Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend
My husband and I have been married for 18 years since we were both 20. He has always wanted to include very adventurous or dirty sexual things, watching porn together (sometimes quite extreme like blasphemous or vampire), going to strip clubs, threesomes or affairs w/friends, etc. Some of it I would consider somewhat "normal" just definitely more on the adventurous side, others of it I am not comfortable with anymore (or possibly never was, but only recently have spoken up about it). He at first said he was a typical male who needs porn and masturbation and vivid images, but eventually decided that he could give up the porn as long as I replaced it with my own hotness, frequent hot sex with him, etc. He says he hasn't looked at it or masturbated at all in a couple weeks, but that he is keeping it just in case because if I don't provide him with what a wife should then he will have to resort to it. I told his this sounded kinda hurtful and like blackmail, but he insists it's just what all males need. Then a few days later, he decided to ask me to stop seeing a guy who we mutually agreed I could see (with the condition that he would know what was going on, I would tell him stories which he found a turn on etc). Recently I have not been feeling like telling him much, either because I come home late and tired, or he is asleep and the next day I'm no longer in the mood, or sometimes I just want to keep it to myself and not turn our good time (w/the other guy) into something that he is unaware of (he knows that my husband knows, but doesn't know he gets off on it). I said I wasn't sure I was prepared to let him go just like that, and it felt a little like his porn issue- if this is something I just need or want to continue I'm not sure I can just get rid of it just like that simply because now he is uncomfortable with it. What do you think? Men, women? I need feedback.
Re: husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend
This just sounds so wrong on so many points. But if it's what you're used to, then ok. Keeping (up with) porn as "what men do" and is "keeping it just in case" (of what??) is BS. I have no need for porn to get off. I do have porn and my GF knows it and we watch it together. She also knows I masturbate (to it) sometimes. She does too. But it's NOT a requirement for either of us. We're happy with each other, whatever the frequency of sex is (and it's high). For us, phone sex is good, too...sometimes she's horny and I'm out of town (or vice versa). I think your man is an idiot. But that's only my opinion. And I think you should not be giving in to him. Men are visual (hence the porn) and women are emotional (thus taking a longer warm up for sex). That's just the way it is. Work from that basis and get back to each other.
Re: husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend
I think you both have issues that went out of control and unless you reign them in soon both of you are going to get hurt. He wants to keep his porn just incase and you want to keep your boy toy just incase. If both of you put all that energy into the relationship then you'd both be happy.
Re: husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend
Quote:
Originally Posted by draconis
I think you both have issues that went out of control and unless you reign them in soon both of you are going to get hurt.
draconis
married18yrs-
It sounds like your hubby is tired of the "high life", and wants to inch towards a more wholesome "normal" marriage. Of course he can't get there in one single step, so giving him the benefit of the doubt, I could understand his reluctance to throw out the porn just yet.
So this sounds quite promising to me, on the face of it, from what little you have written.
Two questions:
How often have you been having sex with him recently?
Does he have a g/f?
Re: husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend
My advice: start searching for another guy, who does not ask you to do all those crazy unacceptable things turning you into freak. Search for a regular guy who would enjoy normal simple stuff. And after you have found him, dump your husband. Woman, you gotta take care of yourself.
husband won't give up porn but wants me to give up boyfriend 
