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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-30-2011, 09:34 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Who says it's healthy? I'm pretty open and even I'm not comfortable doing the things you want your wife to do. I feel like you are too focused on what you aren't getting and less on what you are. That's a slippery slope and that my friend is NOT healthy. Trust me I've been there and it does not end well. The other person just feels they've failed you somehow.

Let me say this again. LET. IT. GO. The more you push the more she will resist. Appreciate the woman you have. If you can do that without expectations she might just might blossom right in front of your eyes. What you are doing will never work.
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Old 06-30-2011, 06:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?

Im gonna focus on the future..
I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?

Im gonna focus on the future..
I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..
I actually did think this is why you wanted her to masturbate - a person in touch with their sexuality are less inhibited, more confident sexually, and therefore can have more fun in the bedroom. My answers still stand the same.

In saying that, if she's fine with you going down on her, she might be fine for you to use a toy on her. Once this happens, and could be a lot of fun, chances are she will start using the toy by herself over time. You have said you've pushed too much in the past, so I'd suggest you approach the toy-purchasing with delicacy if you go that route.
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:07 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

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Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?

Im gonna focus on the future..
I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..
Oh come on! Your real objective here is for her to pleasure herself so that she is more willing to have sex with you. Don't paint it as some altruistic thing.
You cannot make a woman want to masturbate, they either do or don't. Period.
I really would suggest a sex therapist. I know it sounds lame and weird but a woman who doesn't masturbate has some deep fears. Body issues or worse, sexual problems from childhood where she was taught that this was wrong, so wrong in fact that she doesn't have a drive anymore.
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:18 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
Ok..seems like some of you think that I want this Only for my enjoyment..to just watch my wife masterbate and get turned on by it..
Yes..that is very sexy to me, but I probably should have kept that part out of the question, because my real objective here is for her to experience something that most women have at least at one point in time experienced..I believe that one of the reasons she so rarely initiates any intimacy at all in our relationship is because she doesnt feel comfortable in her own body, so uncomfortable that she doesnt even want to pleasure herself...if she knew how to pleasure herself, then I feel like she would know more what she wants..right now sex is mostly about just satisfying me..I dont want it to be that way, I want her to need it as well...seems like shes stuck thinking she needs to perform always..
Yes she gets orgasms while we do it, mostly only when I do oral on her (reason I know this is her muscles contract right at orgasm point, and she lets me know)
I dont think shes ever had a full G-Spot orgasm..It just gets sensitive for her after I orgasm..dont think that means shes had one..or?

Im gonna focus on the future..
I think I will introduce a toy sometime this weekend..
Think of your absolute least favorite thing to do in the world.

How can someone "make" you want to do it?

Once more, with feeling: if she doesn't want to do it,

LET

IT

GO!!!

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Old 07-01-2011, 12:49 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Just got a hard time letting it go..I dont talk to het about
wanting her to masterbate anymore..but I hope a toy will help
make some progress..

Last edited by marriedguy; 07-02-2011 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 07-01-2011, 02:51 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

I do not masturbate and never have. I do not enjoy it and I have a high sex drive. I do let my husband please me that way and through oral. We have used toys before but again, only with him. I would say don't push the issue.
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Old 07-02-2011, 09:56 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Nicole, how do you know you dont enjoy it if you have never tried?
What is it about it thats stopping you from getting adventurous..doing it just for the heck of it, to see how you like it?

I have a feeling that you and my wife are very similar this way, where both love sex but never even had the tempation to touch themselves..
BUt if you love sex so much, if your husband told you it turned him on that you masterbate in front of him, would you not do it? Just to have some fun?
Why always set limitations in the bedroom? I dont get it..
Thats why me and my wife arent intimate very often anymore, I dont like to be the only one wanting to explore..trying different things..
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Old 07-02-2011, 08:21 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

I am willing to try anything with him and have tried anything he wanted. I have done it for him during foreplay but I did not enjoy it.
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Old 07-03-2011, 09:11 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Well, I am a woman and have no interest in pleasuring myself. I've got my man for this and I think you should actually be happy she's pleased with you enough to not be willing to take the edge of herself.

So, I'd say just let the woman enjoy YOU and work together on new ways to make both happy.

To be honest, if I saw my man doing this when we have sex, I'd be disgusted. Why am I in bed with him, if he needs his hand?
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Old 07-03-2011, 09:25 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Watching my GF pleasure herself by hand or with a toy is a very erotic experience. She also apparently enjoys watching me pleasure myself too, as she's asked me to do that.

However... Different strokes for different folks. If she's not into it, I'd let it go. Find something else she IS into. Or start with baby steps. See if you can guide her hand to stimulate herself during intercourse. Or even hold herself open during oral.

C
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Old 07-04-2011, 03:06 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

I think it is great when husband is concerned about his wife's sexuality. And why is considered selfish? We all like sex, and we all want our partners to enjoy and want it as much as we do. I started to masturbate late, and before I thought it was just not my thing. Now I know it so is. It actually fixed many problems. The minute I got intimate with myself, my sexuallity boosted and orgasms got so intense. I think it's great. However, I have reached that point myself, beacuse I wanted to.
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Old 07-04-2011, 03:12 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

For quite a long time now, the conventional wisdom has been that the female partner should masturbate, in order than she can become aware of her own sexuality and understand what feels good to her, in order to be able to guide her male partner to do what she wants in order that sex is mutually improved.

This has become mainstream advice. I think the OP shouldn't really be too beaten up for having bought into this idea.
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Old 07-04-2011, 01:30 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

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Alright ladies..teach me how I can have my wife interested in masterbating..
Reason?
She has never, ever masterbated..only touched herself to clean herself..she doesnt seem to have a very high sex drive at all..yet can orgasm no problem, and seems to love sex when we have it..
She very rarely initiates any intimacy, waits around for it..can easily go over a week without showing interest..
I am the opposite, and I have told her that I masterbate..first she thought I was weird, now she doesnt care..

Ive asked her about her masterbating while we are together, she thinks its gross..she doesnt want to touch herself..
but
I think it would be good for her to explore a little on her own, get a feel for what she likes..Im thinkin it may just be the door to a sexual awakening for her..

She is a bit overweight..and is pretty insecure about her body, although I think and always tell her that I think she is very pretty, sexy...that she turns me on like crazy..
but still..shes shy about her body, about showing it all to me sometimes..Maybe that has part to do with her not wanting to touch herself? That she doesnt like her own body?

So, what do you say ladies..have any of you spent over 25 years without ever masterbating..touching yourself sexually?
Anyone started masterbating at a later age?
What led to that, is there anything that I as her husband can do to help her experience this?

Thank you very much for any advice..
Why don't you do it for her?
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Old 07-04-2011, 04:08 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

My only thought on this is ....if her sex drive is low to begin with and you get her to masterbate , she may not want YOU the next night. I'd be very upset if my husband masterbated cause then he wouldn't have anything left for me when I want it! He tells me now I overmilked my cow.

I think it would be good to get her involved in pleasuring you as much as you can -kinda like what Enchantment was referring too, and you reaching for her, as this is "comfortable" for her - for now.

Even me, Mrs Libito here, I have no desire to masterbate in front of my husband, never did this in my life. I asked him once if that would turn him on -since I was reading posts on here about men who would like their wives to do this and he said "Yes, he would enjoy it" - I let him know I would probably still feel strange about that , and he said that is OK , cause us touching each other is the ultimate anyway.

Maybe think about buying a DVD to watch all about various Sex toys, get some talking going , and see if she may want to try anything they are displaying.

Amazon.com: Loving Sex - Toys for Great Sex: Hosted by Dr. Patti Britton. Featuring Juli Ashton., Alexander Institute: Movies & TV
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