Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I do not like discussing my personal life with friends or family members so what better way than to Google an Internet forum and ask random strangers for advice? Here goes...
My wife and I have been married for 13 months and we are a good match. We love one another and are both attractive people with successful careers and are financially stable. I am 26 she is 24 and we live in a nice house and have fun together. We do not have kids... yet of course. Sounds perfect right?
While there are a lot of great qualities in our marriage that I value deeply, our sex life leaves a lot to be desired. Now I'm not saying this to degrade my wife or talk about her but she dislikes sex. In fact, last night she told me she "hates sex." When we have sex it feels like she is doing it out of obligation and not out of desire. She also hates to be touched and in fact gets "creeped out" by it. I can almost feel her skin crawl as I initiate physical contact with her.
Now I also want to clear a couple things up. She is not cheating on me and I can say that for certain. We do not drink, she doesn't have any type of mysterious behavior or anything what-so-ever that leads me to believe she is unfaithful. Also, I am not one of those guys that sits on his backside and expects her to wait on me 24/7. In fact, yesterday I scrubbed the bathrooms, mowed the lawn and edged the flower beds. We actually had a fight yesterday afternoon because I woke her up at 1 PM by running the vacuum in our bathroom. In fact, I was a little disturbed at her behavior as she had an "abnormal freakout" by yelling, cursing, hitting and just an overall temper tantrum because I was "annoying her."
She got over it rather quickly and we hosted a family cookout in which I manned the grill and she baked cupcakes. I cleaned the kitchen myself afterwards.
In conclusion, I don't know what I am doing wrong. I make a good amount of money, I clean, I cook, I do not put anyone in front of her and I want a good marriage. However, I'm constantly rejected for sex and it almost seems like she "hates me" at times.
Did you know this before you married her?
Be frank. She must recognize that normal people don't get married to be sexless. If she wants to remain married, she must address her issues through whatever means necessary.
Personally I would not remain married to someone who claims to hate sex. There is no point. Posted via Mobile Device
We had a very good sex life while dating. I know people will say "this is why you should wait" but we used to have sex a lot before we were married. However, she has told me that it was different then and our sex life will never be like that again.
I am only her second partner and there is no history of sexual abuse or anything of that nature.
One thing I failed to mention is that she complains that it hurts her to have sex. However, this is obviously preceded by a lack of libido.
She hasn't always disliked touch, in fact when we were dating we couldn't keep our hands off one another.
It was every night. I mean unless it was her time of the month it was guaranteed. There were times when I was even too tired and didn't feel like it but it was 100%.
She implied we would never have sex that frequently again. And I'm OK with that. I don't understand the change but I'm OK with a few times a week, heck even one night a week of passionate sex would be OK. However, the sex we have now feels completely out of obligation.
I do think she wants something to "spice it up" but I've been rejected so many times I'm hesitant to even try.
My wife has a bad temper and she does not handle criticism well. If I mention issues such as this it usually spawns into an all out fight that usually results in her saying something hurtful.
Your wife DOES NOT hate sex, and being touched DOES NOT creep her out. The truth is, she hates sex with YOU and YOUR the one that creeps her out. Do you think that if she was put in a hotel room for a week with Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum, she would hate his touch?.... NO!
And this is like the 1000th time i have said this. Being a good husband is not being the cooker, the cleaner, the provider... it is being the man that your wife wants to get f*cked by. Your wife does not want to get f*cked by you. As a matter of fact she doesnt even want you to touch her. She doesnt respect you or even like you. You provide for her, cook, clean and she just yells at you and you take it like a good little beta male. Your not even a man in her eyes. That is part of the reason that she doesnt want you to touch her. You have alot to learn about "Marriage game" and being an "alpha husband"
You can whine and complain and try to be understanding and "work out" things with your wife... all that while she is out riding alpha c*ck. Oh and I guarantee that your wife is attracted to some one else. Honestly you need to start standing up for yourself. And a way to do that is to start shifting away from her. I think you need to break up with her... honestly you do. You need to make her as small in your world as you are in hers. dont try to win her over and fight her mean with your nice... you need to fight her mean with your booting her ass out the door. You need to kick her out of the house and start hustling other women... that is probably the only way that your wife will respect you and see you as desirable again... because right now your just an ant in her world.... an annoying ant. How can you put up with this? You need to leave! but i am sure your too beta for that...
[QUOTE=privatejohndoe;366066
In conclusion, I don't know what I am doing wrong. I make a good amount of money, I clean, I cook, I do not put anyone in front of her and I want a good marriage. However, I'm constantly rejected for sex and it almost seems like she "hates me" at times.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.[/QUOTE]
Pretend you were unemployed, played video games all day, your wife supported you. You sat around in dirty clothes, did not take showers and smelled bad. Your future plans included going to a video game convention, paid for by your wife. Let's say that your wife's reaction to this was to give you plenty of affection and sex. I bet you'd think there was something wrong with her. Think about how she should react to the scenario I describe. Then, turn it around and think about how you should react to a wife that refuses sex in your marriage?
Your wife is testing you to see what kind of man you are. You are failing. Instead of standing up for your rights as a man in a marriage, you are cooking and cleaning (acting like a woman). You are allowing her to yell at you for waking her up at 1:00 in the afternoon while you are vaccuming. Can you see the male / female role reversal here? If she is a heterosexual woman she would not be attracted to this.
If I was at your age, with a 24 year old wife and she told me she "hates sex", I would immediately tell her that you are not going to live in a sexless marriage and will be seeing a lawyer tomorrow.
Your wife DOES NOT hate sex, and being touched DOES NOT creep her out. The truth is, she hates sex with YOU and YOUR the one that creeps her out. Do you think that if she was put in a hotel room for a week with Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum, she would hate his touch?.... NO!
And this is like the 1000th time i have said this. Being a good husband is not being the cooker, the cleaner, the provider... it is being the man that your wife wants to get f*cked by. Your wife does not want to get f*cked by you. As a matter of fact she doesnt even want you to touch her. She doesnt respect you or even like you. You provide for her, cook, clean and she just yells at you and you take it like a good little beta male. Your not even a man in her eyes. That is part of the reason that she doesnt want you to touch her. You have alot to learn about "Marriage game" and being an "alpha husband"
You can whine and complain and try to be understanding and "work out" things with your wife... all that while she is out riding alpha c*ck. Oh and I guarantee that your wife is attracted to some one else. Honestly you need to start standing up for yourself. And a way to do that is to start shifting away from her. I think you need to break up with her... honestly you do. You need to make her as small in your world as you are in hers. dont try to win her over and fight her mean with your nice... you need to fight her mean with your booting her ass out the door. You need to kick her out of the house and start hustling other women... that is probably the only way that your wife will respect you and see you as desirable again... because right now your just an ant in her world.... an annoying ant. How can you put up with this? You need to leave! but i am sure your too beta for that...
Good points and I often wonder about the "power struggle" in our relationship. While we were dating I feel I "wore the pants" in the relationship but once we got married, I feel like a conceded a lot of control. I could always threaten to walk if things weren't going my way but once we got married, joined finances and made large purchases (such as cars and houses together) it got much more difficult. I think a lot of what you said is very true. She is obviously attracted to someone and I have became that "pee-on" she doesn't respect, however, I don't feel like threatening to leave or "flexing my muscle" that I could get other women is conducive to a healthy marriage. I could be the jerk you describe but there has to be a better way to reestablish her respect for me without "blowing the lid off." I don't want a divorce.
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Originally Posted by magnoliagal
So why the change? Does she say? She was the one who said it was different now what did she mean by that?
No explanation for the change but it was just made clear it had changed.
This is a no-brainer. She put out the cheese long enough for the trap to do it's job. What you have now is the "real" her. The sexual creature you dated was an act.
Pretend you were unemployed, played video games all day, your wife supported you. You sat around in dirty clothes, did not take showers and smelled bad. Your future plans included going to a video game convention, paid for by your wife. Let's say that your wife's reaction to this was to give you plenty of affection and sex. I bet you'd think there was something wrong with her. Think about how she should react to the scenario I describe. Then, turn it around and think about how you should react to a wife that refuses sex in your marriage?
Your wife is testing you to see what kind of man you are. You are failing. Instead of standing up for your rights as a man in a marriage, you are cooking and cleaning (acting like a woman). You are allowing her to yell at you for waking her up at 1:00 in the afternoon while you are vaccuming. Can you see the male / female role reversal here? If she is a heterosexual woman she would not be attracted to this.
If I was at your age, with a 24 year old wife and she told me she "hates sex", I would immediately tell her that you are not going to live in a sexless marriage and will be seeing a lawyer tomorrow.
Another good point and I see what you are saying. However, I don't want a divorce. There has to be a better way than just "blowing the roof off" my life. I mean we make a good match, the financial side of our marriage is very strong and I like the fact I'm not married to a woman with relaxed morals that I have to worry about sleeping with someone else. I dated plenty of attractive women but I always had to worry about infidelity and I don't have that with my wife.
Regarding the role reversals, I see what you are talking about but I don't see a good option. She doesn't clean so if I want it to get done, I have to do it myself. However, it's not like I was doing the baking and she was mowing the grass. I do the male parts (grilling, mowing, etc.) but I have to do the traditional female parts such as vacuuming and scrubbing the bathrooms if they are going to get done. However, it's not like she doesn't do any of them. She does laundry and irons but she is not a "neat freak" like me.
This is a no-brainer. She put out the cheese long enough for the trap to do it's job. What you have now is the "real" her. The sexual creature you dated was an act.
What is she bringing to this equation? She doesn't cook. She doesn't clean. She doesn't want to have sex. For a 100% investment of your time/energy/finances, you get someone who tosses clothes in a washer and does a little ironing? There's a laundry nearby that'll do the same for less than 20.00 a week. They won't yell, scream, and cuss you out.
Married 13 months & my wife hates sex 
Re: Married 13 months & my wife hates sex 
