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Wife's past sex life vs. current sex life

32K views 58 replies 27 participants last post by  RandomDude 
#1 ·
If my wife has engaged in certain sex acts with 1st husband and a few BFs in the past but will not do the same with me, should I be offended?

Ladies - are there things you have done with past partners that you won't do with current partners? If so, why?

Not looking for answers that involve mental or physical abuse or answers such as
had sex in the back of the car when I was 16 but wouldn't do it now.
Thanks.
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#3 ·
That's a tough one... If nothing else, I guess a really good answer to the question of "Why them and not me?" might be a good starting point for the discussion.

There is things that my current GF has done in the past, and says she enjoyed even if it wasn't a regular item on her menu. Hasn't happened with us yet; she claims to be concerned about a large peg in a small hole or something... And I respect that (and am flattered at the same time), but... We'll see how things go.

I could see if there was things she did in the past but didn't enjoy. But that excuse wears thin if there was multiple partners who got that opportunity. What does she say when you ask her?

C
 
#6 ·
Actually - my husband is kinky and I wasn't.

So I would definitely say I do a lot more now than I ever did with anybody in the past.

In fact, if I was to marry again (after this one) - I just might scare the crap out of another man!

A woman should NEVER - EVER tell their current man/husband what they did sexually in the past with another - FOR THIS REASON.

Lesson learned gals...
 
#10 ·
A woman should NEVER - EVER tell their current man/husband what they did sexually in the past with another - FOR THIS REASON.

Lesson learned gals...
I know what's up with that? My husband doesn't know much of my past. I mean hello I used to be into bad boys. LOL!! He does NOT need to know details. And frankly I don't want to know what he did either.
 
#7 ·
"big peg in small hole" - just doesn't want to do it any more.
Going down after intercourse has started - now is nasty.

It is not that I would be upset without these things, I think it is more the thought of
others have done things with my wife that she will not do with me. My commitment
is obviously greater than that of a BF.
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#14 ·
She feels safe with you. No reason to do all those things for you, you're not going anywhere. BTW, have you tried to initiate some of these things (not ask for)? What was her reaction.
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#25 ·
Yes, there are several things I have done with past lovers that I won't do with my partner.

The reason being, I am a little wiser now, more experienced in knowing what I enjoy sexually and more confident in myself to say no to those things that I once only did to simply please the man I was with.
Found this part of your quote to be quite telling.

If there was something that MY WIFE (not my Gf) wanted me to do to "simply please her", I'd do it. I'm not just talking about just sex here either.

Guess I am mistaken because I thought that was part of what marriage was about

Edited to add that I would also be offended if she was unwilling to do things with me that she did with others unless she had a darn good reason (like a note from her Dr!)
 
#18 ·
Early on in my relationship with my husband, I asked him if he wanted to have a threesome with a friend of mine... It wasn't something that I was especially interested in but I'd done it with previous bf's and it seemed unfair to me not to offer him the opportunity.

He said no, and straight up said that while it was something that did excite him, he didn't think it was something that belonged in marraige and he thought that he might struggle afterwards with the emotions that come with having sex with another person, all for the sake of a nights sexual gratification. He also thought (qutie astutely that the reality might not be as good as the fantasy).

He took a similar line with other sex acts such as anal sex....

I think the ability of doing various things sexually to enhance your married life are limited, while the ability to damage it is immense...

So why risk it?
 
#22 ·
After almost a decade of being married to my wife and dating for many years before that, she still to this day has done more with her past boyfriends that she has with me.

She knows this hurts me but has refused to and I believe deliberately withheld from me to make this true as if she is holding some allegiance to them rather than to me.

And for the record, I'm just talking about BJ's, sex, hand jobs, etc. The kicker to all of this... she was only with them three years.
 
#23 ·
I think that in marriage, most wife think the husband isn't going anywhere, so why did all those things that they do to keep ex BFs interested. In marriage, the more you invest, the less you get in return. It'd the rule of least effort, something I read in amother forum.
My DW is liked that too, and her answer when I asked why, was she didn't know. But she admitted that she had a deeper attraction towards them than me. They are bad boys, while I'm a nice guy.
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#27 ·
This is one thing that bugs me about guys. I mean, talk about being glutton for punishment. If you feel you have to know EVERYTHING about a woman's past sex life, you better be prepared to get your heart broken with the honest truth.

I mean I know guys who aren't happy digging for answers until they know exactly when and where, times, names, what was done, sexual positions, and how big the their penises were. And when they find that out they they mope around because they can't compete..... As if it were a competition:rolleyes:

Unless you're marrying a complete virgin you can pretty much bet on her going through an experimental phase with men and/or women. She may have enjoyed some of the sexual things she did and she may not have. There may be some things she may have done with another man and/or woman, during her experimental days, that she's not likely to do with you.

You have to take accountability for the risk factor involved here and realize that there are some things a wife will not do in marriage because those things may jeopardize the relationship. Things like threesomes and orgies that will shake your relationship's stability. And things like anal sex which take a high level of comfort and trust for her to do that she may have had a terrible painful experience with.

There's a reason your wife is married you and still with you to this day. Now you can whine and b!tch and cry about the sex you're not getting that she gave to an ex, possibly ruining your relationship with her in the process, or you can be happy with what you do have and that is a wife who loves you and trusts you enough to tell you about her past. Don't make a big deal out of this. Part of being in a healthy relationship is not looking for stupid things to complain about.
 
#28 ·
I might have an answer to that,

Been married 20+ years, but have an agreement with my husband where I date other men, not exacly an open marriage.

But between one guy and another, I do sometimes want to do things with one guy but have no interest in others, its little things that make me feel that way but its not past experiences, its other factors beyond my control
 
#30 ·
Bottom line, many women seen to think its fine to put 110% effort into bad boy losers, but once they find a guy who will treat them well and be loyal, they drop it down to the bare minimum, while the sisterhood cheers them on with you-go-girl and cries of don't let your man control you.

I'm starting to think that if you want long term good sex, single is the place to be.
 
#31 ·
I've done things in my past that were due to me being at the lowest point of my life. I will not return to that as the memories are too painful and a reminder of how far I allowed myself to be treated.
This isn't some hurrah for the sisterhood, this is my boundary being enforced.
Crap realized this is a zombie thread and on tapatalk and can't delete. :what:
 
#32 ·
I've done things in my past that were due to me being at the lowest point of my life. I will not return to that as the memories are too painful and a reminder of how far I allowed myself to be treated.
This isn't some hurrah for the sisterhood, this is my boundary being enforced.
I don't have a problem when the past things were things you regret agreeing to.

The problem comes when you happily would do it for some old bf, but for the guy who committed to you, you beg off because you just don't feel it.

Far too many women see sex with their husbands as an obligation, yet when they were dating they eagerly went at it. If they are do unattached to their husband, why not free him to find someone who does value him?
 
#33 ·
What I want DW to do for me that she did with past lover was to initiate sex and take control sometimes. In our 6 years marriage she never initiate once and never took control. I wasn't asking for anal or threesome or somethings like that. Most woman will do almost anything with the past BF they fell in love with, but wouldn't do it with their husband that they said they loved.
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