Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-29-2011, 06:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Alright ladies..teach me how I can have my wife interested in masterbating..
Reason?
She has never, ever masterbated..only touched herself to clean herself..she doesnt seem to have a very high sex drive at all..yet can orgasm no problem, and seems to love sex when we have it..
She very rarely initiates any intimacy, waits around for it..can easily go over a week without showing interest..
I am the opposite, and I have told her that I masterbate..first she thought I was weird, now she doesnt care..

Ive asked her about her masterbating while we are together, she thinks its gross..she doesnt want to touch herself..
but
I think it would be good for her to explore a little on her own, get a feel for what she likes..Im thinkin it may just be the door to a sexual awakening for her..

She is a bit overweight..and is pretty insecure about her body, although I think and always tell her that I think she is very pretty, sexy...that she turns me on like crazy..
but still..shes shy about her body, about showing it all to me sometimes..Maybe that has part to do with her not wanting to touch herself? That she doesnt like her own body?

So, what do you say ladies..have any of you spent over 25 years without ever masterbating..touching yourself sexually?
Anyone started masterbating at a later age?
What led to that, is there anything that I as her husband can do to help her experience this?

Thank you very much for any advice..
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Let me say this as gently as I can. Let it go. Why are you so set on having her masturbate when she clearly doesn't want to? She doesn't have a high drive so what is the point?
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Why are you so intent on her doing something she doesn't want to do?
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Hey marriedguy ~

If your wife is LD, she may actually be very satisfied with the sex that you have and therefore have absolutely no desire to masturbate. I rarely have to masturbate because, well, my husband pretty much keeps me busy.

As well, it is something that she has to want to do. I don't know exactly how you would convince her to do it if she doesn't want to.

However, does she let you manually stimulate her? Or orally stimulate her? And, is she willing to manually/orally stimulate you? If so, I would use those as the vehicles to connect with her.

Back in the early days of our marriage when my husband was probably something like you and I just couldn't keep up with him, he asked me if I would participate in helping him masturbate. He didn't expect me to masturbate as well if I didn't want to, but he wanted me to either help him, or hold him while he did it. I think he was just trying to get me to participate in any way he could without putting any pressure on me.

I don't know if that would work for you if your wife is willing. It did help us connect more and did give me more of a glimpse of his sexuality, which in turn helped me with mine. We rarely have to do this anymore - I don't really think I could lay beside him and hold him while he did it without participating now.
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Old 06-29-2011, 07:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

alright..
but my question is then..
Is there any chance of a women masterbating that has never masterbated in her life? Given the situation?
What do you ladies think and has anyone been in a similar situation?

Enchantment..did you masterbate before your husband tried doing it with you? Or is it only something that you got comfortable with time..

I think a woman masterbating is extremely sexy..and shows she is sexually intune with herself...
Not saying she absolutely must do it..just saying I think its healthy..find it weird that she never has..

What if I ask her to do it (playing with her clitoris) while we are getting intimate? Or giving her a dildo to play with herself while Im penetrating or her?
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

If she's never done it, it's probably because she's never wanted to.

Which brings me right back to my question: why so intent on her doing something she doesn't want to do?

So you think it's sexy. Great. If she doesn't want to do it...let it go. Otherwise, what if she finds it sexy for you to, say, hang from the ceiling suspended by Mr. Happy? ;-)
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Old 06-29-2011, 10:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

The thing about it being 'sexy' is when the person is genuinely excited to take part. If you push for your own reasons, you could risk her feeling even more closed about it. She's already told you she thinks it's gross. If anything, I'd try concentrating on showing her how beautiful her body is. Maybe this will help her eventually embrace herself more and help her feel like the sexy woman she is. Confidence goes hand in hand with feeling sexually in-tune.
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Old 06-30-2011, 12:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Yeah your right heartsbreaking..
Ive kinda screwed up the whole intimacy thing in our marriage by always pushing the bounderies..my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual..shes definitely not the wild type, and my persistence has driven any wildness she had right out of her...keep asking myself..how can a person be that delicate?
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Old 06-30-2011, 01:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual
Then you are a very lucky man

Think of her and what she needs and desires sexually, communicate openly, and maybe over time you'll see her opening up more. Or maybe this is just the way she is, and you learn to accept that?
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

I think if she's not feeling confident about herself and her body, she may be inhibited. If she has never masturbated, she probably has some issue around it being bad or that her lady parts are icky or whatever.

Are you sure she is having real orgasms while you have sex? If she's never given herself an orgasm, it would be surprising she would have them through intercourse. Does she allow you to give her oral?
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Old 06-30-2011, 08:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

My wife had not done this before either, but with the introduction of a toy....I got her to take over showing me how it felt best. That along with her realizing how it turned me on to see her touch herself has changed her mind. We are now up to her masturbating with and without me. While I agree with posters that say you can't push her if she doesn't want to....I will also say that my wife was of the same belief. She basically thought masterbating was only a guy thing, but she would now admit she was wrong and that it has opened her up. Her orgasms have increased in number and intensity. BTW, the magic wand is her favorite ;-)
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Old 06-30-2011, 08:32 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedguy View Post
Yeah your right heartsbreaking..
Ive kinda screwed up the whole intimacy thing in our marriage by always pushing the bounderies..my wife is a very peacefull..happy..sensitive individual..shes definitely not the wild type, and my persistence has driven any wildness she had right out of her...keep asking myself..how can a person be that delicate?
Well, it's good that you understand some of what your role is in all of it, but don't dwell on the past. Quit kicking yourself over what you did in the past, and just start moving forward by being patient and confident with her now.

You also need to get to the point of acceptance, as in accepting she is a different person than you and she does have different sensibilities, wants, needs, and desires. It would be good if you could concentrate on trying to figure out what some of those things are for her and try and meet them.

And one thing I don't quite know either, but Laurae mentioned above - are you sure that your wife is being sexually fulfilled? Here's an article for you to read and mull over: Frigidity and sexual coldness in normal women: the shocking secret.


IF she ever gets to the point where she is willing to be more open, there are a lot of things that she could read or look into such as the following:

http://www.amazon.com/Sexually-Shy-I.../dp/0984057463

http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Un...ref=pd_sim_b_2

And the following book, for which there is also a website with some 'to do' activites:

http://www.amazon.com/Sexually-Confi...9440162&sr=1-1

Sexually Confident Wife by Author Shannon Ethridge | Female Sexuality, Sex In Marriage | Available From Random House
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:11 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

I would say introduce some fun toys in and at least you can enjoy using them on her. Who knows? Maybe she will have such fun she will want to use them on herself?
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:17 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

The man may have worded his question in a way that made him sound pretty superficial. But I think he is really asking for a way to get his wife to evolve her lack if interest into enthusiasm.

He's not strictly asking for a performance.

Some women change in their interests over time.

So he's not out of line looking for a spark.
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Old 06-30-2011, 09:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies, I need tips on how to get my wife to masterbate

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I would say introduce some fun toys in and at least you can enjoy using them on her. Who knows? Maybe she will have such fun she will want to use them on herself?
If she is very inhibited, though, realize that trying to do this may not help the situation. I can remember back in the earlier days of my relationship with my husband, I would likely have not been receptive to this kind of idea as it might have made me feel that I was just something for his sexual release. He would have been doing something for HIS pleasure without taking into consideration where I was at.

The key is trying to understand where your wife is AT and trying to meet the sexual needs that she has THERE - not always wondering why she is not where YOU are at and trying to get her to where you are.

It's like you are running in a race together. If you are consistently running faster than she is, trying to get her to run faster when she just can't, trying to force her will be counter-productive. She may get tired of the pressure and want to drop out of the race.

However, if you drop back to her pace and work on 'coaching' her in the way she needs, she may be able to eventually pick her up pace. And in the meantime, the time you are together doing this can still be very satisfying.
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