WeeDo

When I was first married, our sex life was great. We didn't have sex too little, or too much. I've always been able to climax with my husband, even before we were married. But now it seems like something has changed. Sex has become something I hardly look forward to. I want him, but I feel like he doesn't want me. And believe me, its not for lack of trying. I try to be more forthcoming of what I want and he says I ask for sex too much. And on the other hand, I don't ask for it at all and he doesn't even seem bother. When we do finally get toward the act of having sex, he seems to only be into the sex and rarely give me what I need for stimulation.. Or for that matter, any sort of pleasure. Yes he turns me on, and I have no desire to leave him or find someone else, but the longer this continues I become more frustrated. The sex that we have is rushed and to the point, never more than 10 minutes including foreplay and cuddling afterward. Every time he finishes (though, rarely by my doing), but I'm left wanting more. And he seems not the least bit worried about whether I've actually reached climax or not. What do I do? How can I talk to my husband about this? Or is it me that needs to make changes?
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Married&Confused

make sure he takes care of you, either orally or manually, before he takes care of himself.

change positions frequently to create breaks in the action to extend the time together.

be vocal about what you want, what you want him to do, where you want his hands, his mouth, etc

Runs like Dog

Does he really say you ask too much or is that your interpretation?

Enchantment

Some other information might be helpful - such as what are your ages, do you have any kids?

What else is going on in your lives right now? Does your husband watch a lot of porn and masturbate often thereby depriving you of some of his attentions?

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

WeeDo

Thanks so much for your responses, and I'll do my best to answer your question. I am 22 and my husband is 28. I have one son from a previous relationship, he has none. And yes, he's actually told me I ask too often. He never watches porn and in the entire time we've been together he's never even attempted to masturbate, as far as I know. He also refuses to pleasure me orally, however expects me to do it for him. And when he tries to pleasure me manually, he stops after a short time.

Runs like Dog

Ok so don't ask. Just start kissing him and touching him. Then what happens?

Enchantment

So, does he have a history of a bunch of short-term relationships in his past? Was he a 'player' in a previous life?

He says you actually initiate too much, huh? How do you go about doing that - subtly or blatantly? Does he respond better if you are more subtle - such as discretely making yourself attractive and available? Like displaying little tempting morsels of cleavage, legs, etc. - not overtly, but during the normal course of your day?

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

WeeDo

Most of the time, nothing. He just pecks me back, never make out with anymore. and wants to lay together. He works a very intense assembly job, so I know he's tired. And most nights I try not to bother him, but its like he just wants to have sex and be done with it.

WeeDo

My husband has always been that nerdy guy, he was never much of a player. And when it comes to initiating sex, I try to do it both ways. I try to hint at him throughout the day, and he just laughs it off. I try to tell him straight out, and he says I'm forceful and demanding.

Runs like Dog

Everybody's tired, hon. Me, you and the galley slaves. I don't know or really want to know what your sexual dynamic is like, but if you took a very dominant role, what would happen. What would happen if you just kept at him and didn't let him get away with 'I'm tired'. He wants to be a bottom? Ok, tie him up and ball gag him and tease him until he can't come any more. Then push him off the bed with your foot and tell him to get you a beer.

Or something like that.

Runs like Dog

Ignore what he says, push him down and mount him.

Prometheus Pyrphoros

So sex went from great to bad in one year. What else has changed in that one year? Maybe the problem lies there?

__________________
Gloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis

WeeDo

A lot has changed, we separated for a total of 2 months. After which we had to downsize from our large apartment to a much smaller one.During our separation, I did sleep with someone else. He knows all of this, and swears he wants to work past it. but I know he hasn't forgotten yet. it wasn't soon after that this whole mess started. I took it upon myself to make sure he was sexually satisfied, and let my needs go to the way side. Now its like my needs don't matter.

I just wish I knew how to talk to him about it.

Runs like Dog

So he's furious with you and wants you to suffer. What's your real question?

Enchantment

Well, WeeDo, I think you have given the answer as to why he hasn't been so receptive - he hasn't forgotten about your dalliance. imho, if you guys want to work past this, you may need some outside help to do so, as it looks like you are truly spinning your wheels. Are you two receptive to going to marriage counseling together?

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith