I think it's important to note that marriedguy and his wife are fairly young marrieds who were each other's first partners, correct? In this case, it's unlikely each would have an idea of what to expect sexually. That is why I think you have to look at your married life as a journey.
PBear, I don't know your particular story, but thinking back over your marriage, do you think there were different roads you could have travelled with your wife that may have made a difference?
In otherwords, don't expect that you will find someone day one to fulfill all of your wants, needs, and desires - even if you know what some of those are. It is about the journey and growing together.
Oh, I'm sure there's things I could have done differently. I'd start be not marrying the first person I slept with. And I'm serious about that, not trying to be hurtful to my wife or anything. But having some sexual experience and confidence going into the relationship would have been a big plus.
Other than that, I really don't know what I should have done differently. At some point, people have to take responsibility for their own sexuality. If they won't, it will be very difficult for a spouse, especially for sn inexperienced spouse, to draw them out. As you said, don't expect to find someone who's perfect for you. But you will hopefully be able to find someone who can at least attempt to make that journey with you, rather than remain firmly entrenched in their current situation.
My story, btw... Wife was my first sexual partner, I was her second. I was 23 when we met, she was 20. Married 2 years later, together till this last Feb (17 years). The intimacy was a definite contributor to the breakdown, but more importantly was her refusal to make a reasonable effort at ANY issues, including things that she saw as issues but I was fine with (i.e. her weight). She wouldn't make changes on her own, she wouldn't seek help for them, she wouldn't let me help.
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