Let his daughter sleep in our bed
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 05-29-2011, 11:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Let his daughter sleep in our bed

My husband and my stepdaughter have a history of what some might call a weird relationship. Others call it normal.She's 13 now but when she was as old as 9 he was sitting in the bathroom with her while she bathed and she was still parading around naked in front of him.When they spend time together she always lies on top of him or all over him somehow.
I should share that I was abused by someone when I was a kid.My memories of it are fuzzy and I tried therapy for it but it didn't help much.I was fine with sex other than sleeping around a little bit as a teen.The abuse didn't have negative affects on my marriage or our physical relationship.Until stepdaughter got older and my husband wouldn't stop treating her like she was still 3.That's when the trouble started.He would sit in the bathroom with her while she was bathing or showering then he would sit on her bed and talk to her while she was drying off and putting her pajamas on for the night.Then he would lie in bed with her for a while.then he'd come downstairs to be with me but a few minutes later he'd be back in her room saying he needed to tuck her in before she fell asleep.
he still does all that stuff but no longer helps her with pajamas and bathtime.The longer this goes on the less attracted to him I am.I went out of town for a funeral and when I came home I found her pillow on the bed I share with my husband.So I asked him about it.He says oh "daughter" wanted to sleep with me while you were gone.
WTF??So you let your 13 year old daughter share OUR bed while I was out of town?The bed we have sex in??Why did she feel the need to jump into my spot the very second I was out of town?
I don't want to touch him.I don't want him to touch me.Even looking at him makes me want to throw up.I'm afraid we're never going to have sex again and I've already started fantasizing about other men because I'm so unsatisfied and sickened by him.We used to have such a nice marriage.Lots of sex and communication but this thing with his daughter is freaking me out.How do I know if this is normal daddy daughter behavior?What do I do if I can't stand the thought of my husband touching me and I never want to have sex in our bed again?
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Old 05-29-2011, 12:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

Your husbands behavior is deeply disturbing. Since she is not his, I am even more concerned. Take your daughter away from that man immediately. I'm puzzled why you have allowed it. She may have already been abused.
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Old 05-29-2011, 12:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

she's my stepdaughtr his daughter.i cant do anything to stop their behavior because she isnt mine.ive complained but he tells me im being jealous.maybe i am but it is ruining our sex life.
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Old 05-29-2011, 12:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Jealous? Omg. He is abusing her. Call authorities and her mom. She is in imminent danger. And yes you can stop him. This is scary beyond scary. Please. I am begging you.

Forget your stupid sex life.
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

you are one person who thinks it isn't right out of a bunch of others who thinks its perfectly normal since he only sees her every other weekend.so i wont forget my stupid sex life and try to ruin my husbands life based on the opinion of one person.i cant prove a thing and i have talked to her mother about it.she said she cosleeps with the girl too.she told me to get a life and stop overreacting.
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

You have some tucked up friends.

Let an investigation determine if she has been abused. How can you even risk it knowing what you know? I just don't get it. I'm sorry but I don't. My daughter went to her principal when she learned her friends, two girls, were being abused by their dad. She took action. Why won't you?
I hope others chime in here. I don't think I'm off base and neither do you in your heart.
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Think about it this way - s man who refuses to stop sleeping with his young daughter so that he can have s good sex life with his wife does so why? Also, the term jealous really bothers me. It means something. Jealous is about wanting something someone else has or fearing losing what you do have to another. Why would you be jealous of this one thing?
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Old 05-29-2011, 01:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

I found this article on google that might relate : Concerned About Father-Daughter Sleeping Arrangements
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Old 05-29-2011, 02:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Great article!
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Old 05-29-2011, 03:26 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

Oh he has ejaculated in or on her. Incest, straight up.
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Old 05-29-2011, 03:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I really wish you were not so blunt. You have no idea the effect of that sort of statement to people who have been abused.
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Old 05-29-2011, 03:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

WTF wrong with you people, Runs like a dog you are freaking Moron, and ClipClop you are sick also.
you all just out of the blue assumed it is incest and ejculation etc.

if three of you were abused when you were young don't assume all people are abused.
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Old 05-29-2011, 03:37 PM   #13 (permalink)
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And you think this situation is ok or did you just want to tell US we are sick? And don't tell me what my thinking is. I do not see abuse around every corner, but this one screams it. Maybe if you knew the damage this does to a child, you wouldn't be such an ******* yourself.
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Old 05-29-2011, 04:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

Depends on the culture, OP didn't say where her husband is from!

It is normal in Chinese culture!

Chinese parents usually let their children share a bed with them.

Please don't assume that the parents are sick. Chinese parents are very loving, Chinese are very family oriented. There are many reasons. No 1 reason is the limited space.

I can't assume anything based on this! An adult should be able to tell if the relationship is just pure father spoiling his daughter or something else.
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Old 05-29-2011, 04:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Let his daughter sleep in our bed

I was sexually abused as a child, yet still think some of the responses go a LITTLE overboard. Yes, its wrong, but you can't just assume that it has led to something beyond what you see. Yet you owe it to demand some private counseling for the child. Problem is, in most states, if you call state services, you you will start a process that will destroy trust, and you cannot salvage your marriage. In my state, just my son's comment, overheard by a teacher, about feeling depressed, took away our rights as parents. He was joking, but I had no choice but to let the state do what they wanted to do for the next year.

That said, I've been disappointed to find that some former acquaintences consider behavior almost as bad as your husband's to be appropriate. Its more common than you think. Personally, I think it alters the girl's perception of boundaries. My advice, though, is to tell your husband firmly that you will not put up with these missing boundaries in your house. Give him two weeks, and tell him that one of the two of you will leave AND you will call the authorities. Give him a little time to come to the right decision.

When something sends signals like this, stand firm. Hopefully, you'll find that your husband is just being very naive, and you two can work through this. I completely understand your revulsion, though.

If he chooses to address the issue, please demand that the child sees a counselor for a while. That's the only way to be sure. The counselor will notify the state if something inappropriate is suspected.
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