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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-04-2011, 10:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default wife and orgasm

I have been married for 30 years now. at first my wife had many orgasms during our sex. we did it often and each time she would have 3 or more to my one. over the last several years her orgasms have been less and less. the thing is she still wants sex. we do it 3 to 4 times a week. if i dont have sex with her she wants to know what is wrong and gets upset. when i ask her about her orgasms she says she enjoys our sex and i should not worry about it. i have tryed many things. lasting longer, oral, waiting longer in between sex, dinners, hotels, vacations, nothing seen to work well. sometimes she has an orgasm and most times not. the only thing she seems worried about is if i dont have sex with her. i am the one asking most of the time and she almost never says no. morning, night, afternoon, whenever. our favorite position is doggy style but we do others as well. most of the time its 3 to 5 mins of forplay and she is wanting me in her. if she wants more time we spend more time. i do not understand, she seems to enjoy it but rarely askes for it. almost never says no to it when i ask or just start. so the question is m i headed for trouble here because she is not having that many orgasms? or should i just leason to her and not worry about it.
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Old 07-04-2011, 11:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Aging sometimes is not kind to many women. In fact it SUCKS!!!!
I am a woman who is in the same boat as your wife - at this point in my life, my orgasms are a crap-shoot!

You should listen to your wife and not worry about it. AND you should count yourself a lucky man that your wife cares about your sexual needs and is willing to meet them whenever you want.

Here are two sites I highly recommend for women who are near pre-menopause or menopause age. While they sell things on these sites, they also provide some excellent information for women.

A Woman’s Touch -

Women to Women — Changing women's health — naturally

Good Luck!
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by mary35;365880
Yes I am very lucky I love her and she loves me . Thanks for the advice. When should I start worrying .I don't want to mess this up. I have a good thing. Right I have no concerns about how long I last or how long foreplay should be. I just don't want to lose her.

Aging sometimes is not kind to many women. In fact it SUCKS!!!!
I am a woman who is in the same boat as your wife - at this point in my life, my orgasms are a crap-shoot!

You should listen to your wife and not worry about it. AND you should count yourself a lucky man that your wife cares about your sexual needs and is willing to meet them whenever you want.

Here are two sites I highly recommend for women who are near pre-menopause or menopause age. While they sell things on these sites, they also provide some excellent information for women.

A Woman’s Touch -

Women to Women — Changing women's health — naturally

Good Luck!
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Perhaps your wife takes pleasure in you taking pleasure in her.

I know that you took pleasure in her pleasure... and that her orgasm is concrete feedback that you are doing something right. Perhaps you have to look deeper at what pleasure is?
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Old 07-05-2011, 02:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

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Originally Posted by marriedfor27years View Post
I have been married for 30 years now. at first my wife had many orgasms during our sex. we did it often and each time she would have 3 or more to my one. over the last several years her orgasms have been less and less. the thing is she still wants sex. we do it 3 to 4 times a week. if i dont have sex with her she wants to know what is wrong and gets upset. when i ask her about her orgasms she says she enjoys our sex and i should not worry about it. i have tryed many things. lasting longer, oral, waiting longer in between sex, dinners, hotels, vacations, nothing seen to work well. sometimes she has an orgasm and most times not. the only thing she seems worried about is if i dont have sex with her. i am the one asking most of the time and she almost never says no. morning, night, afternoon, whenever. our favorite position is doggy style but we do others as well. most of the time its 3 to 5 mins of forplay and she is wanting me in her. if she wants more time we spend more time. i do not understand, she seems to enjoy it but rarely askes for it. almost never says no to it when i ask or just start. so the question is m i headed for trouble here because she is not having that many orgasms? or should i just leason to her and not worry about it.
Everything is probably just fine. She is enjoying sex. Keep initiating. Do not let the frequency drop. I think you are worrying too much. That said I understand.

If you have been married for many years you have to realize that physical changes are going to happen. A wife who was multi-orgamic and squirting and all the rest is going to go throw changes that make extra lubrication required. She is not 25 any more. Neither are you.

I have been married 33 years myself.

I suggest you extend that foreplay and go for clitoral and / or G-Spot orgasms before intercourse. Oral plus massaging her G-Spot. Make sure you use extra lubrication during intercouse. Woman on top is easiest for many women to have an orgasm.

But ultimately while it is good to take care for her pleasure do not screw it all up by becoming obsessive about it. Enjoy the intimacy with her.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 07-05-2011 at 03:04 AM.
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Old 07-05-2011, 07:24 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

"Yes I am very lucky I love her and she loves me . Thanks for the advice. When should I start worrying .I don't want to mess this up. I have a good thing. Right I have no concerns about how long I last or how long foreplay should be. I just don't want to lose her."

Married27years - I am a little confused?
Exactly what are you worried about? Why do you think you would lose her?
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Old 07-05-2011, 11:08 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

I would listen to her and not worry about it so much.

Unfortunately, as women age and go through perimenopause and menopause, the dramatic drop in their hormone levels can do a number on not only their libidos but their sexual organs themselves - the vagina tends to dry out and the tissues become thinner and the clitoris shrinks in size and decreases in sensitivity because of a lack of hormones.

IF the fact that she is not able to orgasm as much anymore bothers HER, then she can consult with her ob/gyn about what options there are that could help out.

But, otherwise, if your wife is good to go and is happy with what you have, why are you worried that you would lose her?
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Old 07-05-2011, 12:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

When I was younger I could orgasm easily. As I age not as much. Takes more work. I'd take your wife's words at face value.
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Old 07-05-2011, 04:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
When I was younger I could orgasm easily. As I age not as much. Takes more work. I'd take your wife's words at face value.
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Old 07-05-2011, 05:46 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Your wife probably likes making love to you. It's not just about the big O, but also about the closeness and the connection you have with sex. Maybe men and women are slightly different in that regard. In the rare instance that I don't have an O with my husband, he always wonders how I can enjoy it without the O, but I do. Now, if every time we had sex and I didn't come, yeah, that would be a problem.

You've been married for 30 years, so your wife is probably older, maybe through menopause, so I would imagine there are changes to libido, ability to O, etc. She probably wants to make sure you are asking HER for sex because it is an indication that you still want her.

If she is not expressing concern about her lack of Os, I would not worry about it. Congrats on 30 years of marriage!
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Old 07-05-2011, 06:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Take her at her word...speaking as a multiple orgasm gal, one BIG,huge,toe curling, bone rattling, temporarily blinding orgasm is way better than a bunch of mini ones... I'd rather do the work for the gold medal orgasm than do the work for the little ones...it isn't quantity dear...it's quality
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Old 07-06-2011, 12:35 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Thanks for the all the great advice and you are likely right. I am noticing a trend thought that seems off. example: we often go to bed at differant times, kids homework, work, you know. some times I will say let me know when you are going to bed and I will join you and she will seem ok with it but later I will find her in bed asleep. If I am in bed at night or morning I am rarely told no. But if I try to give her just a little control most times it does not happen. I feel funny always being the one making the first move. I can join her in the show and its fine but she will never join me. I will get the show knowing she will take hers next and say I am going to take a shower, your next, why not join me, again seems ok with it but no go. if I wait until she gets in and join her no problem. its that kind of stuff that makes me wonder. kind of a passive way of saying no with out using the words. but if I just leave her alone for a week or two she whats to know what is wrong. we talk, and for a while she lets me know about bed time and will join me in the shower but after just a few weeks we are back to "normal" is this truly normal. I dont realy have a problem with it I just want to make sure she is ok. if this is how it is and she is truely ok, then ok. by making it clear I want to have sex with her at bed time and all she has to do is let me now when she is going to bed, seem to remove all the dought about is he ready, will he say no. however she seems uncomfortale even saying I'm going to bed if it means lets have sex. although "i am tired and i am going to bed" means no sex to night. but I do not here that often. any thoughts
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Old 07-06-2011, 01:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedfor27years View Post
Thanks for the all the great advice and you are likely right. I am noticing a trend thought that seems off. example: we often go to bed at differant times, kids homework, work, you know. some times I will say let me know when you are going to bed and I will join you and she will seem ok with it but later I will find her in bed asleep. If I am in bed at night or morning I am rarely told no. But if I try to give her just a little control most times it does not happen. I feel funny always being the one making the first move. I can join her in the show and its fine but she will never join me. I will get the show knowing she will take hers next and say I am going to take a shower, your next, why not join me, again seems ok with it but no go. if I wait until she gets in and join her no problem. its that kind of stuff that makes me wonder. kind of a passive way of saying no with out using the words. but if I just leave her alone for a week or two she whats to know what is wrong. we talk, and for a while she lets me know about bed time and will join me in the shower but after just a few weeks we are back to "normal" is this truly normal. I dont realy have a problem with it I just want to make sure she is ok. if this is how it is and she is truely ok, then ok. by making it clear I want to have sex with her at bed time and all she has to do is let me now when she is going to bed, seem to remove all the dought about is he ready, will he say no. however she seems uncomfortale even saying I'm going to bed if it means lets have sex. although "i am tired and i am going to bed" means no sex to night. but I do not here that often. any thoughts
Hi married ~

Congratulations on being married 30 years!

I think the surest way to find out if your wife is 'ok' is just to ask her. And if she says she's "fine", you can do some investigative research.

My first thought was that if you have been married 30 years, your wife may be close to being menopausal. Is she? That might be something worth looking in to because it can affect a woman's libido in a big, not so good way. So, if she is just not as interested as she used to be that would be one thing to look into.

You said this has been a trend. Was she the kind who ever initiated at one point in your marriage and has she always had the lower drive? Some woman just don't initiate, which isn't that uncommon. They just feel that it's the man's responsibility to do so, and if they have always had the lower drive it becomes like a 'default' setting for them.

Has she had any life-changing events that have happened recently (e.g., death in the family, empty-nesting, job changes, health changes, new medications etc.) Women's emotional states play a big role in their libidos, and if she has a lot of stress or emotional upheaval, it can also depress her libido, and may also make her depressed as well.

Those are just a few things it could be. Like I said, try and communicate with your wife as much as possible, if you can.

Godspeed.
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Old 07-06-2011, 02:08 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

she is in menopause now. night hot flashses and all. she is great about it. Before we did not have sex during her periods (mostly because of me) and now she said at least we can do it all month now. I have always been the one to start sex that has not changed. however she always enjoyed it so, there was alway a eagerness on her part when I ask or started. that eagerness is not there now. it has been replaced with subdued kind of sure we can have sex. not yah we are going to have sex. when I think about it thats the real differance here, her eagerness is all but gone and I miss it. kind of like when your kids stop running to the door when you get home. I just hope she does not start saying no to sex. I will talk with her again now that I have some idea of what to talk about. there is little she can do but at least she will understand my concerns.
Thanks to everyone.
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Old 07-06-2011, 07:29 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: wife and orgasm

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Originally Posted by marriedfor27years View Post
Thanks for the all the great advice and you are likely right. I am noticing a trend thought that seems off. example: we often go to bed at differant times, kids homework, work, you know. some times I will say let me know when you are going to bed and I will join you and she will seem ok with it but later I will find her in bed asleep. If I am in bed at night or morning I am rarely told no. But if I try to give her just a little control most times it does not happen. I feel funny always being the one making the first move. I can join her in the show and its fine but she will never join me. I will get the show knowing she will take hers next and say I am going to take a shower, your next, why not join me, again seems ok with it but no go. if I wait until she gets in and join her no problem. its that kind of stuff that makes me wonder. kind of a passive way of saying no with out using the words. but if I just leave her alone for a week or two she whats to know what is wrong. we talk, and for a while she lets me know about bed time and will join me in the shower but after just a few weeks we are back to "normal" is this truly normal. I dont realy have a problem with it I just want to make sure she is ok. if this is how it is and she is truely ok, then ok. by making it clear I want to have sex with her at bed time and all she has to do is let me now when she is going to bed, seem to remove all the dought about is he ready, will he say no. however she seems uncomfortale even saying I'm going to bed if it means lets have sex. although "i am tired and i am going to bed" means no sex to night. but I do not here that often. any thoughts
I was just like your wife I never would ask for sex even tho I wanted it. My H would always ask me why I don't make the 1st move. It's something I just couldn't do, but when he asked he I would always so yes even when sometimes I was tried and not feeling the mood, but when we would start I would always feel pleasure! Your wife loves you every much or she would say no to you.
I
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