Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband makes references to porn and I have been thinking know this is somthing I think would spice things up. Up till now i have been very hesitant to do this even though i consider myself very liberated on many levels.
My dirtly little secret is that i used to watch cable stuff years ago and it would get me hot. Sometimes i got myself off durring or after watching it. On some level i think i felt bad about it. Over the past couple years I have learned to enjoy my vibrator (now i have 2) and i even had trouble admitting to my hubby that i really liked it (even though he purchased the second one) and i coyley resisted him using it on me even though he asked repeatedy. He wound up finding it out of the wrapper and pushed me repeadedly to admit that i had used it. I think this made me realize how inhibited i was even though i considered myself somewhat liberated.
I did some reasearch on porn, women etc. and have attached some posts on the topic that i found interesting/comforting. As i really wanted to "get over it" as i have been thinking that it could really be a turn on for both my hubby and i. First though i realized i have to learn to be "Ok with it" on my own. I read this is ''smart girls guide to porn" and it made sense.
I have looked online and realized some of the close-ups etc to be not enjoyable. I have also learned that there is allot out there that is geared to women/couples that is OK. I realized alot of my apprehension stemmed from this notion that i "should not" enjoy this sort of thing. I also realized that i was/am in fact wildly arroused by watching it. On one occasion my underwear could have practically been wrung out. The other thing i have noticed is that i find i am as aroused or more aroused the girl with girl scenes. Perhaps, this was part of my apprehension that it make me feel "out of controll" In other instances some of the scenes were a total turn off. Then i realized i could simply fast forward through what i don't like.
At this point i have not let my H know about my little experiment. the funny thing is I am sure he will not want to argue if i say. Hey honey you want to watch some porn together... I think on some level i am concerned about:
1)How i may stack up to the women on the screen. That is perhaps i will feel self-conscious about my body relative to those of the women on screen
2)How insanely aroused i may become.
3)Will he look at me differently if i admitt that I like the girl only stuff.
Any help from the ladies would be appriciative.
Regardless of how you feel about porn the attached links i found enlightening.
Please refrain from moral comments or comments about it being addictive....I am and adult and not concerned about it.
1)How i may stack up to the women on the screen. That is perhaps i will feel self-conscious about my body relative to those of the women on screen As a man let me tell you to totally forget about this worry.All women seem to have it regarding their men watching porn but I`ve never heard a man compare his wife to a porn star nor have I even done it, in bed or out of bed. The concern sounded strange to me when I first heard it even though in hindsight I can see how it is an obvious worry.
2)How insanely aroused i may become. Don`t know why this would be a worry.Insanely aroused is my prefered condition for my wife
3)Will he look at me differently if i admitt that I like the girl only stuff. The only problem I see with this (Unless he is homophobic at all) is that you let him know the porn is "just" fantasy for you. That you have no desire to bring any girl/girl scene to reality.Unless of course you do, that` s whole different ballgame but not necessarily bad.
By the way thanks for the links, my wife will appreciate them.
1)How i may stack up to the women on the screen. That is perhaps i will feel self-conscious about my body relative to those of the women on screen
I don't think your husband will compare you to the women on porn. My best advice for that will be to relax and enjoy the moment, think about the acts that they are performing and not really at the appearance of the person.
2)How insanely aroused i may become.
That happens to me even if I watch old 80s porn. There's something about watching people have sex that drives me crazy. I am sure your husband will not complain about having an insanely aroused wife.
3)Will he look at me differently if i admitt that I like the girl only stuff.
1)How i may stack up to the women on the screen. That is perhaps i will feel self-conscious about my body relative to those of the women on screen
2)How insanely aroused i may become.
3)Will he look at me differently if i admitt that I like the girl only stuff.
First I'll admit I suggested my H and I watch porn together as a stimulant. I'm trying to break down inhibitions between us. This doesn't mean I'm not hesitant about it and like most women, have physical insecurities too but here's my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
1) Confidence is sexy. This is key. Your H will no doubt be loving you getting freaky, not judging/comparing your body. And maybe this is a woman's answer but there's so many different types of physical beauty, who's to say one is 'better' than the other. I hope this is about you two having fun and connecting. When I watch porn solo, what turns me on isn't even something I'd necessarily want in reality. So there's that aspect too.
2) Make sure you have a baby sitter?
3) He might but imo wouldn't you want your H to really know you, your desires, and what turns you on? How would you feel if he admitted something that turned him on that you might not expect?
First of all, my hat is off to you for being secure enough on your relationship and your own sexuality to see porn for what it is: a sexy form of entertainment.
As to your questions/concerns:
1. Like others have said, I've never made such comparisons, and I'm unaware of any men who have a realistic view of porn who have done so, either. But then, despite my celebrity crush on her, I don't watch How I Met Your Mother, the American Pie movies or repeats of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and compare my wife to Alyson Hannigan, either. One's a harmless, unrealistic daydream, while the other is the woman who rocks my world.
2. So...porn having it's desired effect for the two of you would be a problem because...? ;-)
3. If he thinks any differently of you, I'd hope/predict it's in a positive way. My wife prefers all-girl porn as well. Granted, she's admitted to a touch of bi-curiosity, but, at the end of the day, she just finds the female form in its entirety to be more visually appealing than the male form.
So...have fun. Enjoy it. And, if it ends up being uncomfortable and you stop, then..well...there's nothing wrong with that, either. Posted via Mobile Device
MarriedWithKids1 - I didn't start watching porn till I was 42 yrs old, and for me & my husband -it has been a blessing. We never talked about sex, we never read about sex, we did it in the dark, under the covers , only 2 positions for over 19 yrs of our marraige, I used to think oral sex was "dirty", how could a guy want to do that! I was never comfortable going there on him. I REALLY had some mental hang ups about being a "good girL".
I associated much of what you see in porn as "too wild" for a conservative couple to engage in. What a waste of many good years of our marraige. Getting out some porn has spiced the living daylights out of me!! It was about time I learned some things! My husband never thought he would see such a day come. He is HAPPY to watch it with me.
As one time I used to tape scriptures on his desktop when I caught him looking at some "very soft" porn on the net. He always enjoyed Playboy women solo shots, still does. Always will.
If you are coming from a very moral or religious background, you are going to struggle with some "guilt" looking - no way to get around this, and if you share you like it, likely you will get some slack for that too. But hey, it is between you & your husband. No one else. Do what works for you. Many of us consider it a spicing. I like to watch senerios and act them out.
I used to be religious and much too prudest at one time, now I am on completely on the other side of this spectrum.
Inhibitions, I can't believe I used to be THAT woman, I have virutally none now, not with my husband.
If you have a gracious loving husband who always gives you lots of time, attention & lavishes the affection, this worry about being compared, this is a non-worry. He will be happy his wife is sexually open and adventurous- which causes many good things -like more creativity in the bedroom, more openness to share fantasies, all of it. What most men want ! Enjoy.
The other thing i have noticed is that i find i am as aroused or more aroused the girl with girl scenes.
That's actually pretty normal. There were some scientists who did a study of what type of porn women were aroused by (measuring arousal via genital blood flow). They found that most of the women were aroused by both males and females. The "strait" women were aroused by lesbian scenes and the "lesbian" women were aroused by scenes involving gay men. Basically, the women were all bisexual even if many of them didn't want to admit it. The women were also aroused by scenes of monkeys having sex, though most of them claimed they weren't.
Men that were shown the same pornographic films reacted differently. Straight men were only aroused by women and gay men were only aroused by men. In general, the men showed much less reaction to the monkeys than the women did.
That's actually pretty normal. There were some scientists who did a study of what type of porn women were aroused by (measuring arousal via genital blood flow). They found that most of the women were aroused by both males and females. The "strait" women were aroused by lesbian scenes and the "lesbian" women were aroused by scenes involving gay men. Basically, the women were all bisexual even if many of them didn't want to admit it. The women were also aroused by scenes of monkeys having sex, though most of them claimed they weren't.
Men that were shown the same pornographic films reacted differently. Straight men were only aroused by women and gay men were only aroused by men. In general, the men showed much less reaction to the monkeys than the women did.
that must be where the trem HOT MONKEY SEX comes from!!!!!!!!!!!
[QUOTE=tacoma;317251]1)How i may stack up to the women on the screen. That is perhaps i will feel self-conscious about my body relative to those of the women on screen As a man let me tell you to totally forget about this worry.All women seem to have it regarding their men watching porn but I`ve never heard a man compare his wife to a porn star nor have I even done it, in bed or out of bed. The concern sounded strange to me when I first heard it even though in hindsight I can see how it is an obvious worry.
Thanks for you feedback. I am not thinking that my husband will want to fantasize or want to be with the female stars in any phyisical sense it is just that, i guess I am concerned that MY self-conscousness will make ME feel inadequate. I guess i am trying to prepare myself for this. I agree that part of his arrousal will come from the acts being performed but, because i know he also likes to view "solo' females as other men apparently enjoy too i have to realisticly undersand and accept the fact that he is and will continue to be aroused by them. I guess it is one thing to KNOW it intillectually it is yet another to firsthand whitness his arousal from another women. I know this is unrational but, I guess i can't help it. Perhaps i need to work on my confidence in the regard.
Studies do show that porn makes sex worse not better for a lot of people, and that men even subconsciously compare their wives to the women they watch.
Studies do show that porn makes sex worse not better for a lot of people, and that men even subconsciously compare their wives to the women they watch.
interesting. My H who is a cheater, was recently caught on porn/forum sites again. This is where his EA started. The EA/PA continued on match-up sites. Personally Porn is not good in our relationship. He claims he just enjoys looking. Doesn't subscribe and we have many movies to watch, and when I asked Ok instead of being online looking at that, how about you watch the movies with me. BLOW ME AWAY he says no, you said you didn't like watching them. What? When did I say that.
I believe porn in any form is not a good thing to have as a stimulation. just my opinion but If you have to have porn to be turned on, it isn't the right way.
porn that is degrading to woman and thats abuses or harms in any way is wrong.
I agree with that.
But I believe that there are some porn made for couples by men and women that do not fit this catagory and am fine with vewing it as long as both are comfortable with it.
2Likes
A women's exploration into porn 
It was about time I learned some things! My husband never thought he would see such a day come. He is HAPPY to watch it with me.
