If I were him - THIS would work with me:
Wife: Husband, it is not healthy for our marriage to fight about sex. I want to work towards a compromise that we can both feel ok about.
First let me start with the most important stuff.
- We both know I want sex less often than you do. This is normal in most marriages and is amplified by the ages of our children and the demands they place on me.
- The good news: I love you enough to be willing to have sex with you, even when I am not in the mood.
- The bad news: I am beginning to resent the fact that you don't realize how much effort it takes to have sex when you really don't want to. Trust me, I feel as bad when you insist, as you do when I reject.
I want us to agree on a schedule that we both promise to stick to as a show of love and commitment for each other. Before we do that I need to know something. Are you willing to make the effort to do some things that will give me more sleep AND more "down time" while I am awake?
Husband: Like what
Wife: X nights a week I want you to take care of the kids for Y hours when you get home. On weekend nights - if they cry I want you to get them. On at least one weekend morning I want you to get up with them.
If that is agreeable I am totally on board with having sex M nights a week. You get to pick 2 of them and I get to pick M-2 of them.
With that said - BE FAIR. What I mean by that is simple. Kids nap. Front packs allow you to clean up the house with a baby safely in your pouch. Don't start piling house work on a man who is already working a long day job. I have worked a hard job and I have done the house husband thing. If you treat the housework like a job and are clever about how you manage the kids and the house, you can create a situation where when he gets home he can focus on the kids, and you can have a real break.
As for the "nuclear option" which is getting angry and shutting sex down. Some guys will quietly tolerate it. Others will have an affair. And others will check out emotionally and then end the marriage.
In addition to the stuff above - and in a separate conversation - you will help the marriage by having an honest conversation with him about what he does that turns you on, and turns you off. And that needs to be stuff that happens inside and outside the bedroom. Whatever it is, be tactful but honest about it.
For example: Darling, it really doesn't help our sex life when you fart at the dinner table. Or, I love you touching me when your finger nails are short and your hands are clean. Or - when you come home in a bad mood - or don't act happy to see me when you walk in the door it does not set a good tone for a romantic night. Or - when you get angry at a 2 year old for normal 2 year old behavior - I resent you - and resentment spills onto the mattress.....
Her husband's not lucky he is stupid and self-centered. His gravy train is about to come to a screeching halt because he is greedy and does not appreciate what he has. Any man who ask an exhausted wife to sacrifice to service him is a fool. How long does he think it will take for his exhausted wife and mother to his two small children to wake's up and realizes that she is doing the heavy lifting and she decides to resign as a servant to his penis and just take care of the kids. It happens to many men who make the same mistake in the early years.
Your husband seems to think that a wife should service her husband sexually, what do you think? I think that a man who has a wife with two very small children should be sacrificing for her by caring for her and helping her take care of her and their children.
That's what a mature man who can see past him self would do. It sounds like your husband does not appreciate you or what you are doing for him. He takes you for granted because you let him. What is HE doing in the way of sacrifices? Are you the only one doing all of the giving - you gave the two kids, you are mainly responsible for that exhausting task, up at not sleep deprived, is your husband has exhausted as you? You should be sharing the load, with your husband so that you are not so sleep deprived.
Demands for sex and sacrifice is ridiculous from a wife and the mother of his two kids id disgusting really. He sounds like a selfish teenage boy not a man. Stop acting like a victim and tell your husband he will needs to make sacrifices, too. You made yours by having two kids in short order and you are being a good mother to them. What is he doing besides demanding his wife service him. Tell him that of all of the things you both need to do to keep up with your responsibilities, his penis is not the most important.
You sound as if you are trying very hard to make everyone happy and running yourself into the ground. You are living through a very difficult period in your married life, having kids changes things drastically for women. Some men don't want to mature and step up to the plate and be a father of two kids and the husband of a very exhausted wife. If this is your husband then you have to tell him what you need for him to do.
Right now you are doing anything he wants without regard to you justified anger and resentment. Marriage is both tacking care of each other, he takes care of you as best he can and you do the same. Expecting sex everyday and bj is pure selfishness he doing that because you let him.
It is vital that you sit with your husband and decide a frequency that you can manage for now along with every thing else. Many selfish men don't realize that by being selfish and demanding sexually may work for a short time in the honey moon period the first 2 - 4 yrs of marriage.
You want to please him but if he is taking too much and giving nothing back then you will run out of steam and stop wanting to please him. If he keeps this up you will begin to ignore his needs the way he is ignoring yours. That's why it is vital to stop because when you shut down on a sexually it is hard to start back up.
It is up to you to set boundaries, you know how you feel and you don't want to get to the point that you avoid having sex with him. that is where you are headed now. You have to set the boundaries or you are going to shut him out sexually if you build up enough anger and resentment.