I told my story on another thread. Briefly, I am the HD in the all too common HD/LD mismatch. Married 26 years. My frustration surfaced 5 months ago. Had the "talk" with my wife. Overwhelmed her with my revelation. Demanded some change. Learned a lot about sex. Came to understand that she does not need sex like I do. Understand that she does not desire me. That physical appearance is not important to her as it is to me.
Over the past 5 months, I progressed from
I THOUGHT I wanted sex more often. We had it a little more often. That didn't satisfy me.
I THOUGHT it was because it wasn't sexy; it was stale. We bought a toy. That didn't satisfy me.
I THOUGHT it was because she didn't desire sex. I asked her to consider this and look into how to improve her mood, decrease her stress, increase her libido. She was prescribed an SSRI. She took it one week and stopped. Still not satisfied.
I now THINK that I don't DESIRE HER. I am realizing through all of this that I don't find her attractive. I no longer crave to have sex with her. I do so because it is my only option. But, I am obsessed with the idea of having sex with someone who does crave sex.
I wonder if before we had the talk, when I was routinely rejected 29 out of 30 days, if I craved her more because I knew it was a rare event.
What can I do to try to become "Shallow Hal" and convince myself that she is desirable?
(From what I am learning on these boards, the alternatives to that are far more devastating, life changing and hurtful to more than me).
Over the past 5 months, I progressed from
I THOUGHT I wanted sex more often. We had it a little more often. That didn't satisfy me.
I THOUGHT it was because it wasn't sexy; it was stale. We bought a toy. That didn't satisfy me.
I THOUGHT it was because she didn't desire sex. I asked her to consider this and look into how to improve her mood, decrease her stress, increase her libido. She was prescribed an SSRI. She took it one week and stopped. Still not satisfied.
I now THINK that I don't DESIRE HER. I am realizing through all of this that I don't find her attractive. I no longer crave to have sex with her. I do so because it is my only option. But, I am obsessed with the idea of having sex with someone who does crave sex.
I wonder if before we had the talk, when I was routinely rejected 29 out of 30 days, if I craved her more because I knew it was a rare event.
What can I do to try to become "Shallow Hal" and convince myself that she is desirable?
(From what I am learning on these boards, the alternatives to that are far more devastating, life changing and hurtful to more than me).