggestions. How have you restarted your love life? what approaches do you take? where do you look to for advice? how is it different? what do you compromise on? what do you take on as your part in the whole sorry business?
love to hear from you
18 yrs and hoping for 36
So here is my story, to get us started. I've been married 18 years. The first 5 were fantastic on the intimacy scene. then a series of stressful things happened - a very bad job for me, a promotion for my husband that made his job very busy, a death, a fight with my mother-in-law that caused a bad riff between us. it is not surprising that a bit of distance developed, but then we really never recovered. (my mother and law and I did recover after about 3 yrs - it is all okay now)
Fast forward, 10 years after all that happened. How did we get here? I think he has become convinced that it is my fault - but mostly I find that his timing stinks. I find he never has time. So, (1) I decided I can't take this lack of love life. (2) I have read every blog I can find (we tried counselling and it failed miserably. Neither he nor the counsellor wanted to talk about sex and he thought the whole thing was a huge waste of time). (3) I have been talking it up like fury. "Remember when..." "I sure do miss...." etc. It took quite a while for this to make an impression - I think he was quite skeptical that I was serious.
okay, so that prepared us. Now is just the shaky step to actual action. bodies are not what they used to be, so I bought some lube. (Boy was that embarassing, but actually, they were really, really nice at the sex store). I insisted on meeting him on a business trip (good to be away). Unfortunately he insisted on going out for dinner, even though I had said quite a number of times that I thought it would be good to order dinner in - treat ourselves (wink, wink, nudge-nudge). When we got to the room, finally, at 8:30, he wanted to read the paper. Okay. whatever (really, some people are so dense!). Finally I presented the lube, which surprised him quite a bit! And we sort of went at it. It was awful. Ironically, a couple in the next door room had a very successful romp just at the moment things should have been good for us. You know, ooo-ooo-aah-aaa, thump, thump, groan, oh-oh-aaaayyyh. Hilarious.
So, that is my success story. He got off. I did not. But never mind. We broke a barrier. he now wants to do it again. If we do, that will be the 5th time in 10 years, and 2nd time this year. What next? I really need to improve his technique. Please share your success stories - evidence. not suggestions. How have you restarted your love life? what approaches do you take? where do you look to for advice? how is it different? what do you compromise on? what do you take on as your part in the whole sorry business?
love to hear from you
18 yrs and hoping for 36