My wife wants it, I don't
Thanks in advance for any suggestions or advice... I know this is a bit of a novel.
My wife and I are each other's best friends. Been married 6 years. No kids. Lot of time to relax and be with each other. We have sex probably 1-2 a week, usually just on the weekends. We love each other's company. We are always together.
In 6 years, I've initiated sex probably 10 times total, not counting Valentines, anniversaries, etc... when I feel obligated to do it.
She has complained about the lack of touch and affection for years. I do touch her, hold hands, rub her back, feet. But she is lacking sexual intimacy. I feel satisfied, but I wish I was attracted to her more.
She thinks she is normal and I'm the one with problems. I see it the other way around.
She was a victim of abuse when she was little and I feel there are two common results of that. Either the victim has trust issues, can't be with guys, or they become overly sexual themselves and I believe my wife is the latter.
She tells me how lucky I am to be married to a woman that wants it like she does.
My problem is I'm simply not very sexually aroused by her. I love her dearly, but in almost more of a friendship way. She weighs almost 300 pounds and has gained 100 since we were dating, and I'd be lying if I said that didn't affect my desire for her sexually.
I had an emotional affair 3 months ago, but I told her about it and it is long over. I have a huge regret for that. She reconnected with an ex-boyfriend and hid things from me, but I discovered some sexual texts between them, including her saying she was thinking of him while having sex with me, to make it hot. I talked with her about it and she feels really bad, but said it was just nice to feel desired and sexy and alive.
We are doing a separation for now, but I'm almost to the point I simply want a divorce.
I feel if she wasn't so aggressive sexually, that I would actually be more in the mood for it. And I've told her that.
She's tried for years to lose weight, but I don't think it's in the cards. She's seen doctors, but a lot of it is hereditary and a lot of it is depression. We both have depression. She is taking medication for it.
Is it really okay to divorce your best friend and best thing that ever happened to you simply because of not on the same page sexually? She wants to leave, but has told me she'll know she'll regret it in a few years. The sex drive will diminish in her and she's worried she won't find someone like me.
As i think about it, she deserves to be with a man who treats her as well as I think I do, but also is going to desire her sexually.
And I want to be attracted to my wife.
That's the main issue. But we have all the little ones too, finances, religion, family, views on child rearing. I have wanted kids since we have been married. She doesn't. I no longer see myself having kids with her. Not sure she could even get pregnant.
I'm totally lost and confused. My head says it is a divorce. My heart is having a really hard time accepting that. I love her so much and will never stop and I'm not sure I could ever really love someone else the way I love her.