I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-25-2011, 09:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

Before you all start judging me here me out....its not every day that i like to have rough sex - if anything, i enjoy being intimate with my Mrs and take my time with her but its like maybe 3-4 times in a year (that rare) when i just want to play rough...a little rough she doesn't mind but she says i over do it and i dont think or realise that i do...I have been happily married for 8 yrs and am literally obsessed about Mrs. I fear that this need of playing rough may effect my marriage but its something i feel i cant live without either. My question is, is this normal? do other men go through this? And for women, Do you think its unfair for me to ask for it even though i know she doesnt like it, atleast not to the "hurt" i like.
My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her.
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Old 06-25-2011, 10:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

I totally understand what you’re going through. My husband also likes it rough, but even though I would rather go slower he really enjoys it so I don’t tell him to stop. I think your wife is a little selfish and she should be more willing to let you get sexual satisfaction. I’m sure you do things that you don’t particularly like because she likes it. She should be willing to do the same for you.
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Old 06-25-2011, 10:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

you shouldn't be doing more than what your wife is comfortable with.
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Old 06-25-2011, 10:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

You two should talk about what is acceptable, and what is not. Then both abide by what has been agreed upon.

Normal? I don't know. I like to hurt my husband, and he likes to hurt me. But we are in agreement. I would not ever do anything that he objects to.

We have a key word. If one of us wants the other to stop, we say the word, and what we are doing is immediately stopped.
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

Is this something you have always done or just started recently? Have you watched porn movies where they are rough and you like it so you got the idea from there, thinking your wife might like it?
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

I dont know if this post is real or not but I'll bite. I kind of doubt it - what are the odds that one of the 1000 or so men in the world that who think like this would actually find TAM. anywhoooo

I won't harass your azzz, I'll ask some questions about why you think you are justified in using your wife like she is a mindless sex doll to play out your all of your fantasies. I want to know because I want to make sure that my husband gets his entitlements husband is entitled; if any man is entitled, my man is so help me out.

First, where did this idea that your wife had to compensate you for gracing her with your presence and sexual prowress? Do you think she has the right of consent for any of these fantasies of yours? Did she know she marrying a sadist? with these types of fetishes it is customary to gain consent before the marriage so that your partner knows how she will be used by you.

How long do you think it will take before she to stops giving you the sex you think you are entitled to because she thinks she is entitled to have control over her body and does care to have sadistic sex? When she gets feed up with selfish sex and has an affair with someone who offers he intimacy and emotional connection to meet her needs, what will you do.

When you find yourself single again and are asserting you god-given right to have a variety of sexual parter's, how long before you get arrested for sexual assault because some woman thinks she is entitled to consent to being hurt? When convicted, do you think your cellmate is entitled to be compensated by you for not having the female companionship? How long will it take you to look back and appreciate your wife and realize she is nit a sex doll for your use?

Thanks for the info.
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Last edited by Catherine602; 06-25-2011 at 11:33 PM.
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

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Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
I won't harass your azzz, I'll ask some questions about why you think you are justified in using your wife like she is a mindless sex doll to play out your all of your fantasies. I want to know because I want to make sure that my husband gets his entitlements husband is entitled; if any man is entitled, my man is so help me out.

First, where did this idea that your wife had to compensate you for gracing her with your presence and sexual prowress? Do you think she has the right of consent for any of these fantasies of yours? Did she know she marrying a sadist? with these types of fetishes it is customary to gain consent before the marriage so that your partner knows how she will be used by you.

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I think you’re being a little harsh on him. He asked not be judged for his post. He also said that he doesn’t want it all the time, just a couple of times a year. I don’t think that he thinks of his wife as a sex doll. It’s also only one fantasy, not a whole slew of ways for him to torture his wife.

Last edited by xalenfairbanks; 06-25-2011 at 11:46 PM.
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Old 06-26-2011, 01:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

You think having unwanted painful sex is not objectifying women? Do you think that if he had any empathy and saw her as a person with feeling like his own he would hurt her? I think it is not only objectification but sadistic. A judgement is an unfair acusation. I called it how i saw it - it is desturbing and i will voice mu opion as i see it.

In fact i gave him fair warning - she can stop having sex with him if she cant trust him and if he keeps this up, thats what he will probably get. That not a judgement that is good advice. He asked if it was normal but at the end answered his question by declaring his right to use his wife any way his fantasy took him because he was stuck with her.

His wife got married expecting mutually satifying sex that respectful of her as a human.. It he is using her for his sexual fantasies then he should be honest and let her know that he has no intensions of honoring her wishes about his fantasies shr needs to do them no matter how painful or degrading they are.. Do you think he has discussed with his wife about her debt to him. I'll bet he has not because he knows she would tell him to shove it. So it is a hidden agenda that never works in marriage .


***** @@@@@@ EDIT sorry ladies and gents I assumed wrongly that the poster just above was male she is not. OK I am a sexist, funny how prejudices are there even when you know intellectually that it is wrong :{ ****** @@@@@@@




Let me give you this scenario tell me what you think since you are so supportive of a persons right to act out fantasies -.your partner likes to scape your junk with her teeth just a couple of times a year. You told her that it hurts and you don't want it. She does it anyway but only a few times a year. Not so bad right. You would probably be angry with her and feel ill used. You did not sign up to have your manhood treated like an ear of corn.

What do you think?? Should she have her fantasy or maybe only men can do things without consent as long as it is only a few times a year.
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Last edited by Catherine602; 06-26-2011 at 08:58 AM.
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Old 06-26-2011, 02:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

@ Catherine602 - As you said so your self its your opinion...therefore my last comment was my opinion of how i justify it....wrong, maybe but nevertheless my opinion. If i knew what i was doing is right than wouldnt have actually asked the question in this forum in the first place.... If you have read my comments correctly, its not that she does not enjoy it, its how far i push it and frankly i dont know how far is FAR....Btw, you last scenario is awesome...dont think i would complain too much if my manhood was treated like an ear of corn...
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Old 06-26-2011, 05:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

Every marriage has areas where interests and limits intersect and where they don't. You need to compromise on this or forget about it. Perhaps she doesn't want real pain but perhaps she would be ok with 'aggressive' rough sex that doesn't involve her having to endure pain. You seem to indicate that you want more 'hurt' (not sure exactly what that means) but that she's ok with some rough play. You need to figure out how you can get what you need within her limits.

You also need to be careful not to push this too much. Women hate when men bug them about this kind of thing and she'll get really turned off to you.
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

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Originally Posted by devilzme View Post
My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her.
So, what happens when your fantasies begin to include another woman? A man? Or maybe bleeding? Or asphixiation?

You say that she enjoys it as long as you don't go too far, but then you say that she tells you that you are going too far. Do you know what this sounds like to a fair minded person? It sounds like it is entirely possible that you are abusing her and she is only enduring this to keep the peace in the relationship.

When you are intending to cause physical pain to another person, and that person is physically weaker than you, it is important to enter this in a way that causes zero pressure to the other person. Believe it or not, it is narcissistic to think that you are entitled to live out every fantasy that your mind can conjure. If she does not enjoy it, then it becomes abuse. Once you put her under the pressure of physical abuse, then it is nearly impossible to find out where her threshold truly is because of her own fear.

There is one aspect where you are making yourself vulnerable that you apparently haven't considered. At any time, she can pick up the phone and legally call you an abuser. When you try to tell a lawyer that you have a right to live out your fantasies, they will remind you that you are living in the real world.

I'd suggest that you spend some time focused completely on her fantasies. Make her know that you love her in a giving sort of way. Then, if she begins to ask for a little pain, you can let her tell you how much is enough. In marriages that aren't dominated by one person's fantasies, this is called mutual respect.
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

Good handle; you got some demons in your head. Most men would kill their wife before they systematically hurt them....just sayin.
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Old 06-26-2011, 08:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

@ devil what did your wife say when you share these views with her? "My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her." Let me guess, she has no idea that she is expected to act out all of your fantasies wheather she is interested or not. I'll bet you know better than to reveal how truly selfish you are. You should tell her. She may feel that she has sacrificed her freedom to enjoy other men to be with you.

Those other men may become more appealing if she feels she has made a bad decision in unknowingly selecting a sadistic man. Just saying....
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:20 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Is this something you have always done or just started recently? Have you watched porn movies where they are rough and you like it so you got the idea from there, thinking your wife might like it?
I was wondering this too!
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?

We all have fantasies we may want to play out but can't. That only happens in porn. You and your wife HAVE to establish what is comfortable for her but can satisfy you too. Maybe you want to whip but she will accept light spanking, maybe you want anal but she will accept a lubed finger, etc...etc... just don't ruin a great thing. There are a lot of people on here just wanting regular sex from their spouse.
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