Tool: Looks like sort of missed the point. Would you want to have sex with your wife if she gained 50lbs is depressed, stopped brushing her teeth and taking care of other basic hygeine issues?
To OP: There are free couseling options in just about any city. You just need to look a little harder. I'd suggest even if your husband doesent want to go that you avail yourself of these services. They may help you help him.
About 3 years ago my wife very directly told me that the reason she did not want to have sex with me was that I had gotten fat. My being fat also led me to be a bit depressed and I withdrew from life quite a bit. All a big turn off for a woman. She said flat out that she would not stay married to me if I did not care about how this was affecting OUR LIVES. She made me understand that I was harming our marriagen, in a very selfish way, by not being the active/athletic person that she married. We had stopped doing all the fun things that we both loved but I was either too out of shape to do or to embarrased to do. It was like a slap in the face........And I thank the stars that she did it. We got into counseling,straightend some things out and I got off my butt. We saved our marriage and she saved my life.
I give my example because (forgive me my fellow men) ...........sometimes we need a very direct approach to "get it". Oh and your H is trying to have a pity party with the "I cant be with someone who does not respect me" crap. How the hell can he be with himself then. Sounds to me that the one that disrespects him the most is himself.
I think you just need to grab him by the shoulders,look into his eyes,and tell him Time to get ourselves some help bubba. Then tell him how excited you are to get the process started to get your man back. I think he may just thank you sooner that later.