So, I've been going through a rollercoaster ride of relationship issues for a while now with my wife of 9 years. We have a 3 year old little boy who is amazing.
Most of it is my fault. To make a long story short. For years I was ignorant and put all of my hobbies before everything else. I used to play in rock bands, wrestled professionally, and now I make indie horror films, and I spent every other free minute online either working on promoting one of those things or playing some sort of online game. Left very little time for her. After the baby was born, it didn't get any better. I still "attempted" to spend time with her.. but it wasn't sufficient for what I should be been doing. Long story short, she started to resent me without saying it and eventually came out and said "I resent you", and it went all downhill from there. She decided that she wanted to start making herself happy instead of trying to be the perfect little wife to me. I understood, and it was mostly my fault. I honestly didn't realize what I was doing was hurting her, because it didn't usually become a problem until the latter stages where I was literally engrossed into these hobbies. Eventually everything I did, or didn't do began to slowly all irritate her. She began to stop showing affection towards me and she started to become more outgoing to other people, especially others males. She didn't used to have many friends, but now she has quite a few who are all mostly male. I don't have a problem with it, its just hard to get used to.
Anyway, It took her nearly leaving me for me to own up to my neglect of her and since then I've been busting my butt to work on my faults and show her that I love her as much as I should have always showed her. Things seem to be getting "slowly" better, but she still has this huge wall up where she won't allow herself to show affection or get too close to me. We talk and stuff, but thats it. We haven't had sex in almost 6 months, and the last time we did.. it sucked. The stuff around the house that she had issues with has noticeably improved and she's told me that, but she says she doesn't know if she can get past the resentment and the sex issue. She doesn't even want it from me right now. Like I said, things have been slowly getting better.. and our sex hasn't always been terrible.. so I know once I get the chance, I can "rock her world" so to speak.. but she's gotta want to as well.
I love her so very much, and I kick myself every day for not realizing what I was doing to her much sooner. I asked her yesterday how she'd react if I tried to hug her or give her a kiss on the cheek, and she said "I don't know, I don't know if I am ready for all that yet". I tried to think positive.. at least she didn't say something totally negative.
Our anniversary is next week, and I'm going to surprise her with a nice dinner and I bought her a 14k gold past present and future diamond ring. She's always wanted one, but she spent alot of her own money on me and my hobbies and never got anything in return. Its my turn to pamper her.
I don't know if that will do any good, but any advice that could be given is a plus.
Most of it is my fault. To make a long story short. For years I was ignorant and put all of my hobbies before everything else. I used to play in rock bands, wrestled professionally, and now I make indie horror films, and I spent every other free minute online either working on promoting one of those things or playing some sort of online game. Left very little time for her. After the baby was born, it didn't get any better. I still "attempted" to spend time with her.. but it wasn't sufficient for what I should be been doing. Long story short, she started to resent me without saying it and eventually came out and said "I resent you", and it went all downhill from there. She decided that she wanted to start making herself happy instead of trying to be the perfect little wife to me. I understood, and it was mostly my fault. I honestly didn't realize what I was doing was hurting her, because it didn't usually become a problem until the latter stages where I was literally engrossed into these hobbies. Eventually everything I did, or didn't do began to slowly all irritate her. She began to stop showing affection towards me and she started to become more outgoing to other people, especially others males. She didn't used to have many friends, but now she has quite a few who are all mostly male. I don't have a problem with it, its just hard to get used to.
Anyway, It took her nearly leaving me for me to own up to my neglect of her and since then I've been busting my butt to work on my faults and show her that I love her as much as I should have always showed her. Things seem to be getting "slowly" better, but she still has this huge wall up where she won't allow herself to show affection or get too close to me. We talk and stuff, but thats it. We haven't had sex in almost 6 months, and the last time we did.. it sucked. The stuff around the house that she had issues with has noticeably improved and she's told me that, but she says she doesn't know if she can get past the resentment and the sex issue. She doesn't even want it from me right now. Like I said, things have been slowly getting better.. and our sex hasn't always been terrible.. so I know once I get the chance, I can "rock her world" so to speak.. but she's gotta want to as well.
I love her so very much, and I kick myself every day for not realizing what I was doing to her much sooner. I asked her yesterday how she'd react if I tried to hug her or give her a kiss on the cheek, and she said "I don't know, I don't know if I am ready for all that yet". I tried to think positive.. at least she didn't say something totally negative.
Our anniversary is next week, and I'm going to surprise her with a nice dinner and I bought her a 14k gold past present and future diamond ring. She's always wanted one, but she spent alot of her own money on me and my hobbies and never got anything in return. Its my turn to pamper her.
I don't know if that will do any good, but any advice that could be given is a plus.