Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years. I've reached out for help before and I'm asking again. I have trouble with him because normally all he wants is for me to watch him or help him masturbate. We have gone through therapy and he felt it was a result of him doing that with porn on a Near daily frequency. He says he's stopped that now but who knows. All I know is that I woke him up 2 weeks ago by just rubbing his back. In about a minute he turned over and was already "done". He said that he couldn't help it.. The back rubbing turned him on. Seriously!
The most recent occurrence this weekend he acted like he deserved a medal because he actually had physical sex with me. It was over in about 30 seconds. I'm so annoyed with him for various other relationship issues.. I was actually happy it was over. He also is on a very strict diet. He's skin and bones and his breathe smells! He brushes his teeth but it's just awful. I'm guessing it's from ketosis. (weight loss).
I just am at a loss on how to get motivated to even WANT to be with him. I'm starting to think it's best if we just live together for the kids. He says that I got him hooked on porn months ago... Because my discussing our sexual problems caused him to feel inferior in bed. So I surely can't tell him again and add the bad breathe problem!
I'm stuck. And not happy about it. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm not real sure why you would even want to WANT him. I have read some of your other threads, and can't for the life of me figure out why someone would still want to be with someone who doesn't treat them well.
I like how he blames you for turning him on to porn all because you were trying to discuss your sexual problems, and he felt inferior.
If thats his excuse, you should have a ton of excuses yourself.
Well I had this thought last night that maybe I could get him back into counseling. But your comments in this thread are very dead on.
Why bother? Well because I can't even imagine being divorced but I guess I've got to get over it. Part of me wonders if it is ME but I can tell you I still want sex. Just not with him. I seriously cover up when I'm around him.
Our master bath is built with the ability to see into the shower clearly. He comes by to "enjoy the view". But it's always "hey it looks like you might have lost some weight" or glad to see you took my advice on working those triceps. I just want to cringe. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. But these things make me feel so awkward. Especially since hd often tells me unsolicited if I look fat in something. I'm 5'9 and 131 pounds. I work out daily.
Ugh. This is hard.
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Originally Posted by magnoliagal
So in addition to being abusive to your son he's a lousy lay too? Girl why are you still with this man?
Our master bath is built with the ability to see into the shower clearly. He comes by to "enjoy the view". But it's always "hey it looks like you might have lost some weight" or glad to see you took my advice on working those triceps. I just want to cringe. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. But these things make me feel so awkward. Especially since hd often tells me unsolicited if I look fat in something. I'm 5'9 and 131 pounds. I work out daily.
Good lord he's an ass. You are thin and he's got the gall to be critical. Do you know how many men would kill to be with woman with a killer body like yours?
You really think that's mean behavior? He's the only man I've ever lived with so I just thought this kind of behavior was typical. But I will admit I hate the invasion of privacy. For awhile ... Last year.. I would have to race through the shower because he'd just jump in and ask me to "help him" get showered.
I hated that and thank God that has stopped.
UOTE=magnoliagal;310723]Good lord he's an ass. You are thin and he's got the gall to be critical. Do you know how many men would kill to be with woman with a killer body like yours?
You deserve better.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
You really think that's mean behavior? He's the only man I've ever lived with so I just thought this kind of behavior was typical. But I will admit I hate the invasion of privacy. For awhile ... Last year.. I would have to race through the shower because he'd just jump in and ask me to "help him" get showered.
I hated that and thank God that has stopped.
No, that is not typical or even acceptable. I am a man in my late 40's, my wife is about the same age. She is 5'3" and about 120 lbs. She is friggin' HOT HOT HOT! I tell her all the time. She also works out and eats sensibly, but not crazy diet stupid.
I would never tell her that she looks "fat" in anything. I may (if asked) tell her that a particular item does not flatter her ( I'm no dummy!).
I also want to be with her naked as often as possible and not for a hand job.
Your husband is an *******.
We aren't all complete pigs.
Ok it's like that gut feeling you had when he got in your son's face. If you have to race through a shower in your own home for fear of him invading your space. That's ABUSE! He has no respect for you or your son. And absolutely it's NOT normal.
Well thank you for that perspective. Most who know my husband would probably be shocked at these statements.
My husband (since therapy) will also tell me when he thinks I look hot. But as you can probably tell the way he goes about it.. Is hurtful. "wow you look like you might have lost a little weight". I can hear him arguing that he was complimenting me! You see why I feel so confused? Sure I can see his point but it is a constant implication that I still need work.
Usually I will get compliments when I wear something he picked out. And he has a problem if my underwear and bra don't match. He wants them to be the same color or "it bothers him". This isn't just in bed.. But daily.
Is that typical? Thanks for telling me this stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanF
No, that is not typical or even acceptable. I am a man in my late 40's, my wife is about the same age. She is 5'3" and about 120 lbs. She is friggin' HOT HOT HOT! I tell her all the time. She also works out and eats sensibly, but not crazy diet stupid.
I would never tell her that she looks "fat" in anything. I may (if asked) tell her that a particular item does not flatter her ( I'm no dummy!).
I also want to be with her naked as often as possible and not for a hand job.
Your husband is an *******.
We aren't all complete pigs.
Ok here's another way to look at it. How would YOU treat someone else? Would you do this to another person? Or what if a friend said her husband was doing this stuff to her what would you say?
I've been in an abusive relationship before and like you was shocked to find out that things I thought were normal were not. Being told your choice of underwear "bothers him" and only getting compliments when you wear something HE chose is controlling behavior and it's not okay. The red flag for me is how he's treating your son. I suspect it goes to you as well it just takes a different form. My guess is if you stood up to him you would see the same wrath he shows your son. So far he's fine because you tip toe around and you know how to keep him placated. You walk on eggshells.
No I see what your saying. I wonder what I could do to "test him" so I could see it with my own eyes. I've Been so beaten down I suppose that I question every single thing and I honestly can't judge when I am voicing normal concern or if I'm just being picky.
For example, we work together. He tries to tell me what to do all the time and I typically just try to ignore him and listen to whatever I NEED to
So what could I do to get this fully exposed for myself?
UOTE=magnoliagal;310803]Ok here's another way to look at it. How would YOU treat someone else? Would you do this to another person? Or what if a friend said her husband was doing this stuff to her what would you say?
I've been in an abusive relationship before and like you was shocked to find out that things I thought were normal were not. Being told your choice of underwear "bothers him" and only getting compliments when you wear something HE chose is controlling behavior and it's not okay. The red flag for me is how he's treating your son. I suspect it goes to you as well it just takes a different form. My guess is if you stood up to him you would see the same wrath he shows your son. So far he's fine because you tip toe around and you know how to keep him placated. You walk on eggshells.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
Usually I will get compliments when I wear something he picked out. And he has a problem if my underwear and bra don't match. He wants them to be the same color or "it bothers him". This isn't just in bed.. But daily.
Is that typical? Thanks for telling me this stuff.
Posted via Mobile Device
Well, I may be a little guilty of something similar to that. I think my wife has a great figure and I like to see it when she's dressed. But I hate seeing "granny panty" lines. I will tell her, "Please don't wear those panties. I can see the lines and I don't think it's attractive." I don't like to see panty lines on any woman.
Whether her bra and panties match? That is of no concern to me.
Oh of course I wouldn't wear granny panties. . Def not!
Here's an interesting twist to all of this. He is on a severe diet. I have paid for him to go to a trainer and food coach because he looks worrisome. He's 6'3. And is weighing 158 today he says... He is doing nearly an hour of exercise a day. I think this is because of his self esteem issues... Which connect back to the bedroom too.
I don't know what to do. I've stopped commenting now. My therapist said just stop. No compliments. No nothing. Today he told me 2 co workers told him he looks like a 12 year old boy. He asked me if that was true? I said well no one should say that... But you definitely are thin. He said well good. I'm glad people are noticing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanF
Well, I may be a little guilty of something similar to that. I think my wife has a great figure and I like to see it when she's dressed. But I hate seeing "granny panty" lines. I will tell her, "Please don't wear those panties. I can see the lines and I don't think it's attractive." I don't like to see panty lines on any woman.
Whether her bra and panties match? That is of no concern to me.
He is projecting his self esteem issues off onto you. Now you just need to decide if you can put up with that. Sometimes even if you know where someone elses behavior stems from, still doesn't make it right or make the things they do and say hurt less.
He is projecting his self esteem issues off onto you. Now you just need to decide if you can put up with that. Sometimes even if you know where someone elses behavior stems from, still doesn't make it right or make the things they do and say hurt less.
Husband and sex problem 
. Def not! 
