Longy

OK here goes...
We have been married for 5 years now and have two gorgeous little boys (2 and 4 yrs old). I worked shifts for past 5 years as it seemed to work in better with time off and all. All was sweet up until November last year when i came home from nightshift and found her mobile beside the kettle...so i had a glance and there was some texts to a lad who is "just a friend" who had been round that night but the texts never suggested anything happened. i stormed up the stairs and said to wifey " what the hell is this?" she said she had been stupid and assured me nothing happened and i do believe her. following on from that we had some deep discussions and things got better...our sex life picked up for a few months until say about january 2011, i think sex life picked up due to the fact i said if something did happen with him i would leave..no question...and that frightened her!!.
Since January we have had proper sex about twice but if im honest sex is not the main issue here, i changed job in march and now work 8-5 mon-fri and things seemed steadier but she doesnt seem happy. We sleep in seperate beds due to the youngest boy not sleeping very well and this has been the case for the past year or so and i think this has took away the only closeness we had!!!
I have asked her on several occasions about whats going through her head and she says she just doesnt feel like sex just now. I am getting really concerned as she shows no love towards me, never cuddles or touches or even kisses me and hasnt done for long enough.
We have just passed out 5th wedding anniversary, i got her a lovely bunch of flowers, a card, chocolates and a bottle of wine....what did i get...well she dashed out to get me a card on the day!.
I feel like our relationship is dead in the water...please help!!

Longy
x

Laurae1967

It sounds like your wife was having an emotional affair and now maybe she's daydreaming about him or someone else. This is a form of escapism and it is harmful to your marriage. She is not focusing on the marriage because she is still infatuated with this other guy and how he made her feel. It is very typical for a cheater to tell their spouse "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" because all of their emotional energy has been focused on their affair partner.

I would talk to your wife more about her emotional affair and try to figure out what happened with this other guy. She may say nothing happened, but cheaters lie all the time. I would also tell her that you are not happy and let her know what your expectations are regarding what she needs to do to hold up her end of the marriage.

She has to figure out why she allowed herself to get involved with another man (low self esteem, boredome, unhealthy attitudes about relationships, etc.) and work on fixing those issues so she can be a good wife to you and a happy person in general (without having the go outside the marriage to feel good). Good luck!

BigBadWolf

Get rid of your woman's "just friends" man/men. Fact of the matter, this is universal advice to all men.

Stop begging or arguing for sex.

Unnerstand this, make it clear in your actions, appearance, behavior, and ATTITUDE you will be just as happy and succesful as a good man without her as with her.

A woman, she is not impressed by ANY man that considers himself lucky to be with her. Consider instead she is the one in good position to be with such a good man as yourself.

Knock off the gift giving in general. Appreciate her giving you gifts or doing things for you, and if necessary, deliberately withold the usual compliments, "I love you's", "you look pretty's", until there is some reciprication beforehand.

(This may sound like a game, but REAL damage is being done to relationships when a man has the attitude he needs to bribe his woman, or worse, reward bad behavior as in this post.

Hypergamy is at the core of a woman's sexual attraction to a man.

At the THe core!!!

So good men reading this who are in shaky relationships, have GOT to get this in their actions and behaviors!)

Get the child out of the marriage bed, now.

"I don't feel like sex" = "I don't feel like sex WITH YOU".

Work on your attraction.

Read this:

The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference

I wish you well.

__________________
Decide what to be, and go be it. -Avett Brothers.

sinnister

I have no real advice for you. Your story sounds almost exactly like mine save for the man. My wife constantly texts but there is no man. It's always female friends. We also have a young child. We've gone a heck of a whole lot longer without sex though. I don't know how to improve your situation but if you figure it out please let me know how you did it.

Longy

Cheers for the reply, you have interpereted my post well and i think you are probably 90% correct in your assumptions.

Thankyou

Longy

dannyboyk

Longy:

Women don't love men the way men love women. Women simply use sex and pretend until they are in a position to get resources.

You have been married for 5 years and have two kids. You are on the hook now for alimony and child support. This is what she wanted. She got it. Why should she care about you or your feelings?

Know your own role. You are her slave. There is no way out.

Please warn other young men, to save them from the fate of marriage.

Best to you, Dan

PBear

Dan,

You're full of resentment and hurt, in my humble opinion. If nothing else, use a disclaimer like "In my experience...". Not all women are like that. Some (many?) women like sex for the same reasons as some (many?) men... Because it draws them closer to their spouse, and it feels so darn good.

Just a question of finding the right partner.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

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PHTlump

I suggest you check out Married Man Sex Life and buy Athol's book. The tips there have helped many guys in similar situations.