Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New Braunfels, Texas
How to get turned on by my husband?
My husband of 5 years and I both have some issues in the marriage - to sum it up quickly I feel disrespected at times, unappreciated, and unromanced for sure. I know he feels that his sexual needs aren't met and probably some other things, it's hard to read him sometimes and he hates communicating emotions. Sex, when we have it, is usually fair to good - probably a little plain and uninspired. My problem is getting the desire to have sex. I have taken a Sexual Psychology class and I know that hypoactive desire is very hard to change. But when he is in the mood for sex, all I can think of is how much other stuff I have to do, how I hate when he says mean things to me, how I wish he would do this or that differently, etc., etc. My past sexual partners before marriage were very different than now. I respond to partners who are sexually aggressive and dominant and my husband is not that way. I have finally got him to agree not to whine about sex because that is for sure a huge turnoff for me. What can I do to feel the desire, or suggest to him to inspire the desire in me? I have told him before to just "do" it, just have passion, throw me down, etc. and it NEVER happens. For what it's worth, I have had a fairly high sex drive in the past, but now it is just not happening. We do have two small children and I work and go to school so "busy and tired" is a permanent state. But I don't want our relationship to get worse because of this. We are only growing apart, not together like I want. Ugggh, I sometimes feel that if we were "meant" to be sex would just be a beautiful force of nature and not a bone of contention but I think I have been watching too much TV!