Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-16-2011, 02:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 24
Default Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

*** I figured it would be best to add some information due to the topic. I am not selling anything, nor will I ever post a link to a product. I am just trying to get some feedback on a forum to avoid having to look into other options such as seeing a sex therapist ($$$). Right now things are fine between my wife and I, this is just something brewing in my head and I just have a feeling that I may have opened Pandora's Box. Anyway, due to some of the messages or posts, I thought it was necessary to get that out of the way. I would by cynical as well. ****

I am new to this forum. I previously posted this on another forum that was geared more to sex and the commentary really wasn’t what I was looking for. So, I figured I would post here since it has more to do with my marriage than just the sex. Also sorry for the long post.

First let me say that I am VERY happily married 7 years and counting. My wife means everything to me and I feel fortunate that I have her in my life. She has been a great wife.

A little background, I had some slight concerns about our sex life. So, to spice things up I asked my wife to open up more about her fantasies, desires, etc. She was hesitant, but I promised her I wouldn’t hold it against her or be jealous, I just heard it made things better. She eventually did. I am not jealous AT ALL about her past experiences or her fantasies. A common "nugget" that came out about her past and fantasies has been penis size, or to be more precise, large penises. It sounds really odd, but I have suspected she was into that type of thing for some time. I have noticed her checking out guys “packages” when they are pretty large, which is kind of a turn on actually. And she gets highly aroused after seeing one, whether in a movie or magazine. She has also made comments. When she looks and I catch her we just laugh. I usually tease her about it but that’s it. She is open and honest and does tell me when she notices. It doesn’t bother me AT ALL. Sometimes it is kind of funny.

I have noticed other women’s breasts or bodies in general, but would never even think of cheating so I don’t worry too much about her fantasizing or noticing. I actually think it is some kind of fetish. But she has always been affectionate and reinforcing towards me and never tried to make me feel bad about myself so I didn’t think much of it. I figured lots of women are like that.

As for me, I am not huge by any means, or small. I always thought I was larger than average at a little over 7” x 5 1/2", but nothing anyone would consider huge. In her past she has had quite a few experiences with bigger guys though, (many in the range of 8” x 6”, some longer, some very thick and a couple HUGE guys. She enjoyed oral quite a bit on the larger guys. She did not however like intercourse, and couldn’t even do it with one. She has told me numerous times that I am almost too long so I don’t think she is cut out to handle guys too big that way. She also said that she has never had an OG through intercourse with any of them before me, only orally. She is pretty honest about a lot of things, sometimes brutally, so I do think she is being truthful. I would rather know the brutal truth, no matter how much it sings at first than a sugar-coated version of it.

I never really had problems with past girlfriends achieving OG’s, many multiple. I have a bit of an upward curve and they said that it helped. But my wife didn’t seem to react like them at all. She did have OG's, just not every time, or near as often. Not until recently.

We have been receiving treatment for fertility issues, recently adding some natural options. While the different supplements I am taking are for general sperm health, some of the positive side effects increase libido, sexual function, and in my case in a little more. I have actually gained thickness. My wife was the one who said something first, and now, playfully grabs, makes lots of comments and even just likes to look. I kind of noticed a few weeks ago that something was changing, but didn’t say anything.

Now up until this point, she has said that our sex has been very good and that she is completely happy. She has had OG’s, just not every time, and she’ll tell me when she doesn’t. I usually give her one orally, or not at all if she says not to worry about it. But, I always thought that she seemed less than enthused most of the time, which is why I ask her. I wanted to do what I could to make it better. Lately though, she has made numerous comments during sex about feeling “fuller” and has been MUCH more visually and especially vocally “enthusiastic” even having multiple OG’s, which she rarely had with me before through intercourse. The other day, she had quite a few. I wasn’t doing anything different she just kept having them. I was shocked. I asked her how many she had and that she said she stopped counting after 6. She was making sounds she never made before and acting totally different. It was really sexy to see her that way. She actually acted like she enjoyed it and had a look in her eyes I had never seen before.

Here’s where the problem arises. I told a friend in health care about the extra size I suspected was from the supplements and he said that it was likely temporary unless it resolved some serious issue with blood flow. I have also checked the Internet and while some articles do list size increases with some supplements that I am taking, I couldn’t determine if it was permanent. Now though after seeing her react to the “new me.” I am very worried that if things go back to normal, or gets used to it, she’ll react to sex like she used to, and I will feel like I am leaving her less than satisfied. She has always claimed that it was good and that she was really enjoying it, but now I see how she is when she really enjoys it on a different level. I thought it was because we started opening up more, but it didn’t really change this drastically until AFTER the increase. And she does say things like how it feels “great" and "different.” Mind you, I did not bring it up first, these are things she started saying and doing before I even told her.

Did I open Pandora’s box by having her open up so much? She really enjoys being able to tell me things and for the most part it has helped our sex life, just nothing as drastic as it has been lately. And now that the “secret” is out that she is really into penis size, and actually seems to enjoy it more, she tells me about her fantasies more often. Keep in mind that she NEVER says that she desires another man and actually reinforces the opposite. I am just not sure I would feel that she is being fulfilled when or if things go back to the way they were.

I would appreciate any input. Some people actually suggested attending masked swinger/erotic parties with guys that are well endowed, even if we don’t actively participate or just watch porn. Neither of us is really into porn but she has always liked the whole erotic masquerade type thing. She has been cautiously open to the idea when I mentioned it. I just really don’t want to jeopardize my marriage. I am not sure it is compatible with our religious beliefs, but do I want her to be happy.

Last edited by HKUSP71; 05-16-2011 at 10:05 AM. Reason: Added some information to clarify the intentions of my post
HKUSP71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-16-2011, 02:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
greenpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,959
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

First, say no to swingers and threesomes no matter how exciting it is!

This kind of thing is like drugs, it takes you to heaven, but it is going to poison your body and mind. After this kind of thing, your emotional attachment will be totally different. I had no experience with this, but I hold my opinion strongly. I don't care how exciting it might be, I won't try this kind of drugs.

I could orgasm with all sizes. But I can only be intimate emotionally with my husband. He is the only one who makes me want to put my arms around him tightly. His is big enough for me to enjoy sex. I think for a woman, emotion intimacy is much more important than physical fun. I mean, our emotional climax brings physical climax.

But it is sweet that you are concerned a lot about her physical fun, deal with it when it comes!
greenpearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 07:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Does she not realize how large you already are???

Look it up the average penis size is about 5 inches.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 07:51 AM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 11
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

The supplements have increased your "thickness"? Hmmm... Why do I have a feeling that you're responding to PM's with a link to where guys can buy that supplement? Or perhaps we'll see it on this thread... maybe even after a couple other postings from you. After all, guerilla marketing is getting more & more clever!

If, however, I'm wrong about this,... I don't know what to tell you!
Michael610 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 08:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Maybe she likes feeling fuller.

I've been spoiled by my husband.

I thought 5-7 inches was average and it is. I thought it was enough for me and it was - until I married my current husband 26+ years ago. He's in the 9+ and up range (way above average) and I have to tell you - he's spoiled me - I can't go back. Anything else is like a toothpick in a bucket - it's a completely different feeling.

Supplements don't work - stretching mechanisms don't work - you are what you are. But you can find augmenting type toys that slip over yours and creates more girth and length to spice things up if you wish.

This is a difficult problem. It's not like you can go get them enlarged like you do breasts. I don't really know what to tell you. Try using large toys in your sex play also - maybe that will help.

I have no issues with the swinging lifestyle - but you need to be on board - don't just do it for her - you will come to resent it and her if you do.

Good luck!
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 08:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
WhiteRabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 342
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
Does she not realize how large you already are???

Look it up the average penis size is about 5 inches.
WhiteRabbit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 08:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 24
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael610 View Post
The supplements have increased your "thickness"? Hmmm... Why do I have a feeling that you're responding to PM's with a link to where guys can buy that supplement? Or perhaps we'll see it on this thread... maybe even after a couple other postings from you. After all, guerilla marketing is getting more & more clever!

If, however, I'm wrong about this,... I don't know what to tell you!
Funny, I would think the same thing if I were reading this. I just told my wife about your post and she laughed. Sorry no link.

But my post is very true. I have had some issues, I think I have lost some thickness over the past 10-12 years. I was considerably bigger when I was younger, and I am actually getting to where I was again.

We didn't even realize this could be addressed this without prescription meds, which we didn't really want to do. And I didn't really realize I had much of an issue until recently. Over a long period of time, it isn't as noticeable. We both eat right and work out so I thought I would stay healthy down there, not true I guess. Age will get ya and I may have had some other issues, not sure. This is only recent. I only really found out while we have been trying to conceive. But, since this has happened I think it has had a lot do to with not getting enough blood flow My erections while hard were not NEAR as hard as they were when I was younger. And they have been lately.

That wasn't really the main focus of the topic though, I have been more concerned with the issue possible building between my wife and I. We have a REALLY good relationship, I don't want to do anything to mess it up.
HKUSP71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 08:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
WhiteRabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 342
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by HKUSP71 View Post
That wasn't really the main focus of the topic though, I have been more concerned with the issue possible building between my wife and I. We have a REALLY good relationship, I don't want to do anything to mess it up.
I know penis size is somewhat important but it shouldn't be that big of an issue in the relationship IF in fact that relationship truly is great. If your wife is having issues with your penis size...perhaps she's trying to tell you something about your relationship.
WhiteRabbit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 11:48 AM   #9 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 24
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Thanks everyone for the feedback. It has been helpful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
Maybe she likes feeling fuller.

I've been spoiled by my husband.

I thought 5-7 inches was average and it is. I thought it was enough for me and it was - until I married my current husband 26+ years ago. He's in the 9+ and up range (way above average) and I have to tell you - he's spoiled me - I can't go back. Anything else is like a toothpick in a bucket - it's a completely different feeling.

Supplements don't work - stretching mechanisms don't work - you are what you are. But you can find augmenting type toys that slip over yours and creates more girth and length to spice things up if you wish.

This is a difficult problem. It's not like you can go get them enlarged like you do breasts. I don't really know what to tell you. Try using large toys in your sex play also - maybe that will help.

I have no issues with the swinging lifestyle - but you need to be on board - don't just do it for her - you will come to resent it and her if you do.

Good luck!
That's what I have been concerned about since finding out about her secret "fetish." Besides personal moral concerns, the swinging STD thing scares us quite a bit too. She really isn't into it, and I just think that would be a whole can of worms we don't want to open up. The whole masked thing is also kind of a fetish that opens her up to the possibility, especially because she has also fantasized quite a bit about being with a woman too, but I just don't see it happening. I think her being with a woman would be more likely than her actually having sex with another man.

That being said, she has said many times that she only really liked to perform oral on the larger guys. She said sex was good up until they got close to 8"+. Then she said it was too painful and even told a couple huge guys that she didn't want to do anything other than oral. But she LOVES oral, and since the recent change, she wants to do it all the time. No complaints from me.

The way she is built seems like she could handle maybe a little thicker than I am NOW, but not much and definitely not longer. Sometimes she winces now or says to not go in as deep. She has said many many times lately that there has been a definite "nice" change over the past few weeks. But any more would be too much. It is nice to see her respond the way she has lately though. She did say that when she and her BIG boyfriend broke up and she was back to a guy that was in the range of 7 1/2" or so, it felt much better and she enjoyed it more. It could be the technique too, but she may just be built for one that is around 7 1/2". Up until me this past weekend, she told me that was her favorite physically.

And while stretching, natural enlargement etc., don't work, I am told that if there has been issues with contraction, or blood flow, etc., resolving that could make a huge difference, especially in thickness. I was also told that if there was some contraction because of weight gain, for every 30-35 lbs of weight lost, your penis gains about an inch. While I didn't gain THAT much weight , I have lost quite a bit. That could have a little to do with it too. My wife and I are really into working out again and being much more active so we both have been shedding some lbs.

As for size now, I am almost as thick while limp as I was when erect before, and longer. She actually just said that yesterday when she saw me dressing. It was funny. She just blurted it out in conversation.

As I mentioned, I was larger and harder when I was younger and in college. it's just since I got to 28-30 and put on a little extra weight that things started to change. Ah the joys of aging and me getting out of shape.

But we have been able to have sex and she has had OG's, it's just that I wasn't even close to as hard as I used to be or she wasn't having NEAR as many OG's as she has lately.

I was considering toys and such, but those are mostly for intercourse, and while she likes a little larger for intercourse, which she has been experiencing lately, her big thing with large ones has been oral. I was messing around with her one night and told her I was going to bring a well endowed guy in to let her give him a BJ. Jokingly I asked if that was OK. She laughed and said no, but added that the idea did arouse her quite a bit.

She has also said that when she did oral she felt NO emotions or attachment at all, other than liking it physically. Intercourse was a completely different issue. She said she is not capable of NSA sex.

Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
Does she not realize how large you already are???

Look it up the average penis size is about 5 inches.
She says she knows, her friends have told her too. And she has experienced small and average guys as well just not as many as the larger guys. She had a bit of a wild streak when she was younger so she was pretty active for period of time, just mostly with oral, she just didn't like actually having sex with everyone she met and didn't like it if they were too big. But, oral, yep, she'd do it. That just turns her on in a big way.

She is definitely not built for larger ones physically though which is why I was surprised when stuff started to come out. She thinks it may be because she saw some porn when she was younger and had this skewed vision of normal. She recalls being very aroused. It was way before she ever saw a real one or had any experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteRabbit View Post
I know penis size is somewhat important but it shouldn't be that big of an issue in the relationship IF in fact that relationship truly is great. If your wife is having issues with your penis size...perhaps she's trying to tell you something about your relationship.
Keep in mind that she has never said anything, or stated anything about my penis size being an issue, ever. And has always reinforced the opposite. She is very complimentary and reinforcing. This has been MY thing for her to tell me about her fantasies, etc. Now I am wondering, since learning about her fetish and some recent developments if I opened something up. She has never said anything. She has always stated to her friends who are also some of my friends that she is VERY happy in our marriage and that she is also happy with our sex life. It has been my thing to look further or think something may be brewing. I have to say that it has been a major turn on for me too when I hear her talk about her fantasies, etc.
HKUSP71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 11:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
MarriedWifeInLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,050
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
Does she not realize how large you already are???

Look it up the average penis size is about 5 inches.
Which in my house is BELOW AVERAGE - big time!
__________________
"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford
MarriedWifeInLove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 11:51 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
MGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: US
Posts: 386
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedWifeInLove View Post
Which in my house is BELOW AVERAGE - big time!
Bragging on your husband there much, MWIL?
__________________
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
MGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 12:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 55
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

first of all, if your telling the truth...your penis is bigger then about 97% of men in the world... maybe even more then that. i doubt your wife has had men that are way bigger then you because there are not too many men that are bigger then you at all. and your thickness is probably in a high percentile then your length... making it even less like that too many men have more penis volume then yours. and accounting for other factors that keep these men form your wife (ie, they are married, gay, 300 pound janitors that your wife wouldnt touch, random men that your wife has and will never meet. etc...) that probably leaves a hand full of guys in your area with penises bigger then yours...and your wife just so happens to have had them all? come on!

second, i feel like your lack confidence (or whatever) has come to a place where your wife looks at other penis's in front of you and you pretend to laugh about it.

you find it sexy? I dont buy it.... that some beta male rationalization right there. and your wife knows it. do you know what it takes for a woman to look at another mans penis if front of her husband and make it known that she is attracted to how big it is? lack of respect thats what... not "shes an evil b*tch" type of disrespect...but the "she sees you as a puppy dog" type of disrespect.

you think john waynes wife would say "i love that guys penis over there"? No, because he is the big dog in yard... and his wife would treat him as such

and stop being so concerned about giving her an orgasm... and trying to meet or needs during sex. alpha dogs throw the woman down, have their way, and go about their business...and women love it. woman dont think to acknowledge it... but survey after survey and study after study says that after the fact, women admit that selfish lovers were the best in bed. stop with the "are you ok?" "are you going to c*m?" and just f*ck her like a man... and act like a man outside the bed room. real men dont talk about sharing thier wives with other men because they have bigger penis's and real men dont create an environment where it is ok to talk about how much she looks other guys c*cks.

Last edited by whammy; 05-16-2011 at 12:52 PM.
whammy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 01:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: NV
Posts: 522
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by whammy View Post
first of all, if your telling the truth...your penis is bigger then about 97% of men in the world... maybe even more then that. i doubt your wife has had men that are way bigger then you because there are not too many men that are bigger then you at all. and your thickness is probably in a high percentile then your length... making it even less like that too many men have more penis volume then yours. and accounting for other factors that keep these men form your wife (ie, they are married, gay, 300 pound janitors that your wife wouldnt touch, random men that your wife has and will never meet. etc...) that probably leaves a hand full of guys in your area with penises bigger then yours...and your wife just so happens to have had them all? come on!

second, i feel like your lack confidence (or whatever) has come to a place where your wife looks at other penis's in front of you and you pretend to laugh about it.

you find it sexy? I dont buy it.... that some beta male rationalization right there. and your wife knows it. do you know what it takes for a woman to look at another mans penis if front of her husband and make it known that she is attracted to how big it is? lack of respect thats what... not "shes an evil b*tch" type of disrespect...but the "she sees you as a puppy dog" type of disrespect.

you think john waynes wife would say "i love that guys penis over there"? No, because he is the big dog in yard... and his wife would treat him as such

and stop being so concerned about giving her an orgasm... and trying to meet or needs during sex. alpha dogs throw the woman down, have their way, and go about their business...and women love it. woman dont think to acknowledge it... but survey after survey and study after study says that after the fact, women admit that selfish lovers were the best in bed. stop with the "are you ok?" "are you going to c*m?" and just f*ck her like a man... and act like a man outside the bed room. real men dont talk about sharing thier wives with other men because they have bigger penis's and real men dont create an environment where it is ok to talk about how much she looks other guys c*cks.
I agree with this.. a) you've got nothing to be ashamed of. be a man, own it and be proud of what you've got. 5.5 around is actually kind of huge, regardless of length! b) it is up to your wife to have orgasms. If she has more, great.. if not, it probably has more to do with her state of mind than anything you are doing or not doing.
nader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 02:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 24
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by whammy View Post
first of all, if your telling the truth...your penis is bigger then about 97% of men in the world... maybe even more then that. i doubt your wife has had men that are way bigger then you because there are not too many men that are bigger then you at all. and your thickness is probably in a high percentile then your length... making it even less like that too many men have more penis volume then yours. and accounting for other factors that keep these men form your wife (ie, they are married, gay, 300 pound janitors that your wife wouldnt touch, random men that your wife has and will never meet. etc...) that probably leaves a hand full of guys in your area with penises bigger then yours...and your wife just so happens to have had them all? come on!

second, i feel like your lack confidence (or whatever) has come to a place where your wife looks at other penis's in front of you and you pretend to laugh about it.

you find it sexy? I dont buy it.... that some beta male rationalization right there. and your wife knows it. do you know what it takes for a woman to look at another mans penis if front of her husband and make it known that she is attracted to how big it is? lack of respect thats what... not "shes an evil b*tch" type of disrespect...but the "she sees you as a puppy dog" type of disrespect.

you think john waynes wife would say "i love that guys penis over there"? No, because he is the big dog in yard... not a little puppy that she needs to reassured all the time.

and stop being so concerned about giving her an orgasm... and trying to meet or needs during sex. alpha dogs throw the woman down, have their way, and go about their business...and women love it. woman dont think to acknowledge it... but survey after survey and study after study says that after the fact, women admit that selfish lovers where the best in bed. stop with the "are you ok?" "are you going to c*m" and just f*ck her like a man... and act like a man outside the bed room. real men dont talk sharing thier wives with men because they have bigger penis's and real men create an environment where it is ok to talk about how big some other guys c*ck is.
You are probably right. Actually, I was NEVER like this before her. And I mean NEVER, I never would have thought of even talking like this with a girlfriend, or finding it even remotely OK with her sharing past stories. Which is again why I look through these forums or consider talking with sex therapists. What I am finding is that is is WAAAYYY more common that I expected. I am not sure I would like her to say that she loved some other penis though. But, the fact that she fantasizes about such things or experienced them doesn't bother me at all. It' all in the past for better or worse, and it is what makes her who she is.

It was ME that actually started having her open up about her fantasies, etc., after reading it in one of her magazines on a train ride. I was bored, out of things to read so I started to read whatever was in front of me and she had a small stack of gossip and women's magazines. So I asked if she wanted to open up more. She was hesitant but then very much into it and that is when i was HIT with what she opened up about. I NEVER expected the details she dropped. She was sweet about it and wasn't trying to make me feel bad in any way. She just answered a few questions begrudgingly and then the flood gates opened. She even came back with that she is so much happier now than any time in her life.

As for the type of guys she dated. I just asked her about your post and she said she had WAY more than her share of alpha males. She said she hated it, we met when we were both quite a bit older so has had some experience. Actually there were a few guys she met at the gym while she was training. They were testosterone pumped, well hung alpha male F%$& machines. Early on she said it was exciting, but got old really quick as they came across, as, in her words, "selfish and shallow" and as more guarded and insecure when she got to know them. Plus, while they climaxed plenty of times, they couldn't get her to. That doesn't seem very manly. I am sure she would rather have a open, vulnerable guy who asks her what she likes and rocks her world in bed than some alpha male who's only concerned was with, in her words, "getting themselves off."

In any other area of my life I take control and she does like that, she says it makes her feel secure. I am "ultra competitive", and sometimes I push too hard. I manage my companies that way and even our household. I am not Donald Trump by any means, quite far from it actually, but I have had some success in business, probable as a result of those traits. But, I didn't want to do that to her. I have been told by more past girlfriends than I would like to admit that I am too driven and tend to focus more on my work than them. I did that to quite a few people I cared deeply about and the end result wasn't good. I also had a good friend who was like that. He is working on his 3rd marriage. None lasted past 4 years. She just told me today that she has never felt closer to anyone and this is the closest she felt in our 7 years of marriage.

I just wanted to connect in a different way with my wife and not repeat the same mistakes I made when I was younger, or saw my friends make. So, I really let her open up. Again, she NEVER was pointing out that she liked to look at large penises or anything like that, I just picked up on things when she talked about old ex's, or younger wild days and such, and then it came out when she started to open up. I also had some wild days when I was younger, so it didn't really bother me.

I really didn't expect to hear what she said. But surprisingly, it didn't bother me. If one of my older girlfriends would have said some of the things she said, I would have had a serious problem with it. I have been jealous or upset over a lot less.

I can't explain it really, but something changed. And yes, I am concerned which again is why I have turned to some forums to discuss some of this stuff. I also have fetishes, I like large breasts and fit bodies, why should I care that she has preferences and fetishes too. I am not sure what causes them. I am sure Freud would have something to say about it. And thats fine. All of this other stuff just came out because of what she was telling me. My mind just took it and ran.

Also, keep in mind a lot of these are fantasies or things I question. Nothing ever took place and I am sure that if something did, maybe the reality would be quite different.

She is very sweet and giving, even offering more than what she gets in return. She would have NEVER said any of these things, and even has told me as much had I not really pressed her to open up. Maybe I did open Pandora's box. But, oddly enough I do feel much much closer to her since we started opening up like this. Go figure.

We are all different and complicated beings. But, polls and research aside, the fact is that our relationship IS a WHOLE lot better the past few weeks. Maybe she liked seeing that vulnerable side more than the Mr. I-am-in-control I have been for so long. But I understand where you are coming from, and appreciate the input. Before I met her, I would have probably thought the same thing.

And by the way, yes, I am serious. This has been an honest and truthful post as ridiculous as it sounds. I wouldn't take the time to compose half hour long responses if I wasn't really trying to get to some input and understanding on what is happening. Maybe this is all temporary, not sure. I knew I risked coming across as weak or vulnerable. Thats fine, so be it. I just think my relationship with my wife is more important.
HKUSP71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2011, 02:42 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,160
Default Re: Need advice - Wife seems to be a penis "size queen"

Quote:
Originally Posted by HKUSP71 View Post
And while stretching, natural enlargement etc., don't work, I am told that if there has been issues with contraction, or blood flow, etc., resolving that could make a huge difference, especially in thickness. I was also told that if there was some contraction because of weight gain, for every 30-35 lbs of weight lost, your penis gains about an inch. While I didn't gain THAT much weight , I have lost quite a bit. That could have a little to do with it too. My wife and I are really into working out again and being much more active so we both have been shedding some lbs.
I don't know where you heard the 1" gain for every 30 pounds lost, but if that's true, I (and my stbx-spouse) got royally ripped off when I lost my 55 pounds. I'm pretty sure I would have noticed an extra 1.5"...

I was watching a tv show the other day that discussed sexual issues... One of Oprah's doctor friends. And they did mention that the first sign of some cardiovascular diseases is erection difficulties. I would imagine not fully "inflating" would fall into that category. Maybe wouldn't hurt to get yourself screened for any heart/cardio issues.

C
PBear is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Remember when you were newlyweds and calling your new spouse "husband" or "wife"... Wildflower3 Going Through Divorce or Separation 11 06-11-2013 03:03 PM
Wife insults penis size (some questions) marriedguy2 Sex in Marriage 51 02-25-2012 02:43 PM
Need some advice. Having communication issues and my wife said she is "not in love" Chris12 General Relationship Discussion 6 02-17-2012 10:22 AM
Wife feeling "empty" Need advice! dolfan General Relationship Discussion 9 01-12-2011 09:03 AM
Sticky Situation - Advice Needed Concerning "Wife" Scottiscool General Relationship Discussion 8 12-13-2010 12:33 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:49 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage