What do you want to have? His heart or his drifting away. A lot of men are frustrated that their wives don't talk dirty.
Chickenlittle, please pay no attention to this. Under no circumstances should anyone try to convince you to forfeit your dignity and live with the way he degrades you and makes you feel just to be with a man.
The only way to look at your situation is to consider the facts that you told him you don't like it and you asked him to stop, yet he continues. What do you think that is?
You are being abused in exactly the same manner batterers abuse their wives. The only difference is you don't end up with black eyes and visible bruises. However, abuse is not hardly limited to the physical aspects. Abuse is also verbal, mental/emotional, sexual.
Just like all other abused victims, you were duped into this abusive relationship. No man socks a woman in the eye when he meets her. He knows he has to be cunning and deceptive for the first while in order to gain her love and trust. He knows he has to wear the Mr. Wonderful facade to get you. And what did you state to us here?
"In the beginning it was amazing and I felt really connected to him (and the talk wasn't dirty until probably like, 6-8 months into it and progressed slowly but steadily) but now, I just feel objectified.
Once he gets you to fall in love with him, he begins his abusive behavior. You are, by then, powerless to view the relationship objectively and unable to tear yourself away because you convince yourself you love him too much and that he is otherwise a nice person.
Another characterisitic of an abuser is to ignore or dismiss your concerns when you express them to him. He will turn your words to mush as being of much less importance than you are making the situation, try to convince you that you are overreacting or something. Sometimes, he might promise to change but doesn't ever change. Or, he will simply ignore you and continue the behavior that you complained about.
Most abusers try to turn your complaint into something that is your fault to exempt himself and make you feel like the guilty party in order to create the ideal situation for himself so he can continue abusing you. What could be better for him than you allowing/putting up with his abuse, while you are the one feeling guilty or feeling somehow inadequate or unwilling to please him? If he hasn't done it already, be prepared for him calling you a prude or making sure you know all his other girlfriends enjoyed his methods. He will be lying of course, but what does that matter to him? He knows and fully expects you will believe him to make sure you end up feeling like there is something wrong with YOU and not him. Once he has convinced you of that, you will allow him to continue without complaint.
I am worried this is an underlying part of his personality and the way that he wants to and does talk to me during sex is indicative of his respect for women, and/or the role he wants to play during sex.
You give him too much the benefit of doubt and have convinced yourself there is something "underlying" in his personality. Do you not live the blatant, outward expressions every time you have sex with him?
On the other hand, it could also be that he is watching too much porn, he is older than me by eight years and has had many single years to himself, and I know that he is a big porn watcher. This bothers me, and I have told him that, but he says it is just my insecurity.
See what I mean how easily he turned it into being all your fault??? He completely dismissed your complaint and blamed it all on you.
And.....he's still abusing you.