Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-14-2011, 07:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

Hello,
This is my first time on this forum so please take it easy with me (and sorry if the story is long).

Iím a 33 year old healthy guy, not too good looking but not too bad as well, have a good job, have a mortgage on my house (that I like), have an ok car and the motorcycle of my dreams. I have a young 2.5 years old son with my 31 y.o. wife (whom Iíve been together for 4 years).

So life is pretty stable, but Iím really sad at the moment because Iím seeing no hope to a better future on our marriage because our poor sexual connection. We have bad frequency of sex (once a week is not good enough, sorry as I know most women will say Iím BS, but my opinion stands that when things are good thereís space for more), we have completely different desires, what turns her on is not what turns me on and vice versa and we donít associate sex as good thing in our relationship anymore.

I have a different taste for sex than the majority of people. Iím a foot fetishist that likes light domination, I donít like physical pain, but I do like to feel inferior to a womanÖ that simply turns me on. I like to feel that the woman owns me and that I am her slave to serve her and worship her. And to be completely honest with you I talk about this with no one, as I really feel that the majority of women find this very unattractive (the submissive man thing, not the foot fetish as some do enjoy). She in the other hand, like a normal person, likes a ďrealĒ man in bed, a dominant (not excessive) man that have good hard sex with her. So she does things for me some rare times but her heart is not in it because she doesnít like it (and I canít be mad at someone because they donít like something, I canít force my wife to enjoy what I enjoy), therefore itís a turn off for me, since part of my turn on is that the other person is also having pleasure on performing the ďQueenĒ role while Iím her ďSlaveĒ.

You see, I donít want to be unfair, she like different things and I know that emotionally she is also not satisfied because she wanted to have normal sex. I know Iím not making her very happy because of this. And I do feel bad about it. However sex is not so important to her as it is to me. She have other priorities on life, like our son, friends, family, etc. Which is fine and normalÖ and maybe Iím just the strange person.

I love my wife. I think sheís beautiful and extremely sexy and I enjoy all the time I spend with her. We get along in all things in life, we do form a great team and our family is really blessed. And the conclusion that I get down to is that I was just not born to be happy, because even if this marriage ends, I know that I will not find the woman Iím looking for. She just doesnít exist, but at the same time I find it very very hard to just accept the way things are. Iím just not sexually happy.


Any thoughts?
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Old 06-14-2011, 09:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

Sexual incompatibility eh =/

This is quite interesting... you do know that many women do like both yes? I also found that the more dominant you are, it seems to build a fetish for the woman to 'take you over' so to speak. Which is rather scary at times, because some women (including the missus) mentioned a fantasy of me bending over - with her armed with a strap-on. In which I was like "HELL NO!"

I'm normally very aggressive and dominant, and also quite physical. I love to wrestle and fight and have nails, hands, and teeth involved in lovemaking - bloodplay! (Which unfortunately even to this day the missus doesn't really like all of it - she mostly likes the aggressive part)

So one night I could be ramming her against the wall biting down on her shoulder/necl and her nails down my back or in the morning she'll wrap her legs around me pulling me back to bed to do the morning milking. So put it this way mate; sometimes you just have to give to receive, now I don't know your missus, but this is just from personal experience.
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Old 06-14-2011, 09:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

I honestly believe that finding a woman with the same kink as you wouldn't be that difficult. Theres plenty of websites that can help you with that. Your problem was that you didn't realize (or possibly admit) that your particular kink was as important to you as it apparently is.

I'm not advocating leaving your wife for the promise of a better sex life. There's no guarantees in life, and you've got your son to think of too. I'm just saying that your impossible isn't necessarily. I was you, I'd think of trying counselling first. On your own or with your wife. See if you can make sense of WHY you want to be dominated. If that doesn't work, do some heavy thinking about whether you (and your wife) can be happy as things are. If not, consider parting ways while you're still friends. It will be much easier on your son, I'd say.

I guess I see this the same as someone who realizes they lean heavily to the gay spectrum of bi-sexuality. Yeah, you can get your rocks off with your partner. But in the end, you'll likely end up as, at best, friends.

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Old 06-15-2011, 01:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

Thanks for the support guys.

I'd really wanted to see a therapist to try and work things our before we split. But when we actually saw a therapist she started to talk about family tree... what??? Common, my problem is sex... and I come here to see if we can find a last resource to stay together.

Because honestly the only thing that keeps us together is our son.. because we love him very much and want him to recieve all the love that parents can give him... but another day I caught myself telling him "get used to it mate... life's pretty crap".

I can't pass this message to my son... I should be happy and have positive goals in life and have faith that things can get better, but all I can think of is how bad things are and how my life is not worth living because of my sadness.

Really don't know what to do here.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

My husband and I met in the fetish scene. We're both somewhat switch. Maybe you could discuss that possibility with your wife.

Reality is, sometimes two submissives meet and fall in love. They both desire from the other something they are not inclined to give themselves. It sounds like that's what happened here.

But all hope is not lost. If you can both acknowledge this and accept it, then you can start working out a solution. Make an agreement to take turns, one night to the next.

Remember that as much as you want your wife to dominate you, she wants you to dominate her (from what you say). So you must be willing to do this for her if you have any reasonable expectation for her to do it for you.
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fetishes = Bad sexual life in Marriage???

Okay, let's not throw out confusing identifiers as "normal".... I, like a majority of males have a foot fetish....

Now, my only advice would be to discuss it... Maybe in trade off...
But keeping it light... Cause it really sounds like, you both want to let the other take total control.... So try example...
She dominate you, and the next time is payback (in a playful way)... Besides, I think when two people are hot for eachother they are willing to accept their partners fetishes.... So if you build up hers, you grow to accept it a little more each time, thus she for you...
Now I don't know if it's you talking when you say "normal"... It shows a lack of confidence.... Are forth with it... I mean not just mention in passing, but full on told her.... Maybe she's more afraid to have that much control...
There can exist both worlds if you allow it... Talk and find your middle ground...
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