Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
i'd like opinions from both men and women. I'm curious (a) if you masturbate alone (as opposed to while you are having sex with your spouse) and (b) does your spouse know about it?
the issue isn't substituting masturbation for sex and then having less of an interest in sex. the reason I ask is that like many guys i'm not happy with my sex life. my wife and i have sex once a month and i masturbate about 5 times a week. when we were having sex a couple of times a week i had no urge to take matters into my own hands (so to speak).
i've had the "not enough sex" talk with my wife but i've never mentioned that i masturbate for the simple reason that i think she would look at it as an acceptable substitution for sex with her rather that a sign of frustration (meaning she would tell me to keep masturbating and not bother her for sex).
When I was with my stbx-wife, I was like you... If I wasn't getting sex regularly, I'd masturbate on a frequent basis. Daily was not out of the question. I think she would suspect I was doing this, but it was never really any clear discussion on it.
With my current partner though, my urge to masturbate has diminished appreciably. We're currently a 4 to 7 times a week couple, and I have pretty much zero urge to fill my boots on the "off" days. Oddly enough, she came from a similar relationship, and is in a similar place as me with regards to current masturbatory habits. Both of us are very comfortable discussing anything sexually, including our DIY activities.
When I was only having sex once every 2 months yes I masturbated and yes he knew about it. Not intricate details but I did let him know on a couple of occasions that I was taking care of myself.
These days I'm having sex 3-4 times a week (and climbing) and the desire to masturbate has decreased. Its usually when he's out of town or otherwise unavailable. I prefer to be with him.
I recently told my stbx how often I have during our marriage because she didn't want to have sex more than once a week at most.
She seemed surprised, my advice is to be open about it. Like everything else in a marriage, the more you keep to yourself the worse it is for the marriage.
Married over 20 years...have always masturbated secretly 2 or 3 times a week. UNTIL just recently! After she caught me -- and LOVED it! -- I admitted that I do it to relieve my sexual tension.
She was FINE with it...and, now enjoys watching occasionally. And, by the way...it's AWESOME when she watches.
Yes, masturbate alone. Frequency depends on how much temptation I can withstand.
Hubby probably doesn't know, but not because I wouldn't tell him if he asked. I don't bring it up because he would see it as an attack against him.
I can't bring up how dissatisfied I am with the infrequency of our sex life because he thinks I'm being critical. He refuses to talk about it anymore and any attempt by me makes him angry. He insists this is just the way he is and he can't change.
So I don't talk about self pleasure to him either. If I was getting more sex from him, I wouldn't feel the need to masturbate.
Frequency here is about once every 7 - 10 days.
My H and I have sex every other month or so. so thats what 6 times a year! My H knows that I do, i bought a toy and showed it to him. I dont think he knows how much i do it tho. Every other day to twice a week. If i were getting more sex from my h i wouldn't need to. My h and i have used the toy together, 3 times since i got it.
i'd like opinions from both men and women. I'm curious (a) if you masturbate alone (as opposed to while you are having sex with your spouse) and (b) does your spouse know about it?
Because me & my husband DIDN'T talk about any of this (too taboo for many years in our marraige) - we pretty much missed each other , and this was a shame.
3 yrs ago, we started the sex dialog with each other -due to MY increase in drive, I wanted more sex & I had many questions we never talked about. I learned he never masterbated -except for 1 time to exhaust his sperm count in the am to try & conceive a daughter that night (it was planned) -words of advice from a male co-worker. Funny thing- WE did conceive our only daughter that night! Had I not been asking these questions, I would have never known this.
Anyway, he felt masterbating was a form of Cheating (his words) and that it was MY job to take care of him, which I wasn't doing so wonderfully -but I had little idea he was "suffering" cause he was so backwards about it. Looking back I could KICK him for this! And there I was, feeling he wanted his sleep more than ME when I got antsy in the middle of the night & wanted him- half the time I woke him up, half the time I took matters into my own hands.
If he would have acted like an animal badly in need of sex all of the time, I would ALWAYS woke him up, I remembering questioning HIS sex drive! So we missed each other! He was shocked I did that and I felt he was foolish for not bothering me more -when he was wanting it so bad !
I was surprised he never masterbated, but I believe what he said because it accually angered me at the time, he had no reason to lie to me. It was not the answer I wanted to hear at all. It confirmed to me his sex drive is "lower' than most men, the fact he was "able" to do this -only getting it about once a week. Though before we married, he masterbated up to 3 times a day.
Now neither of us masterbate, but take full care of the others desires, as it should have been all along.
Anyway, he felt masterbating was a form of Cheating (his words) and that it was MY job to take care of him,
I agree! When the other one is all available there.
I know that my husband masturbated before we got married. Two weeks ago I asked him if he masturbated after we got married, he said "probably", I knew that means "yes". I was disappointed. He told me it was long time ago, but it still didn't make me feel good. I said "I was all there for you, why did you need to masturbate?" He said he was bored! I said that's doing things secretly behind me, not good for our trust for each other, and he totally agrees.
I remember long time ago he told me he didn't masturbate anymore. He only does it when I get him horny during my period, and he does it in front of me.
I told him not to do it anymore. I said: You take away my joy by masturbating. You know how much I love it when you are on top me doing me hard. He said: Don't worry, that happened five years ago. I take his word.
Now if he gets good sleep, he wants to cum every day. I love it!
I don't masturbate anymore now I have my husband. I can cum easily masturbating, but I prefer my husband's toy. The feeling from intercourse is totally different from masturbation. Intercourse brings emotional satisfaction and orgasms, masturbation only achieves orgasms.
We masturbated in front of each other, that was only for fun!
i'd like opinions from both men and women. I'm curious (a) if you masturbate alone (as opposed to while you are having sex with your spouse) and (b) does your spouse know about it?
the issue isn't substituting masturbation for sex and then having less of an interest in sex. the reason I ask is that like many guys i'm not happy with my sex life. my wife and i have sex once a month and i masturbate about 5 times a week. when we were having sex a couple of times a week i had no urge to take matters into my own hands (so to speak).
i've had the "not enough sex" talk with my wife but i've never mentioned that i masturbate for the simple reason that i think she would look at it as an acceptable substitution for sex with her rather that a sign of frustration (meaning she would tell me to keep masturbating and not bother her for sex).
so, do you masturbate and does your spouse know?
Yes and yes...and so does she. We agree that it will never be an acceptable substitution for sex...it has to be in addition to sex.
masturbation and spouse 
