What sort of compromise did you find that worked well? I'd be thrilled to find one.
So, how willing are you to push the envelope?
And, how willing is your wife to work with you?
In my relationship (now married 23 years) around year 3 - 4, I had had it. My H was obviously the very hot (overheated, imo) partner while I was the cooler one. It basically had to get to the point where I had one foot out the door and had to drop the bomb in order to get him to come around.
After that, he voluntarily 'cooled off' (too bad we didn't have a place like TAM and MEM's thermostat thread then.) He totally changed his tactics, and I totally responded, but it did take time. Instead of groping me constantly, he quit cold turkey. For a period of time (I don't even remember how long now), he did very little physical touch, then started to add very subtle touches and flirting. He continues to do that to this day. Initially, he was a little hesitant and cautious gauging my reactions, now he does it with utter confidence.
We did compromise on frequency of sex. He knew that I could not 'meet his demand'. He actually has the kind of personality that is more happy go lucky. Kinda like a happy puppy that you can kick away and that keeps coming back just as happy. That's just the way he is. He never seemed to get resentful. In later years, when we would talk about our early years together I asked him if he ever got pissed off about the differences in our drives and he told me no! He told me that he knew I was way different than him and that I tried very hard and figured if he didn't keep trying he wouldn't get anything - sex or love. So, he had apparently accepted me a lot sooner than I had him.
I wrote in someone else's thread yesterday, that one thing he did was try and rope me in to his sexual vibe. Admittedly, he was having to masturbate a lot more than I, so he asked (yes, actually asked in words) me if I would participate with him - no pressure, just lay beside him and hold him while he "did it". Uh huh, yeah - the way he would ask and do those things I can't even explain in words - but looking back at all of it, I just want to kick myself because I was a selfish stupid ninny. However, I did agree (I almost always agreed to whatever he wanted to do) and well, we just took everything step by step.
For me as the wife, the key was just being willing. Being willing to understand him, work with him, and if need be to sometimes sacrifice for him. I know we talk about compromise a lot, but sometimes one or the other partner has to also be willing to give up something. Sometimes the things we are willing to forego come back to us and we are rewarded many times over. I know that my husband has also had the same willingness. We still have to work on things - nothing just coasts along. The last two years I have had a lot of crummy health issues and once again we have had to re-balance. It's a continual process.
I hope that your wife would be willing to work with you. You seem like a great guy who cares deeply for her and is very committed. I hope that she is willing to show her commitment to you as well. How to Compromise With Your Spouse