wife and her vibrator
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » wife and her vibrator

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree40Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-12-2011, 07:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 12
Default wife and her vibrator

My wife loves her vibrator...just not when I'm in the room.

We've been married 18 years and she's had one the entire marriage. I have no problem with her getting herself off every now and then. However, she's never used it when I'm present. I've always liked the idea of watching a woman masturbate, or knowing she's making herself orgasm while I'm holding her.

What bothers me tremendously is that she'll use it when I'm outside, in my home office or getting the kids ready for school while she's in the bathroom. Often, we are the only ones home.

I feel like she's cheating on me in a way. However, am I just as guilty for "spying" on her? I check regularly to see if she's used it.

I brought it up once. She said it's just a release or a way to get ready for a stressful day, or something to that effect. And that she liked the "real thing" when we have sex.

The whole idea, at least in my mind when we bought it (together, by the way), was that it would at least occasionally be an addition or variation to our sex life. Frequency is decent, but basically, our sex life is pretty vanilla. She won't touch herself, let alone break out the vibe, although she has no problem having an orgasm.

Should I care? Should I just be happy she likes sex, even though it's not what I would call anything other than average?
fish is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-12-2011, 08:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 271
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

How is your technique? How does she respond to you during sexual encounters? Is she laying there letting it happen or is she a vocal and active participant? Do you get bj's? How often do ya'll have sex? How often would you like to have sex?

One thing I will say is that you need to stop checking to see if she has used her vibe. That is not attractive.

Sorry for so many questions, but I don't think the vibe is the real problem. If you were getting the sex you wanted you wouldn't give a rip.
notaname is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 08:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 364
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable doing it in front of you.
BigToe is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 09:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 9,212
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

It's just a toy, nothing on the box says "supervion required".

Be happy she like sex, and keep communicating, and continue to make an effort in "mixing it up".

What are her fantisies, have you asked? Maybe some role play, Its is really important that both needs are met when it comes to things of this nature. Thats someting you may want to bring up.
the guy is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 09:39 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 586
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

I wouldnt sweat it. Sounds like she uses it just for thew quick O, nothing special. But you should let your intentions known, that you'd like her to bring it out when the two of you are together to spice things up. Maybe you could suprise her one day by using it on her.
SockPuppet is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 10:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,984
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

I don't think you should bring it up again. I am assuming that you asked her to use while you were together and she said no? Did she say why?

I consider a vibrator a private activity when my husband is not around. I would feel uncomfortable using it when I am with him. It seems such a waste to use a mechanical thing when the real deal is right there. I also feel uncomfortable if I feel I have to put on a show - ei masturbating while we are together.

Some women are not exhibitionist and don't like putting on a show, they may feel like a performance and not having sex with their partner. be careful about checking out the vibrator use. It is mire honest and forthright to just ask, sneaking around is kind of creepy. Try to keep it all on the table in plain view, no secrets no spying. You will have a better relationship more open relationship with less frustration because you say what is on your mind.

What other things have you tried to introduce and what was her reaction. Is she comfortable talking about sex and what she likes and does not like?
Posted via Mobile Device
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 10:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 11
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Here's my two cents...I think women have a different i.e. better kind of a orgasm(s) when there are by themselves. Correct me if I'm wrong here women.

thunder65
thunder65 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 11:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
2nd_t!me iz_best's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Off to Never Never Land
Posts: 4,280
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

oh now, i say bs to this so far...
i LOVE to watch my fiancee masturbate and if she used a vibrator i would definitely want to use it in our fun time.
if she was too uncomfortable i would not pressure her too much but i would want to try and work with her to make her feel better and more comfortable in doing this with me at some point in the fairly near future.
maybe if you work with her to build her self esteem and self image enough she may eventually be willing to at least give it a try sometime.

if a woman will use a vibrator but will not have sex with you then she has replaced you and definitely is not thinking about you while pleasing herself.
she is thinking about other situations or someone else.
2nd_t!me iz_best is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-12-2011, 11:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,528
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

I love watching my GF with her toy(s), and I love using them on her. In fact, all her favorite ones are now over at my place, as she prefers to use them with me rather than on her own. She often doesn't have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so having something to provide that while I'm inside her does the trick. I don't consider it cheating if she uses them without me, any more than it would be cheating if she was to masturbate without me.

At the same time, so long as it's not interfering with your sex life, I'd mention that you'd love to see her or to use the toys on her, but then leave it alone. MAYBE raise it again if you get her a little tipsy and horny...

C
PBear is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 04:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 797
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Your wife told you why she uses the vib - for a quick O and stress release. She also told you she likes it better with you. Masturbation with a vibrator is not cheating!

I use a vibrator sometimes when I'm alone, but I prefer sex with my husband much more than using a vibe. And my orgasms are WAY more intense and fulfilling when I'm having sex with my husband.

A vibrator provides intense clitoral stimulation that makes you orgasm faster, but in my experience with 5 different vibrators over the years, they don't produce the same high quality, intense orgasm I get with real sex. It's more of a quick release....just like your wife said.

Ask her if she will use the vibe with you because it will turn you on. Tell her that you want to explore more daring stuff in bed with her and see what she says. Share one of your fantasies with her and see how she responds. And if she says that she's too embarrassed, ask her what you can do to help her feel more comfortable about opening up more sexually with you. Most times, women are inhibited in the bedroom for fear they will look or act stupid, or have been raised to believe that free sexual expression is wrong or dirty. But if she feels like she will not be judged by you she may open up more.

Stop checking her vibe, also, and acting intimidated by it. 99% of the women I know would rather have real sex than use a vibe. And the 1% of women who would rather use a vibe have a husband with bad technique!
Laurae1967 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 06:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Homemaker_Numero_Uno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3,863
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Get a different toy to use if you want a toy in the bedroom (or wherever).
No rule says you can't buy something too and introduce it (tactfully).
Homemaker_Numero_Uno is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 08:21 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,961
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

the responces here seem too be a double standard!

Are you satisified with the frequency of your sex life now?
if so don't worry about it. if not the thats the same as a man using porn and advoiding sex with their wife.


somethings is a miss here.next time you have sex just grab her vib a say were going to experiment some tonight .if she balks just say hey if I can't have FUN loving sex with my wife WHO can I have it with.be play full and reasure her by saying knowing she uses it on her own make her even more sexy and you would like to be part of it .
chillymorn is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 09:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,528
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
the responces here seem too be a double standard!

Are you satisified with the frequency of your sex life now?
if so don't worry about it. if not the thats the same as a man using porn and advoiding sex with their wife.


somethings is a miss here.next time you have sex just grab her vib a say were going to experiment some tonight .if she balks just say hey if I can't have FUN loving sex with my wife WHO can I have it with.be play full and reasure her by saying knowing she uses it on her own make her even more sexy and you would like to be part of it .
How are the responses a double standard?

C
PBear is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 10:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 56
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Quote:
Originally Posted by PBear View Post
How are the responses a double standard?
In some threads men are rebuked for masturbating when their wives are available. If she is pleasuring herself when her husband is available (as he notes, she's done it when he is home) then she should be rebuked as well, no?

-e.p.
e.p. is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-13-2011, 10:39 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Enchantment's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,350
Default Re: wife and her vibrator

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
somethings is a miss here.next time you have sex just grab her vib a say were going to experiment some tonight .if she balks just say hey if I can't have FUN loving sex with my wife WHO can I have it with.be play full and reasure her by saying knowing she uses it on her own make her even more sexy and you would like to be part of it .
I would be a bit careful with the above. If one partner balks at engaging in something, they should not be pushed or coerced in to it.

@OP: I would have a frank discussion with your wife about what it is you really are wanting - more sex? more variety? her using her vibe makes you feel inadequate/jealous? makes you feel extraneous? whatever it is. Then listen to what she says and respect that. If she is uncomfortable having you participate with her in that manner, then respect that. If you are uncomfortable having her doing it during times that you are blatantly aware of it, then she should respect that. And you should each respect each partner's privacy. No one should be snooping around on the other.

I think that everyone is entitled to some time to "do their own thing". As long as they aren't doing their own thing to the exclusion of everything else.
__________________
Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith
Enchantment is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Vibrator help ZkPl7 Sex in Marriage 7 07-29-2012 04:57 PM
Wife and Her Vibrator 2 SadSamIAm Sex in Marriage 20 02-20-2012 12:26 PM
My wife orgasms only with Vibrator hattyhatty Sex in Marriage 3 12-07-2011 12:42 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:06 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.