My husband will go down on other woman but not on me
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

My husband and I have had a great relationship up until about 2 months ago. He is caring, helps with the children, cooks dinners, provides well for his family etc, etc. We are a young couple and decided to have a 3-some with an acquaintance which went well with no issues, we actually where closer afterwards. We didn't expect the same scenario to happen so soon after but about 4 months later it happened again with a mutual female friend, now before any of these two events occurred we discussed rules, that we use protection, not to much intimacy with the third party and no oral on the other girl because he has always told me he didn't like it and didn't do it to me so I didn't think it was fair if she got that special treatment.

In both situations he ate them out especially with the second encounter he was asking her a lot to eat her out. I asked him later why he doesn't eat me out but will eat her out and he said I taste weird. I always thought I was clean I take showers daily and I have never heard a comment from previous relationships about this. I asked him why he did it and that I told him not to, his reply was that he didn't hear me say that. and then I made him very aware that I was hurt and we are never going to have any other sexual encounters with another girl again. We agreed because we felt it wasn't healthy for our relationship and from what I saw he wanted to work on it I read to put honey on my special area to make it taste better. So one night I made it special and took a shower, lit candles, put some loungerie on and got some honey that night went well it seemed to help a lot the next week we where at the farmers market and he even bought me some honey so I was proud he was trying.

Then a week after going to the market I decided to take a shower and use some honey he got mad at me and said he wasn't going to to it and that he didn't like it... he claimed up again....... Since then I have not gone down on him and we rarely have sex... we used to have sex 4-5 times a week at least now its about 1 time every two weeks.

It has been this way now for about a month and a half we finally made our first apt to a marriage counselor but It seems like until then which it is 15 days away it just keeps getting worse and worse. I am not even turned on by the thought of sex with him anymore because he thinks my vagina is gross... he also lied to me about not liking it for years and It pisses me off that he would do it to this other woman who gets around the block but not to me, his wife. I also have been fantasizing about maybe meeting up with another person... I know I never will but it bothers me that I am fantasizing about someone else....

Is there any one going through this same situation or if you where what would you do... I just want my marriage to be like it was, happy, healthy, and loving.
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

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Originally Posted by Cotton_Candy_&_Bubblegum View Post
My husband and I have had a great relationship up until about 2 months ago. He is caring, helps with the children, cooks dinners, provides well for his family etc, etc. We are a young couple and decided to have a 3-some with an acquaintance which went well with no issues, we actually where closer afterwards. We didn't expect the same scenario to happen so soon after but about 4 months later it happened again with a mutual female friend, now before any of these two events occurred we discussed rules, that we use protection, not to much intimacy with the third party and no oral on the other girl because he has always told me he didn't like it and didn't do it to me so I didn't think it was fair if she got that special treatment.

In both situations he ate them out especially with the second encounter he was asking her a lot to eat her out. I asked him later why he doesn't eat me out but will eat her out and he said I taste weird. I always thought I was clean I take showers daily and I have never heard a comment from previous relationships about this. I asked him why he did it and that I told him not to, his reply was that he didn't hear me say that. and then I made him very aware that I was hurt and we are never going to have any other sexual encounters with another girl again. We agreed because we felt it wasn't healthy for our relationship and from what I saw he wanted to work on it I read to put honey on my special area to make it taste better. So one night I made it special and took a shower, lit candles, put some loungerie on and got some honey that night went well it seemed to help a lot the next week we where at the farmers market and he even bought me some honey so I was proud he was trying.

Then a week after going to the market I decided to take a shower and use some honey he got mad at me and said he wasn't going to to it and that he didn't like it... he claimed up again....... Since then I have not gone down on him and we rarely have sex... we used to have sex 4-5 times a week at least now its about 1 time every two weeks.

It has been this way now for about a month and a half we finally made our first apt to a marriage counselor but It seems like until then which it is 15 days away it just keeps getting worse and worse. I am not even turned on by the thought of sex with him anymore because he thinks my vagina is gross... he also lied to me about not liking it for years and It pisses me off that he would do it to this other woman who gets around the block but not to me, his wife. I also have been fantasizing about maybe meeting up with another person... I know I never will but it bothers me that I am fantasizing about someone else....

Is there any one going through this same situation or if you where what would you do... I just want my marriage to be like it was, happy, healthy, and loving.
I think he answered your question.
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

If he broke the agreement regarding the arrangement it doesn't matter if he has a reason. It's still breaking an agreement.

THAT is the issue.
The break of trust.

So, suggest a threesome with a guy, with the agreement that the invitee goes down on you. I wonder how your H would like that arrangement.

It doesn't sound like a sex issue at all. It sounds like your H is being a jerk. An agreement is an agreement.
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

The thing with that is I don't necessarily like choking on his **** either but I do it any ways because I love him and want him to be happy.

It just frustrates me that this situation is going down hill so quick.

I feel like he could do it once in a while to please his wife. I go the extra mile to help by taking a shower right beforehand and putting honey on the spot. Am I wrong for thinking that he should do it once in a while to make me happy since I do things that I don't like just to make him happy. Like waking up at 5:AM just to make him fresh breakfast and lunch.

I just don't feel like I should be deprived of it for my whole life.




Also we both mutually agreed to never do it again...

I mentioned that with another man and he said he would punch him out... I told him I didn't want to anyways because I am his woman and I don't even want to be with another man.. but then I mentioned that I love kissing and maybe I should be able to kiss two guys because I actually do miss that... obviously it wasn't a constructive situation and we fought about it.


All I really want his for him to maybe try eating me out a little more make me feel that my vagina isn't gross because it isn't (My past boyfriends had no problem with it) And I am willing to accommodate him and do what he needs in being able to do that (like put honey on it)
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Old 07-07-2011, 03:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

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you shouldn't be deprived of it and that's why you guys are going to counseling to figure it out.
i dunno, maybe you should stop giving him oral and tell him he smells funny or tastes funny. that's kind of game playing but it might give him a taste of his own medicine.
I did that... well I stopped going out of my way to give him oral because he is getting lazy and wont go out of his way for me. I didn't want to say anything hurtful... because words last.

But I think that is why we are not having intercourse anymore because I am not giving oral all the time and he hasn't asked either he just goes on with his day like everything is fine and dandy
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

Ugh.
My perception is currently warped due to my own issues but it sounds like he is using withholding as a weapon, also that he has done it to someone else right in front of you, after saying he would not. It's just wrong. You are right, this is a double standard. I wonder if he is having his cake and licking the icing somewhere else. I mean, really, it does not sound like he's on your side at all. Any man can wash the dishes. Mine made a point of it and would tell EVERYONE how he washed the dishes. He hated the new dishwasher in the new house. Even after I pointed out it is cheaper than hand-washing because less use of hot water he insisted on washing the dishes. He stole a whole jug of dishwashing fluid from his work and brought it home before he left and said it would still be there because I wouldn't use it I would use the dishwasher, like it was somehow pathetic to not hand wash dishes...ignoring the fact I am allergic to what he stole to bring home. Anyway, he wanted to point out that he must care about me deeply, because he did the DISHES. Once in a while he would make the bed, meaning fold the sheet up and throw a cover on it. He also paid bills on time. And bbq'd and cooked (but usually when it pleased him, otherwise he would offer to get take out, likely so he could take his cell and go make calls to his posse of women).

If your H's actions in the sack are not lining up with how he is portrayed in your life, pay attention. Sex is supposed to be FUN and you are supposed to be able to ENJOY IT. Not wonder if you are going to. While jumping through hoops and being humiliated in the process. My big mistake was watching a sex instruction video from the Sinclair Institute in order to figure out why I was having trouble orgasmiing (well, after I found out my H was cheating and lying...it did take that)....hmmm the video I selected at the recommendation of my case manager was one that had married couples. What I saw was not so technically adept perhaps as my husband's repertoire in terms of showcasing, but it was way far advanced in terms of mutual pleasure and exploration, and well, the love showed. I commented to the case manager that after 20 minutes of watching, I would want to go to sleep because it was ummmmm so pleasant and dreamy. Not like sex with my H which was all about manipulation, dominance and control, disguised by telling me I needed to 'relax' so I could have an orgasm and that I must be 'frigid'.
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Old 07-07-2011, 04:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

He has a problem. Period! There is nothing that makes me happier than giving my wife oral. When I'm really on my game it makes her climb the wall. In fact I get very disappointed with myself if I don't get a very vocal reaction out of her. It tells me I need to work harder at it and pay more attention to her clues and reaction.

Any man who has a good wife (like mine) and doesn't have that drive to please her is narcissistic at the least and probably an a****** to boot. I am game for whatever gets her excited. The more she gets off the happier I am and the greater sense of accomplishment I get. Your H should get a clue!!
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Old 07-07-2011, 05:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

Make sure you don't have BV or a yest infection. I would not go down on a woman with BV either because it just plain smells bad.
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Old 07-07-2011, 05:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

I would never agree to a threesome in real life but theoretically, as oral is a hot topic between us (he won't; I love it), if the situation happened to me, I would have stopped the threesome action immediately right then. I'm sure I'd have gotten angrier than I've ever been in years as well. That's just something out of a horribly bad dream to see my H doing that do another girl.
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Old 07-07-2011, 06:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

He told you whatever you needed to hear to make it ok to bring in these girls. Then he did whatever he wanted to do.

You and he have major boundary issues and he has a deception problem.

Whether or not he would do what pleases you in bed is both hardly the issue and the issue.

One is structural, the other immediate.

Your marriage needs structural change!
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Old 07-07-2011, 06:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

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He has a problem. Period! There is nothing that makes me happier than giving my wife oral. When I'm really on my game it makes her climb the wall. In fact I get very disappointed with myself if I don't get a very vocal reaction out of her. It tells me I need to work harder at it and pay more attention to her clues and reaction.

Any man who has a good wife (like mine) and doesn't have that drive to please her is narcissistic at the least and probably an a****** to boot. I am game for whatever gets her excited. The more she gets off the happier I am and the greater sense of accomplishment I get. Your H should get a clue!!

+1000, agree completely
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Old 07-07-2011, 06:56 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

LOL, we all can't inspect you to say if you have a "wierd" or otherwise undesirable vagina, but to be honest it sounds like a load of sh*t.

Eating out a women is probably a fantasy of his (like the threesomes) but for some reason he doesn't feel it is manly to do this to one's wife. Maybe he has to feel dominant, and giving oral to his wife makes him feel less than powerful.

Or it's something else but I'd say the chances are 80% or better it's some psychological hang up of his rather than anything to do with actually not liking your vagina. And, it doesn't seem like he has a very good method of opening up or communicating whatever his real issues are.

I take you at your word that, til now, he's been a good husband. But from the outside looking in he seems selfish. Maybe you're the exception, but I'd bet the MFF threesome was originally his idea. It appears he's always welcomed, if not asked for oral. In other words, he seems pretty locked in to what HE wants sexually, but seems to have a lack of a sustaining desire to please YOU. That is what counseling is for. As far as the wierd vagina, I know words sting, but I'd really try to let that go knowing its probably an excuse for some other issue he has, and try to get to that issue in counseling. If you can solve the real issue, and open his eyes to his self-centeredness, then the rest will fall into place.
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Old 07-07-2011, 07:00 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

While I don't have one, were I a Vulvic-American, I would be mightly insulted and pissed off by this. There are few things prettier than a vulva. If even sounds pretty.
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:28 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

I'm sorry, but I need to harp on the stated obvious.

THE GUY SAYS IT TASTES WEIRD!!!

Doesn't that account for anything? I'm a man, and there's no way am I munching on a foul tasting woman. And I don't care WHO she is!
Maybe he's being honest.
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:52 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband will go down on other woman but not on me

wait wait, all other issues aside, why is it ok to bring another woman into their bed and he eats her out but he's not down with bringing another man for the wife to go down on or get eaten out???? selfish jerk?? i think so!
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