Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-04-2011, 10:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

I got called a prude today, by a relative who lets her hubby go to strip joints. Apparently, I'm a prude because I'm not comfortable with my husband going to these clubs

I'm just curious as to how you guys out there feel about it. Are you cool with your spouse visiting these joints? Does he go by himself or with you? Do you feel that this adds to your sex life or is it purely for entertainment?

Thanks!

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Old 04-04-2011, 11:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

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I got called a prude today, by a relative who lets her hubby go to strip joints. Apparently, I'm a prude because I'm not comfortable with him going to these clubs

I'm just curious as to how you guys out there feel about it. Are you cool with your spouse visiting these joints? Does he go by himself or with you? Do you feel that this adds to your sex life or is it purely for entertainment?
I would NEVER call anyone a prude for not allowing their husbands to go to a Strip Club. Oh my NO, that is VERY RUDE. I would guess over 90% of wives would be against this & feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons that are legitimate and/or belief based.

I look at myself as much more "open" than many wives would be in this area (right now) probably because of 3 things....

1) My recent mid life crisis (which was all sexual in nature) brought great interest & intrege to seeing & checking out things we never did in our youth.

2 Husband has NEVER experienced a Strip Club, our 1st time going was 2 yrs ago, we had been married 19 yrs-he was 45. His flavor of porn has always been women dancing & poles. After I had a night out with the girls to see the Chippendales , I seen no reason I should deprive him of this experience when a friend asked us to go.

I ALWAYS go with my husband, he wants me too, and said he would not go without me. I found I enjoyed watching the dance moves, checking out their outfits, and when they give a bachelor his turn in the chair , it is a HOOT ! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. The Club we go to is one of the nicest ones in the state, no touching, grinding, rules are carefully followed & enforced. They encourage married couples to go together, we are not the only ones.

3) I feel I can do this easily -because of the way my husbans IS, how he has always treated me, and our comfortableness in all sexual things. If he had an addicting personality, if he was a major flirt, if he had been unfaithful in the past, if we were having any marital problems, if our sex life was lacking, I can say with honesty - I would NOT sit well with him going.

It is definitely entertainment and we have had FUN. We have made a few friends there, a single friend is going out with one of the girls, last we spoke. It's been interesting, but I know this is a phase, and it will pass, we havent been there in 6 months now. Might go back, might not.

The 1st 2 times we went, he was REALLY aroused when we got home. For me, this was HEAVEN as I had the much higher sex drive at the time, I told him if this is how he is going to be when he gets home, we can go every week! After the 3rd trip, the allure wore off. I would say it HAS enhanced our experience.
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

Before I met my husband, I was never an adventurous woman.

Then I got married to my Canadian husband, he and I both started exploring this side of human life.

At the beginning of our relationship, we went to a lot of bars and clubs.

I remember going to this club, they give you a girl to spend time with you. My husband had a girl(me), we didn't want a girl. But they insisted giving us a girl, it is their policy, we had to pay the same amount. So we just had the girl sitting across from us and I asked her some questions about her life.

When we go traveling, something we must do is to check out the sex clubs the city has. We went a strip club in Macau, we actually watched live sex. We went to a strip club in Vancouver, a few of the girls have nice bodies, but more than half of them have unflattering bodies, I don't know why they work there. My husband wanted me to have the prettiest girl dance for me, I declined, I did give her good tip while she was dancing for everybody. We also went to a club for homosexual people, it was for my benefit, I told my husband I wanted to watch male dancers, and I got what I wanted, it was a great show. I can still remember vividly the male dancer's hard toy!

It is a lot of fun. But for a married couple, if they want to explore this kind of excitement, they'd better go together. It is never a good idea to let your partner search this kind of thing alone.

We do this because we are curious, and to understand more about people. We don't get excited or horny by going to this kind of places!

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Old 04-04-2011, 11:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

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I ALWAYS go with my husband, he wants me too, and said he would not go without me.
My husband is the same, he won't go to this kind of places without me. If I don't want to go, he doesn't want to go there either!

But I want to go! Maybe even more curious than him!
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Old 04-05-2011, 12:03 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I feel I can do this easily -because of the way my husband how he has always treated me, and our comfortableness in all sexual things. If he had an addicting personality, if he was a major flirt, if he had been unfaithful in the past, if we were having any marital problems, if our sex life was lacking, I can say with honesty - I would NOT sit well with him going.
I think it is the same reason why I am so comfortable with my husband! He has never made me feel insecure in our relationship. He respects me, loves me, and cares for me.

My love for him just flows out naturally, and I love exploring all his fantasies with him together. I benefit from doing all these things too!
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Old 04-05-2011, 12:56 AM   #6 (permalink)
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No I'm not cool with it at all. Luckily before I'd even shared my views on the sex industry with him he told me that he had not been to one for over 10 years (or something like that).

I had seen strippers and been to a strip club when I was much younger. However I know that I felt very uncomfortable with it and did not like it.

It is not conducive to my values. I do not support the sex industry. I do not believe in commodifying people.

I don't think it enhances relationships and that bringing other people into your sex life is ever a good thing.

I also read a study on the way strippers were treated and how they were conditioned to view a certain amount of ill behaviour as the norm and not bad, so when asked if they were treated well they often answered yes despite bad treatement in the work place and by customers. I think it was deemed Ok to treat them as such because they became a product. This makes me feel awful because they are people.

I also view myself to be very open minded sexually, just that my open mindedness is about me and how to enhance the sex life I have exclusively with my fiance. I do not think that if you do not use other people that makes you closed minded, perhaps just more aware of other issues, and able to focus on what feels good to you instead of what society tells you is good or sexy.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I also read a study on the way strippers were treated and how they were conditioned to view a certain amount of ill behaviour as the norm and not bad, so when asked if they were treated well they often answered yes despite bad treatement in the work place and by customers. I think it was deemed Ok to treat them as such because they became a product. This makes me feel awful because they are people.
I don't doubt these things at all , so when a good man comes in, a family man, whose brings his wife, who smiles & treats her with respect in her job, not speaking down to her, asking about her life goals, seeing her open up & feel this respect, talking about her college education, where she is planning to move, about her boyfriend, THIS brightens her nights amidst some of the more unruly males in the house. They apprecaite such customers, they LOOK for them!

My husband was TRUSTED enough with his favorite dancer - SHE offered her real name to him so he could connect on Facebook with her. This is not something you offer to someone who disrespects you. And I know she is not after my husband. He got special treatment because of how WE treated her.

Yes, I believe this is more RARE than the norm, but if you have chosen such a profession, I can only assume it brightens the night to have such male customers come in from time to time. She gave him ROYAL treatment every visit upon meeting him/us, even when the place was packed, she made sure he got his dance when he wanted it & he was far from a big spender. 1 lap dance each visit was our rule.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

Thank you for all your responses. It is very enlightening to hear the open communication that you and your husbands share . Not many have that these days
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

My wife and I go together, roughly once a month. We found a strip club that we both like. Several of the dancers (particularly our favorites) recognize us, and will sit down and chit-chat with us with no expectation of tips, drinks or dances. One is comfortable enough with us that, around Halloween, she told us where she was taking her niece trick or treating. One that we were talking to last time told us she was married...that she doesn't tell customers about that normally.

The atmosphere is nice...not your stereotypical strip club. Very dancer- and couple-friendly. In fact, we normally go on Saturday nights for their "date night" promotion in which there's no cover charge for couples before 9. I think the big difference is that the owner is a woman.

I've been to others in the past; enjoyed some, not others. (MIL is a "house mom" at one that I don't like.)

If we no longer both enjoy going, we'll stop going. But, if it's any indication, my wife has been talking about us getting a VIP membership later this year.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

I've never gone by myself.

But my husband and I have gone together.

I have no issues with it and I don't get intimidated by him oogling the gals.

The last time we went (last year), I bought him a lap dance (solo) and he didn't want to participate. It was funny, I thought he would jump at the fact that he got a lap dance.

Once we get things straight in our home (with us), we'll probably go again, it turns me on to watch him get turned on.

We're strange folks...but that's okay, we like it!
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
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it turns me on to watch him get turned on.

We're strange folks...but that's okay, we like it!
Couldn't agree with this more ! I will try to explain here how I FELT the very 1st time my husband wanted to go back for a lap dance...

That 1st night I watched my decently quiet shy husband all smiley, opening up talking to this dancing beauty that approched him, and his asking me if it was Ok to go back & have a Lap dance. My initial thought was "Oh my God, my husband wants to see another woman naked, how can this be!" Immediately these feelings started rising up within me, stirring me, I realized this was "jealousy" but crazy as it sounds, I LIKED IT ! It made me WANT HIM MORE somehow, I wanted to take claim of him as my own, take possession of him somehow, -and I did just that -later that night!

My husband has never done anything in the last 28 yrs of our life together to make me jealous. I mean NOTHING, he has always been the ever loving doting puppy dog. I think he has waited too long! It literally turned me ON . For us, the experience was all good, I liked feeling that way and seeing him open up & get bubbly with these women. He is not a man who gets much attention or creates much. BUt these nights, he enjoys alot. And I love seeing him happy.

I guess I LIKE having my jealousy stirred just a little.

I know it is harmless.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I hear ya, SA. Truth told, my wife has gotten more lap dances than I have at this point. And, as you mentioned upthread, our favorite goes out of her way to greet us when she sees us, make sure we get the dance(e) we want, and that we have a good time. One night, she turned down several requests from people for dances because she wasn't feeling well...was going to go home and crawl into bed after cycling through the stages since she'd already committed to doing so. However, when she saw we were there, she stuck around long enough to say, "Hi" and dance for us because she knew us. Like you guys, we're not big spenders when we go. But we aren't jerks, either.

Granted, everyone's different, but if what she told us one night is indicative of a fair percentage of dancers, she likes seeing familiar faces in the audience. Makes her a bit more comfortable. And we've had great conversations, ranging from general topics to some of the funnier aspects of the job that we hadn't considered.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

OMG SimplyAmorous! That is exactly how I feel.

I agree with both you and MarriedWifeInLove that it turns me on to watch him get turned on and that is why I am curious about venturing to a strip club.

Too many times in the past, we've done certain things because it turns me on to watch him get turned on and we have a wonderful time doing this, but after, I've always felt like I'm wrong for feeling this way.
I've heard that using porn in a relationship will get him addicted and on the road to adultery, "because if he finds these women attractive, it's sin in his heart."

I always wrestle with this after and it hurts the experience.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:33 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I hear ya, SA. Truth told, my wife has gotten more lap dances than I have at this point.
I have no desire to do this. But I notice women go back all the time. Where we go, a woman is allowed to go back free with their men & watch. I never wanted to watch my husband's dance. But I did once go back & watch a male friend get his, just for curiosity's sake, it was nice to see what happens behind the scenes. BUt seriosuly, women are not my thing. Only guys do it for me! I have more fun just watching how these guys react & their faces near the stage, it is always so obvious when some young ones come in for the 1st time, they are so excited, almost falling over themselves with their eyes popping out of thier heads.

Men are so serioulsy CALM in comparison to the crazy antics of the screaming women at the Chippendales outing I went too though. Women go nuts! much MORE excitable than men in comparison.
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do you visit strip clubs with your spouse?

SA, sounds more like he's gotten what our club refers to as a private dance as opposed to a lap dance/table dance. The standard-fare lap dances at the places I've been are at the table as opposed to a private/semi-private room. We've not done that...yet. ;-)

My wife admits to a bit of bi-curiosity, but has decided that going to enjoy the strip club, lap dances and the like with me is as far as she plans to satisfy that curiosity. So, just like it's a turn on for you to see your husband enjoy the scenery, so is it a turn on for both of us to see one another enjoying it. But, at the end o the day, it's all just in fun.
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