tacoma

You're in for a long haul.
Nothing can change his feelings towards you but time and that may not be enough.

You messed up bad.

He essentially has to be willing to completely forgive you manipulating him for years.

That's a very tall order.
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tacoma

apparently a lot of people refuse to see a lot of things
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marriedinnh

It would be too demanding. Keep working on yourself and give him some space. You can't fix 8 years in a week. I'd guess he's got quite a bit of resentment built up. And I would imagine that talking about sex and asking for sex just stirs those feelings up for him. I would think you really need to back right off and try to work on developing a stronger connection to him in ways that are not sexual.

I say this as a high sex drive guy with a low sex drive wife. Though our problems are not as complicated as yours. I would be pushy about sex, because I wanted it. Unfortunately, I've just ended up pushing her away and turning her off more. So, I've been trying to follow my own advice and connect outside the bedroom in the hopes that better sex will follow at some point down the road.

jennifer1986

Let me be clear I will be harsh. U don't have to read this.
Let me also be clear I am a wife with kids. I love kids.
Having said that, if I were ur H, it would take me a long, long time to get over what u did. Maybe never.
Ur H is a good man doing what he should do. It is a man's honor to promise u he will never leave because now there is a child. His child. Even he was not ready and willing, he wants the child to have Dad around. I would do the same thing.
But I would not trust the woman that tricked me. And sex was what got me stuck here now. Why would I want to repeat this act? It would be repulsive and bring back all memories. I would much rather watch porn.
My advice is to stop all these efforts to bring his sexual feelings back for u. Tell him u are sorry and really wish he would be with u but u would wait. Frankly, wanting to WATCH PORN WITH HIM is such a bad idea. Please leave him alone.
Ur story almost sounds like some badly written soap, and in these the man often finds true love later with a woman who is not controlling.
I have no idea why anyone would think a child is a good way to keep the marriage intact. What bothers me the most is the unfairness to these CHILDREN. When the marriage gets in trouble later, the children will suffer. They should not have been brought to this world for that purpose. They are not "weapons" or bargaining chips. If the decision of having a baby is not a consensus, then the woman or man can go to a fertility clinic and rely on technology(and choose to raise the kid as a single parent, which is legit in today's society). Tricking a spouse is very low.
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michzz

Thread is over a year old.

jennifer1986

Oops, how did it get dug up....thanks for the reminder. Missed 3 min of food network over it.
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Hopeishere327

I agree with Laurie1967 and others who said you tried to control but you don’t have to be sorry. That’s what you wanted out of him and you don’t have to apologize for being a human being. You have wants and desires and it’s okay and natural to desire or want your husband. It’s fine to do that, he’s your husband after all.

And yes I learned that being in a relationship is hard sometimes as it needs to be a compromise like a give or take.

Good luck and I’m sorry this happened. Buck up, though since it’s not the end of the world! Think positive!